DC Comics' Ghosts!

Suffering spectres! Long-standing readers may know I was a fan of DC's horror output in the 1970s.

The House of Mystery, The House of Secrets, The Witching Hour, I loved them all.

But my favourite of their titles was always Ghosts - mostly because of the front cover boast that the tales within were all true. It was one thing reading tales that weren't true, but ones that were...?

Sadly, I long ago parted company with those comics and it's a safe bet I'll never buy them anew, as previous experience of reacquainting myself with other DC horror titles has made me aware that, although beautifully drawn, the stories themselves were rarely compelling.

Therefore I'm just going to post the covers of the ones I had and see what I can recall of them.

Remember, don't read this post with the lights off. The terror you are about to encounter may be more than your sanity can withstand.

This was the first issue I ever had.

I got it in Blackpool in 1975. Blackpool 1975 has special meaning for me. It brings back memories of skinless sausages, Johnny Weissmuller's Tarzan and Quatermass II.

It also brings back memories of a band called The Bent City Danglers. Don't ask.

The only tale I remember from this ish is The Nightmare in the Sandbox, which was about an evil sandbox dragging people and pets into another dimension. I was especially perturbed when the dog corked it.

Needless to say, the knowledge that it was a true story gave it an extra potency.

I also got this in Blackpool in 1975.

Sadly, I recall nothing of the contents.

This might have only been three issues later than the previous comic in this list but, thanks to the wonders of 1970s distribution, I didn't get it until a visit to Blackpool in 1978.

It's another whose contents I don't recall but I do remember liking it at the time and I was especially taken with the cover.

Did this issue feature the tale of an Egyptian man with a killer cat? If so, this was the issue where it first dawned on me that, despite the proud boast, not all the tales might be true.

No memories of this one at all -- unless The Ghost in the Devil's Chair was a short feature about some place that was claimed to exist in Britain.

I was very excited by such a claim but wondered why I'd never heard tales of that dread place before.

This one I remember strongly.

It's another one from Blackpool 1975.

Blood on the Moon made a particular impression on me. It involved a swamp-based murder avenged with the aid of a blood red moon. Every time I've seen a red moon since, it's reminded me of that tale.

Come to think of it, I don't think I've seen a red moon in years. Do they still have them?

Was The Spectral Coffin Maker about the Black Death? If so, I hope it featured a plague doctor in one of those bird-beak gas masks they were so keen on. I do feel modern-day doctors should dress the same way. They're always going on about improving the NHS but the fools never make my GP wear a bird-beak mask, like I want him to.

Shanna the She-Devil #1.

The other day, I was in the jungle, punching an elephant in the face, when Krotagg the Jungle Lord said to me, "Steve, why're you punching my friend the elephant in the face?"

And I said, "Because he was being nosey."

Then he said, "And why're you punching my friend the tapir in the face?"

And I said, "Because he was being lippy."

Then he said, "And why're you punching my friend the tree?"

And I said, "A tree is your friend?"

He said, "It gets very lonely in the jungle. Many's the time I've had a conversation on, 'What's the point of it all?' with a Venus flytrap."

"And what did it tell you?"

"It just said, 'Gluggle.'" And then he said, "But again I must repeat myself. Why're you punching that tree?"

I said, "Because it wouldn't leaf me alone."

With empathy for nature like that, you'd think I'd be the perfect man to review issue #1 of Shanna the She-Devil.

And you'd be completely wrong. Because, having recently re-read it, I can't think of a single thing to say about it at all, other than that it's rubbish.

Basically Shanna O'Hara is a total Jonah. Her mum gets shot, her dad disappears, most of the big cats in the zoo she works for get shot by vandals, and the one remaining cat gets shot by a zoo-keeper.

After all this, she goes to live in the jungle, with two leopards, so she can bash-up poachers.

In the course of issue #1, she then bashes-up a poacher.

It'd be great to say it's a rip-roaring adventure but it's like being hit over the head by a Green Party manifesto wrapped around a baseball bat, as we get a stream of lectures on the evils of greed, the evils of guns, the evils of men and the evils of anything else writers Carole Seuling and Steve Gerber can cram into just twenty pages.

Throughout it all, Shanna displays a level of arrogance that suggests she might be mentally ill, and nothing at all memorable happens.

