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Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Dynamic Tension injures ninjas in beach front barneys? Alas Charles Atlas, I knew him not? "You too could have a body like mine?" I already do - but then you have been dead for forty years

Charles Atlas advert
As we all know, there's nothing impresses a woman more than random acts of violence on a public beach. Thank God, therefore, for Charles Atlas, a man who can teach the meekest of us to turn into a rampant thug at the drop of a hat and thus gain vengeance on any not-worth-it bully who's ever kicked sand in our face.

"That's all well and good," people have asked over the years, "but what if the bully's a ninja? Then what would Charles Atlas do?"

What Charles Atlas would do is simple. He'd get stuck in an endless battle with said ninja - a battle that, like Dr Who's war with the Daleks, can never be won and can never be lost.

That's right. The results of our latest poll are in and, despite the fact that none of you voted for a draw, you the public have decided that a fight between Charles Atlas and a ninja would indeed be just that, with five of you voting for Atlas and five of you voting for the ninja.

Of course, if this were a Marvel comic, after their draw, Atlas and the ninja would realise they had an enemy in common and beat him up instead.

As always with my polls of vital importance, thanks to all who voted, and for answering at last this age-old conundrum that's kept me awake for more nights than I could ever dream of counting.

5 comments:

  1. Boston Bill15 June 2011 at 23:11

    "He'll do press-ups,
    and chin-ups,
    do the snatch, clean and jerk.
    He think's Dynamic Tension, must be hard work!"

    Frank N Furter, from the Rocky Horror Show, singing 'The Charles Atlas Song' (before they changed the title, presumably due to the old lawsuit thing)!

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  2. R. W. Watkins16 June 2011 at 01:45

    I remember seeing these adverts in the comics in the '70s and figuring that Charles Atlas must be a 30-something body builder roughly contemporaneous with the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger. It wasn't until decades later that I learned that Atlas was born in 1892 and was already dead at age 80 by the time I was only 3! Considering the number of years these silly adverts have run, they've certainly gotten great mileage out of his youthful image.

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  3. Steve W.16 June 2011 at 21:34

    I only discovered Charles Atlas was dead when someone made reference to it in an edition of Esther Rantzen's That's Life one Sunday evening in the late 1970s. Up until then, although I'd realised it was an old photo in all those ads, I hadn't appreciated just how old.

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  4. Kid21 August 2011 at 17:33

    Although he wasn't born Charles Atlas, it became his legal name when he changed it by Deed Poll (or whatever the US equivalent is) while he was still a young man.

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  5. Anonymous30 June 2012 at 12:10

    tsfcharles atlas was born in 1893 and
    die 1972, so was 79 not 80.despite
    as many claim that he work of with weight, he could not becouse they never been found in hes homes or anywhere by over 50 years.Unless he sneak out in middle of night under brooklyn bridge.In his home in florida when was 70 few years old,house was open to everybody and there was no wieghts, when he still was in top shape anyway.

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