I know what you're demanding. You're demanding, "Steve, we all know that last night's Eurovision Song Contest was won by Sweden, with a song called Heroes but what won that very contest exactly forty years ago?"
That song was of course the legendary Ding-a-Dong by the Netherlands. How that track lingers on in the memory. I'm sure we're all singing it even as I type.
As for this year's contest, I don't know if there's something wrong with me but I actually quite liked most of the songs and performances.
I was particularly taken with the man who played with his piano on fire, the woman in the green lipstick, Captain Botox, the totally immobile woman in the red dress and the woman who looked like she was being inflated as her performance went along.
Admittedly, these weren't the official designations of the people concerned but I don't have a clue which countries they were representing, so that's all I know them as.
Needless to say, the UK entry carried on our grand tradition of finishing near the bottom of the pile. Over the course of the evening, Electro Velvet did indeed become Crushed Velvet. But at least we were down there with Germany and France. So, at last, after centuries of conflict, the power of music has finally united Britain, Germany and France in a common cause - abject failure.
But if there's one British institution that knows not the meaning of the word, "Failure," it's Marvel UK in the year of that great Dutch triumph.
And here's where we prove it.
Demonstrating that it's not just Eurovision that has dodgy electoral practices and little grasp of voting integrity, that utter bounder Bullit is out to subvert the democratic process too.
Given that the cover features a clash between the Thing and the Hulk, I'm not totally sure what the story within is.
It is however clear that the back-up tale is the one where Thor, Spider-Man and Daredevil take on the FF, after the FF have been convinced that DD is the other DD - Dr Doom.
It's a wedding to remember, as the Circus of Crime show their smarts by attacking a building packed solid with people who can fight better than they can.
I do believe this is the one that transforms Mark Twain's Connecticut Yankee into a Planet of the Apes tale.
If I remember rightly, it was drawn by Rico Rival, of whose work I was always an admirer.
This is exciting for me. It's an issue of Dracula Lives that I once owned but had totally forgotten I ever had. I don't have a clue what happens inside it though.
Thomas and Smith's adaptation of Rogues in the House continues with Conan stabbing up a gorilla.
The Surfer's still having a remarkable amount of trouble dealing with a man who only has one eye and no hands.
And is dead.
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