Instead of ushering in the great new age of feminist ecological comics that it was no doubt hoped it would do, it feels more like it's ushering in the era of Atlas Comics, as it feels just like the sort of thing they'd have inflicted on us a couple of years later. To read it is to quickly understand why it only lasted five issues.

On the art front, George Tuska is in his giving-everyone-weird-eyes-and-teeth-mode but it's otherwise pleasant to look at, without ever looking outstanding.

At the end of the tale, her never-before-mentioned love-interest shows up to let us know she's not a lesbian and that's it, it's all over.

Anyway, that's the review done.

Did I ever tell you about the day I was in the Amazon, punching a jungle haddock in the face?

The unforgettable tales of Worlds Unknown.

Watching the Eurovision Song Contest at the weekend reminded us all that "abroad" is a whole other world. How we thrilled to Romanian falsetto vampires, Greeks demanding free booze, a man singing a love song to his shoes, and, erm, Bonnie Tyler.

But there are other worlds; worlds even stranger than those that lie within the boundaries of the European Broadcasting Union.

And so it was that, in the 1970s, Marvel Comics gave us Worlds Unknown.

Anyone who read Marvel UK's Planet of the Apes mag will remember Worlds Unknown with fondness - or at least the tales it contained...

The cover story might be about the coming of the Martians but we all know the true stand-out of this issue is Gil Kane's He That Hath Wings, in which a youth discovers that being born with feathers might not be the blessing one might expect it to be.

It's A Gun For Dinosaur.

It's so long since I read his that I can't remember the ending. I'm sort of assuming it's one of those going-back-in-time-and-killing-your-grandfather-type twists.

That reminds me. I must go back in time and kill my grandfather before he fulfills his pledge to travel forward in time and kill me.

That'll teach him.

It's Farewell to the Master.

Roy Thomas and Ross Andru's adaptation might be more faithful to the original but I still prefer The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Ah, all those memories of William Shatner ripping his shirt off and building a cannon from a big stick of bamboo come flooding back as we get Marvel's adaptation of Fredric Brown's Arena.

I always loved this one, as an alien big cat climbs aboard a spaceship and, one by one, polishes off the crew until it has an unhappy ending.

I can't help feeling that having the homicidal bulldozer ranting like Dr Doom on the cover probably doesn't add a lot of dignity to proceedings.

The Golden Voyage of Sinbad was one of my favourite childhood films. It had Sinbad! It had a six-armed sword fight! It had Tom Baker! Verily, the late Ray Harryhausen didst know how to keep a child happy.

Sadly, I don't remember being so taken with George Tuska and Vince Colletta's adaptation.

The Golden Voyage of Sinbad comes to an end, as we get that sword fight.

And Worlds Unknown also comes to an end.

Its run may have been short but it was certainly sweet - and where would Planet of the Apes readers have been without the tales the UK mag so happily reprinted from it?

DC 1st Issue Special #10 - the Outsiders

Prez! We all read it! We all loved it!

Or possibly not.

But some of us have a certain fondness for its foibles and strangenesses.

Happily, it wasn't the only such madness that Joe Simon and Jerry Grandenetti gave us in the 1970s, because they also gave us a 1st Issue Special featuring the team the world didn't know as The Outsiders.

It didn't know them as that because it didn't know they existed at all.

The Outsiders are a group of mutants who hide away from mankind, beneath the hospital where one of them (Dr Goodie/Scary) works disguised as a normal human being. Amongst them are Lizard Johnny, Mighty Mary, Hairy Larry and, erm, Billy. And it'd be true to say they're a team like no other.

To be honest, until I stumbled across this comic by accident, I'd totally forgotten I'd ever had it, which is odd as, with its unlikely cast and "unique" approach to story-telling, it's a virtually impossible strip to forget.

Also, I've always remembered the full-page editorial that appears towards the end of the book and  tells the story of Tod Browning's movie Freaks.

Oddly, while I'd always had strong memories of reading that editorial, it'd never occurred to me to wonder just where I'd read it.

So, how does The Outsiders compare to Prez?

That's right. They have their own song!

Well, it's sort of Prez with the dial turned up to eleven. Like that, it basically defies critical analysis. The issue doesn't even try to tell a story, serving only as a way of introducing several of its characters through flashbacks aimed at the reader by the fourth-wall breaking characters.

