The Marvel Lucky Bag - November 1979.

There was a time, back in the 1950s, when if you wanted to hear the latest happening music sounds, you'd head for your nearest cinema to see the thrillingest Rock and Roll stars perform there, live, before your very ears.

As far as I know, those days were long over by 1979 but, in November of that year, you could yet again go to the local cinema if you wanted to encounter music.

That's because that month saw the release of three music-based movies. They were, in no particular order, Quadrophenia, The Rose and Birth of the Beatles.

Admittedly, if you'd gone to see one of those films, you'd have been somewhat disappointed because, despite Quadrophenia being based on a rock opera and having Sting and Toyah in it, it didn't actually contain any songs, which seems an odd way to go about things.

Anyway, despite the fame of all three movies, I have, to this day, still never seen any of them.

You know what else I've never seen?

Any of the comics I'm about to pass judgement upon below.

Apparently, Captain Marvel falls in love with a woman called Elysius and then learns it's his destiny to protect the planet Earth.

I don't have a clue who Elysius is but I would have thought Marvy'd already figured out it's his destiny to protect the planet Earth, as that's what he spends 95% of his time doing.

Plus, he can hardly abandon Rick Jones, can he?

It's the encounter that had to happen, as Spider-Man finally meets Spider-Woman and they fall in love and get married and produce lots of little spider-babies that proceed to eat them.

No, I admit it, none of that happens.

What actually happens is the male Spidey walks in on the female Spidey, who's seemingly robbing a safe, and decides to bring her to justice, leading to the obligatory fight before it's all cleared up with a chat.

Thor gets to interfere in the Trojan War, having discovered the Greek gods are interfering in the Trojan War.

This all leads to a punch-up between Thor and Zeus, during which our hero discovers Zeus and Odin have long had a secret pact that their kingdoms will never attack each other.

Why Odin and Zeus would keep that a secret from their subjects, I've no idea.

It's a tale with scene so iconic it made it into the Arnold Schwarzenegger films, as Conan gets crucified but then gets over it with a speed even Wolverine would envy.

There's also a witch involved but I can't recall in what way.

I think a war may also be going on but it's a long time since I read the REH original, so my memories are as vague as they always are when it comes to most Conan stories.

Hooray! It's time to get squelchy again, as the Man-Thing gets his own mag.

From what I can make out, a bunch of criminals decide to restore Ted-Sallis' mind, so he can tell them how to recreate his Super-Soldier formula.

Unfortunately, it all goes wrong when the forces of justice barge in and randomly kill everyone except Thingy who returns to the swamp with the body of the kindly scientist who'd tried to help him regain his lost humanity.

That doesn't exactly sound a barrel of laughs.