Call me presumptuous but I've always wanted a brutish man-servant. The sort who can push people aside for me as I roam the streets of Sheffield.
But where to find such a thing?
Well, it turns out Wayne Manor is where to find such a thing because Bruce Wayne has a problem.
It would appear the house is haunted - haunted by a monster that's already killed a man and attacked poor old Alfred.
After some investigation, it turns out it's not a monster at all but Ubu, former man-servant to Ra's al Ghul.
Affected by an explosion and chemicals from the Lazarus Pit, he's now in the habit of glowing in the dark and looking for revenge on Batman for past indiscretions.
Needless to say he doesn't get it.
When I first read this tale as a kid, I didn't have a clue who Ra's al Ghul was or what the Lazarus Pit was. Nor had I previously been aware that Wayne Manor had been abandoned, or why it'd been abandoned.
What I was aware of was that, with a Gothic mansion, its darkened corridors stalked by a, "monster," it was a tale of mood and mystery.
Of course, what really sold it as such was the fact it was drawn by Jim Aparo.
I can't deny it, Jim Aparo's my favourite Batman artist. Neal Adams was fine but his work always seemed so polite compared to the more macho, rough-hewn look of Aparo. It's a fairly slight tale, only a few pages long - and feels more like an epilogue to another tale than a story in its own right - but the harsh moodiness of Aparo gives it a style that guarantees it takes hold in the memory more determinedly than logic suggests it ever should do.