The Marvel Lucky Bag - May 1970.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon.

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People often ask me what I like to do with my free time.

And the truth is that, mostly, I like to pull my rubber mask off to reveal my radiation-scarred face and sing hymns of praise to the atom bomb I keep in my living room.

That's probably why I identify so much with Beneath the Planet of the Apes.

And, in May 1970, I got even more of a chance to identify with it because that's when it came out.

But it wasn't the only thrill we were getting in our cinemas. That month also saw the release of Taste the Blood of Dracula and Pufnstuf.

I should point out that that was two separate movies. There was never a movie called Taste the Blood of Dracula and Pufnstuf.

However, I must confess I did get excited when my research uncovered this fact, as I assumed Taste the Blood of Dracula was the one which starred Dennis Waterman and Jenny Hanley, surely the least likely male/female casting in the history of Hammer but it turns out it's not. It's the one that stars Peter Sallis.

To be honest, I don't think I remember it. Can it be? Can it be that there's a Hammer Dracula movie that I haven't actually seen?

Speaking of films I haven't seen, that month's cinematic oddity was The Magic Garden of Stanley Sweetheart, a Don Johnson vehicle about a confused student which flopped and threatened to end his career as soon as it had begun.

When it came to the UK singles chart, that May, the roost was initially ruled by Norman Greenbaum's Spirit in the Sky.

But even Norman was helpless before the power of the England World Cup Squad and soon lost his crown to their single Back Home, before the month's final week saw the top spot claimed by Christie's Yellow River. Apparently, that song had previously been recorded by the Tremeloes but they'd failed to release their version, the blind fools.

A river may have been top of the singles chart but more troubled waters plagued the LP listings, as those bridged by Simon and Garfunkel controlled the top spot for May's first two weeks, while holding off Paul McCartney's first solo album. Macca, however, soon claimed his revenge when the duo were toppled by the Beatles' Let it Be for the month's second half.

Once more, Kid Colt faces imminent doom.

Once more, he survives it.

How? I don't know but the truth is I only posted this one because that's a lovely horsie drawn by Herb Trimpe who seems to have taken over from Jack Kirby as Marvel's Western Hero cover artist of choice.

I'm not sure why the speech balloons have green borders. It does give both protagonist and antagonist an air of the supernatural that I suspect they're not meant to have.

Happy Herb also provides the cover for this one, as our hero wonders what'll happen when his foes discover his ammo's almost gone?

I suspect they'll probably shoot him.

Then again, I suspect that was their intention anyway.

With one hand, Mephisto gives and, with the other, he takes away, as he removes Galactus' space barrier, allowing the Surfer to revisit his home planet of Zenn-La.

But then the villain abducts Shalla-Bal, in order to forcer the Surfer to destroy SHIELD for him.

It seems a bit out of character for Mephisto to want to destroy SHIELD. I mean, are they famous for thwarting his plans?

Then again, can he not destroy SHIELD himself?

It seems to me there's more going on here than meets the eye.

Fed-up of surface-dwellers dropping pollution onto his realm, the Sub-Mariner goes to the United Nations and demands it recognises Atlantis as a proper country with legally enshrined rights.

Inevitably, the UN refuses and it's back to Subby swearing revenge upon the air-breathers while not making any serious attempt to actually get it.

The cover story gives us a Roy Thomas/Barry Smith tale that I've never read. We also get a Wally Wood tale of sword and sorcery and a Gerry Conway/Syd Shores vehicle called Time Out. What that final tale involves, I could not say.

Hooray! Grottu is on the loose!

Sadly, it's not long before the inevitable interfering human foils his plan by turning his ant hordes against him.

Poor old Grottu.

Elsewhere, when mankind realises the super-computer that's turned our world into a paradise is building a giant robot, humanity turns on the robot and destroys it - only to discover it was intended to replace the computer which is on its last legs.

And now, with both computer and robot gone, the good times are over.

Also elsewhere, an ugly man joins a freak show which turns out to be run by aliens in search of an ugly husband for their gorgeous queen.

Finally, when a man's warnings that a Martian spy is loose on Earth are ignored, he takes it upon himself to hunt it down and kill it - before revealing that he himself is a Venusian!

We get yet more tales of the love that could be ours!

Call me ungrateful but, as the love stories in these books are nearly always tear-filled emotional car crashes, I'm not convinced I'd want that love to be mine.