I assume DC's 1st Issue Special was its equivalent of a book like Marvel Spotlight where characters could be tried out to see how they'd go down with the readership.

Presumably The Outsiders went down like Engelbert Humperdinck at Eurovision, as, to my knowledge, they were never seen again, which possibly isn't a shock.

At this point in his career, either Joe Simon had risen to the status of genius, totally redefining comics in particular and storytelling in general, or he'd gone completely mad.

I'm not sure which was the case, but there is a strange emotional punch at times to the strip, especially the scenes of the huge-headed child Billy blundering out of his home, on fire, uncomprehending as a mob tries to kill him. Like the rest of the mag, the scene manages to be both ludicrous and oddly touching at the same time.

The Pulse-Pounding Monsters of Amazing Fantasy!

Amazing Fantasy is of course famous for one thing - being the birthplace of the Amazing Spider-Man.

But, before that, it was the home of monsters.

And, before that, it was called Amazing Adventures.

Well, being the fearless monster-hunter I am, that's all the excuse I need to see what kind of dread menaces that title had to offer in the days before Marvel discovered the selling power of super-heroes.

Remember; however fearful you are, you MUST look at these images - as a warning of the nightmare terror that awaits those who seek answers that man must never have.

I don't know what it is but it respects my intelligence, and that's all I ask of any monster.

The Krills! I love the Krills! They're my favourite lo-fi indie duo!

What's that you're shouting at me?

"That's the Kills, you buffoon!"

Oh. I thought Alison Mosshart was looking a bit peeky on the cover.

You have to hand it to him, there's not many monsters could get away with being called, "Tim."

I don't know who he is but it seems he's one who's changed.

Didn't I once see him in Quatermass and the Pit?

Hooray! It's Torr!

I've loved Torr ever since I read this story reprinted in Strange Tales #175.

Manoo!

This is definitely my favourite of today's monsters.

Nothing can stop a monster with a girder! Nothing!

You have to love any monster that decides to knock over the United Nations building.

I can't help myself. I can't see that cover without thinking of Serpico.

If only Serpico had been about a giant monster out to crush the world, it would've been a much better film - and Al Pacino's greatest ever role.

The Spectre - Secret Origins #5.

There's only one concept in this world that's almost as exciting as that of Secret Oranges - and that's the idea of Secret Origins.

Sadly, DC Comics have never had the sense to employ me, and so the former will probably never exist. However, they did, in the 1970s, have the sense to give us the latter.

In Secret Origins #5, we get to meet the Spectre - or at least the man who'll become the Spectre.

Shortly after announcing his engagement to his squeeze, hard-nosed, tough-fisted cop Jim Corrigan and she are kidnapped by gangsters seeking revenge for his earlier interference in their schemes, and he's killed by being flung in the nearest river.

Sadly, instead of going to Heaven, he's sent back to Earth to fight evil, as a ghost, until crime is gone forever from the world.

It's hard to know quite what the appeal of the Secret Origins comics was. For a start, the tales were from the Golden Age, which wasn't always home to the finest quality story-telling. Secondly, I didn't even know who some of the characters were whose origins we were being treated to. I'd never heard of Wildcat and Blackhawk till I read their debut tales - and to be honest, I'd never exactly yearned to know how Aquaman or Robin's careers had got started.

And yet there was something oddly irresistible about them.

And this issue was arguably my favourite.

This was probably because, unlike the other tales I'd read in the series, it was a full-length story and also because it was a version of the Spectre I could recognise at once from the Michael Fleisher/Jim Aparo revival.

The tale starts off feeling oddly sophisticated, almost as though we're watching a movie.

It doesn't take long before it starts to feel more like a Golden Age comic but it never gets silly and it's taut and no-nonsense all the way through.

It's good to see Corrigan dishing out some Wrath of God to the criminals of this world and beginning his career as he means to go on, by reducing a gangster to a skeleton - although it is incongruous to see him sewing his own costume at the tale's finale. Somehow I'd assumed the Spectre would have enough power to magic-up a costume from thin air.

But there is a potency in seeing him first discovering his powers and then cutting his ties with his friends and loved ones before vowing to strike out alone against the forces of evil. You're left in no doubt this is a character who makes Batman look like Bouncing Boy.

