Well, blow up my death star and call me a scruffy looking nerf herder! It seems today is International Star Wars Day, where we're all supposed to dress up as our favourite Star Wars characters and celebrate the magical world of George Lucas.
And so it is that I'm typing this while dressed as Chief Chirpa, king of the loveable cannibal teddy bears.
Suitably unimpressed by their, "Magic tricks," I've just eaten the main cast and forged an alliance with the Empire, as would happen if Star Wars had taken place in the real world, or if its final instalment had been written by Terry Nation.
But were our favourite Marvel heroes of exactly fifty years ago making a meal of seeing-off their opponents?
Only a trip in my own personal Millennium Falcon of Nostalgia can tell us.
And it won't even take us twelve parsecs to get there.
The Avengers have to take on the might of the Lava Men.
They can do what they like to the Lava Men. All I care about is that they don't damage their lava lamps. Lava lamps are a thing of miracle and wonder and should be revered as the gods they are.
If Luke Skywalker's light sabre had been a three foot long lava lamp, I'd have been much more impressed by those movies.
The Hulk is on the loose but the Avengers and Fantastic Four seem more interested in fighting each other than in fighting him. It's saying something when the teenage sidekick seems like the most mature person at a gathering.
Thor's up against giants.
Hold on a moment. The one in the background looks like Surtur. Does that mean the other one's Ymir? If so, he doesn't look like the Ymir I know and love from such tales as The Avengers #61.
It's the story you thought you'd never see. Peter Parker's secret identity revealed!
Only, no one can believe Peter Parker could be Spider-Man, so they decide to ignore the evidence of their eyes.
The Black Widow's back - and firing strange, Magneto-like things from her hands. Did she ever use her magic tingle fingers ever again?
I don't care what people say about him. I always knew the Human Top was a foe to be reckoned with. And, at last, he proves it by coming back for more.
Magneto and his rag-tag bunch of evil mutants are still trying to cause trouble for our heroes.
I don't fancy their chances, as the cover suggests they're cowering in terror at the sight of a snowball being flung at them.
You do wonder at what point in the training process did Professor X tell Iceman that his Number One tactic when going into battle with insanely powerful enemies would be to throw snowballs at them.
For the second time this month, Marvel gives us the powers of fire and ice combined. Only, this time it's not Ymir and Surtur. It's the Human Torch and Iceman.
Brace yourself, Iceman, I get the feeling it's going to take a fair few snowballs to stop that mob.
Keep Those Things Away From Me - Novel
1 year ago