Forty Years Ago Today! The 1982 Marvel UK annuals for 1983.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

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A wise man once said, "It's CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!"

That man was Noddy Holder and, once again, that man is on the UK charts, thanks to his lead role in Slade's evergreen classic Merry Xmas, Everybody.

But was he on the chart exactly 40 years ago?

Yes, he was. And, intriguingly, besides that track, Slade were also on it with a single called (And Now - the Waltz) C'est La Vie. I'm sure we all remember that one well.

More of that chart, in our monthly look at Marvel UK's output, later this week.

But, for now, what was on TV, as we made our way through Christmas Day, back then?

That afternoon, BBC One was serving up a plateful of Top of the Pops, featuring Duran Duran, Dexy's Midnight Runners, Culture Club, Haircut 100, Spandau Ballet, Captain Sensible and Bucks Fizz.

Later that day, it treated us to International Velvet, Jim'll Fix It, The Paul Daniels Magic Christmas Show, Last of the Summer Wine, The Two Ronnies, Death on the Nile, Perry Como and, spookiest of all, Charles Dickens' The Signalman.

BBC Two, meanwhile, gave us The Islanders, Gold from the Deep, The Book Game, Horizon, The Millionairess, On the Tracks of the Wild Otter, The World of James Joyce, Richard Baker's Christmas Dozen and Fedora. Of all the shows I've listed so far, Fedora is the only one I remember watching, although I'm sure I must have watched Top of the Pops because only a barbarian wouldn't.

ITV, that day, was offering Journey Back to Oz, Enid Blyton's Island of Adventure, Andy Williams' Christmas Special, The Parent Trap, 3-2-1, Game for a Laugh, Bruce Forsyth's Play Your Cards Right, The Black Hole, Chas and Dave's Christmas Knees-Up, Cleo and John, and Christmas at Radio GOSH.

Thrilling stuff indeed but all of that was doomed to pale into insignificance the moment we sat down to read whatever annuals Marvel UK could be motivated to throw at us that year.

And it could be motivated to throw four of them at us.

It seems we can always rely on the Hulk to have an annual, whatever the fate of his weekly comics.

And, this time, our hero finds himself battling a whole host of corny old Marvel monsters, thanks to the machinations of Xemnu the Titan who, himself, once went by the name of, "The Hulk."

Happily, the current holder of that title quickly sees off those lesser monsters and, finally, wins out with the help of a collapsing dam.

I also happen to know there's also at least one text story in this book but don't ask me what happens in it.

Can Spider-Man possibly survive when he encounters a masked crackpot, with a sword, who goes by the sobriquet, "The Rapier?"

Too right he can. It's going to take more than a cut-price Swordsman knock-off to stop everyone's favourite wallcrawler.

As with the Hulk's annual, this too contains a text story whose plot escapes me.

We also get what seems to be an episode guide to the TV show. A feature I'm sure we've all been praying for.

And, most nostalgically of all, there's yet another chance to read Lee and Ditko's Secrets of Spider-Man which, I think, appeared in the first US Spider-Man Annual and, also, Fleetway's 1972 UK Marvel Annual.

Because Santa loves us, we're also treated to a Worzel Gummidge annual.

Or are we?

Infamously, this year, thanks to a printing error, the book was entirely filled, not with tales of a loveable scarecrow, but with reprints from Skywald's horror mags and it, thus, treated us to tales of mutilation, blood loss and cannibalism. An event that caused a major scandal, an investigation by Esther Rantzen's That's Life TV show and even led to questions being asked in Parliament.

Fortunately, the following year, things were back to normal.

It's a Star Wars annual and, no, I don't have a clue what happens in it.

Well, that's not strictly speaking true. I think I can guess it features the likes of Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia and Darth Vader.

Exactly what they're up to, though, I cannot claim to know. Sadly, when it comes to this summary, The Force is very definitely not with me.