Obviously, the reason he never caught on like Bruce Wayne's alter-ego is there for all to see. Right from the start, there's the question of how you can weave tales of drama and tension around a character who can do anything he wants to. But, still, the tale makes it clear that the idea of the Spectre is a haunting concept in more ways than one.

Supergirl - in, "Lena Thorul: Jungle Princess!"

Hooray! It's the return of the internet's favourite recurring feature.

It's Supergirl Sunday!

Many a moon has hung gibbous in the sky since last I perused the adventures of the Cupidacious Kandorian and, admittedly, it's not Sunday, it's Saturday.

If I had any class at all, I'd respond to that obstacle by doing Saturn Girl Saturday.

But I won't. One, because I can't be bothered. And, two, because Supergirl looks exactly like Saturn Girl, so who's going to notice the difference anyway?

But of course Saturn Girl isn't the only character Supergirl looks exactly like. Famously, she also happens to look exactly like Lesla-Lar, Kandorian criminal, and Luna Lynai, onetime girlfriend of Superman.

Most of all, she looks exactly like her friend Lena Thorul who's applied to join the FBI. As part of her "Audition" for the job, Lena's sent to interview her brother Lex Luthor in prison.

There're only two problems with this.

One is she doesn't know he's her brother.

The other is that Lena Thorul's psychic.

Needless to say, this means that, when she and he meet, it doesn't take her long to discover the truth.

Blimey! Break it to her gently, why don't you?

And, needless to say, Lena reacts as any of us would - by losing her memory and going to live in Africa, as an animal-controlling jungle queen.

Discovered by an entrepreneur, she comes back to America to perform in his big show but her memory has returned and, traumatised by her knowledge of who she is, she can't go on with the show, meaning her exact lookalike Supergirl has to stand in for her.

Fortunately it's all put right when Lex Luthor escapes from jail by the least likely means possible and uses a special flower to rob Lena of all memory of his true identity, so everyone's happy again.

I've always loved this tale because it's so nice. Lena Thorul's nice. Supergirl's nice. Even Lex Luthor's nice, showing more concern for his sister than for himself. He even escapes from prison nicely. It's winningly drawn by Gentlemen Jim Mooney and it gets through an insane amount of plot in just twelve pages.

There's a ludicrous charm to this tale that you simply couldn't imagine being replicated in the modern world. There's also something oddly engaging about the sight of Supergirl, in jungle queen gear, having her head chewed by a lion for the entertainment of others.

So there you have it. A classic feature returned and a classic tale - of sorts - covered. No wonder I couldn't wait for Sunday in order to post it.

Steve Does Comics leaps into the 21st Century!

Like Spider-Woman in Avengers #12.1 , Steve Who Does
Comics is surrounded by enemies wherever he goes!

As I roam the streets of Sheffield, people often say to me, "Steve, you're always going on about some old crap or other. You do know it's not still 1978, don't you?"

And I reply, "You half-witted dolt! Of course it's still 1978! Why, if it wasn't, Brian and Michael wouldn't still be Number 1 with their moving tribute to LS Lowry!"

"Get with it, grandad!" they retort. "Brian and Michael haven't been Number 1 for weeks! It's the Bee Gees now, with their latest smash Night Fever! How can you keep up with current trends if you don't even watch Top of the Pops!?!"

To address this very issue, the other day I decided to take advantage of Free Comic Day and scoop up a pile of more modern comics than I'm used to dealing with, from Comixology. To keep it balanced, I chose some titles I was familiar with and some I'd never heard of before. Having not read a new comic since 1996, I shall at last find out what's been happening in the world of panels since those halcyon days of yore.

Avengers Vol 4 #12.1
By Brian Michael Bendis & Bryan Hitch.

Hooray! The Avengers! We all love the Avengers!

On the hunt for aliens, Spider-Woman's been kidnapped by a gang of arch-villains, and the Avengers go to her rescue.

The first thing that struck me about this is every super-hero in the world now seems to be in the Avengers - including Spider-Man and Wolverine, two characters who should surely never be in the Avengers.

It's all very nicely drawn - and beautifully coloured but somewhat bland in both its visual and verbal story-telling, and the sheer overabundance of heroes and villains makes it oddly uninvolving.

Even the return of Ultron, which lends the tale its climax, seems strangely flat when it should feel like the most mind-searingly thrilling thing ever to have happened, ever.

Strange also that none of the bad guys recognise Ultron when they see him.

