The Marvel Lucky Bag - April 1970.

I hope you like Bridge Over Troubled Water because, if you're trapped in April 1970, you're not going to be able to get away from it.

Not only is it at Number One on the UK album chart - and in the process of holding on to that position for the entire month - but its title track's also top of the British singles chart.

However, there's some respite for those who don't like pianos and epic singing, as, just one week into the month, the single's deposed from its throne, by Dana and her Eurovision winner All Kinds of Everything.

However, Dana herself clings onto the perch for just two weeks before Norman Greenbaum knocks her off it to rule the roost for the last week of April, thanks to his track Spirit in the Sky.

Meanwhile, at the cinema, our big screens are being rocked by A Man Called Horse, Colossus: The Forbin Project and Patton.

That all sounds great but the film release whose title most catches my eye is something called The Cockeyed Cowboys of Calico County which is, it seems, a comedy starring Mickey Rooney.

Limited is the information available to me about it, but I find it hard to believe it can possibly be a patch on Carry On Cowboy.

The cover helpfully tells us a monster man comes walking walking.

But we're not interested in that.

What we are interested in is that this issue features the sorcerer-smashing debut of Starr the Slayer.

Admittedly, as far as I'm aware, it also features his final appearance as well.

Starr is, of course, a fictional barbarian who sets out to kill the writer of his tales, in the belief that said author is an evil wizard.

What's most striking about Starr is his remarkable resemblance to a certain Cimmerian, which means that, this month, Marvel's published two comics which feature characters who seem like photocopies of Conan. The other being The Avengers #75, thanks to Arkon.

By an even greater twist of fate, both tales are written by Roy Thomas, while one is drawn by John Buscema and the other by Barry Smith.

How high can the coincidences pile up before it starts to look like there's some sort of plan at work?

Is there no guest-star Stan the Man won't throw at us in an attempt to get us to read this comic?

Last month, we had Spider-Man show up and now it's the Human Torch.

Needless to say, our, "hero," moans and whinges his way through this tale, constantly lamenting the humans' habit of rushing to violence, while, himself, flying off the handle at every opportunity.

In a supreme irony, at the tale's end, the Surfer suddenly realises that, in this case, he has been the aggressor, not mankind.

No doubt, this means we've heard the last of his grizzling and that, from now on, he'll realise he's no better than the rest of us.

I mean, you'd think that'd be what'd happen...

Nothing but peril awaits when the Sub-Mariner finds himself the prisoner of Doctor Dorcas and Warlord Krang.

Who now can save Atlantis from the attack of their killer whales?

Tiger shark can!

Because, discovering the threat to the city, as he's just swimming around, minding his own business, he volunteers to protect it, on condition Lady Dorma agrees to marry him.

Can it be? Can the foul fiend be about to gain control of both Atlantis and its queen?

And can it be the end of our gun-toting hero?

No, it can't. His comic still has another nine years of life left in it yet.

There's one thing you can say about the Rawhide Kid, he may be of no interest at all to me but he's a tough man to kill.

I do believe I detect a Jack Kirby cover.

I must confess I've not read this issue but, somehow, I don't feel like I need to.

I just seem to know, as though by some psychic force, that this issue will feature three stories, each of which will involve a young woman crying her eyes out over some terrible romantic dilemma before learning a valuable life lesson as she stares into the sunset.