Batman Black & White: A Black & White World
By Neil Gaiman and Simon Bisley.

A short story that works on the conceit that Batman and the Joker are basically actors playing a part and are chatting to each other whilst waiting to do their scenes.

It's all very pleasant but, as so often with Gaiman, feels suspiciously like it might, deep down, just be punchless whimsy.

Class War #1
by Rob Williams & Trevor Hairsine.

I must admit to being impressed that there're people called Trevor working in the modern industry. I like to think he smokes a pipe as he draws, and wears a cable-knit sweater.

But this is more like it. A government-appointed super-hero discovers just how bad the American government is and decides to turn against it.

I do worry that this comic's aimed at conspiracy theorists and the sort of people who have bunkers in their backyards, full of assault rifles for when, "The Day," comes. Also, the characters aren't properly introduced, making it a little confusing in places but, unlike the previous comics I've looked at here, it has a strong premise and an emotional thrust that does mean I'd be interested in seeing what happens next.

The Evil Tree #1
by Erik Hendrix  and Daniel Thollin.

This is a horror tale about some people driving around in the snow.

At least, the bit I read was.

I must admit I gave up after a few pages. It seemed like fairly standard horror fare and was very badly drawn.

Obviously, it was deliberately badly drawn, to suit its genre but the combination of ugly artwork and unengaging writing put me off before I could get very far into it.

Guardians of the Galaxy Infinite Comic #1.
by Brian Michael Bendis and Michael Avon Oeming.

I always loved the Guardians of the Galaxy, so I was always going to be drawn to this one.

Drax is sat around, minding his own business, when he's attacked and has a fight that goes on for page after page until it ends. Then some bloke turns up and says he's needed elsewhere.

Erm, that's it in terms of story.

On the plus side, the thing's been put together with electronic reading in mind, which means it tells the tale with fresh panels popping up over already displaying pages, rather than everything appearing sequentially, demonstrating that some sort of thought's been put into its structuring.

On the downside, it has virtually no dialogue, characterisation, wit, plot, intelligence or point and the artwork is awful. Given the ambitious story-telling style of Drax's creator, I can't help feeling Jim Starlin would be turning in his grave if he were dead.

Mouse Guard Fall 1152 #1
by David Petersen.

I can't deny it, I got this one because it's about mice - and who doesn't love mice?

What happens is some talking mice set out to find a missing talking mouse but instead find he had a dark secret.

This has a children's storybook feel to it, which automatically lends it a certain charm. It's not what you could call the most involving story of all time - in fact, the writing's pretty much as dull as it could be - but it is very nicely drawn and stars mice, so it gets a thumbs up from me.

Superman: War of the Supermen #0
by Sterling Gates/James Robinson and Various.

General Zod's back, is now leader of the Kandorians and wants to invade our planet. Meanwhile, dark forces are stirring on Earth.

This is a lot more violent than the good old days of Curt Swan.

That's not necessarily a bad thing but it is a shock to the system for the older-style reader.

It all seems to be well done and its various artists make up for an appallingly bad cover by giving us a lovely - if vaguely fascistic - splash page of the Kandorians heading toward Earth to give it a good smacking.

I don't know if I like the comic or not. I'd probably have to read more in order to make my mind up.

But it does have to be said that, with his seeming inability to grasp that all Kryptonians have the same powers that he has, Superman does come across as not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

"Well that's all fancy blather," I hear you cry, "But which was your favourite? And what did you make of the modern world of comics?"

My favourite for writing was Class War - which had flaws but was at least taut - and, for art, it was Mouse Guard.

I can make few conclusions on the state of modern comics because I'd need a bigger sample to get a proper overview of that. But, The Evil Tree and Guardians of the Galaxy aside, the experience wasn't as bad as I'd feared.

One of the reasons I gave up comics in the mid-1990s was because of rampantly self-indulgent artwork that made it impossible to understand what was actually going on. Apart from the odd lapse, none of these comics had that flaw. And one thing that does seem to have improved since then is that not one of them was drawn by someone who draws like Jim Lee with a broken arm.

Forty years ago this month - May 1973.

I've had an unbelievably exciting day today, buying a new lawnmower cable and some potatoes. But were our favourite Marvel heroes having an equally sensational day exactly forty years ago - or could they simply not live up to my standards of drama?

This isn't promising. It's more of that Avengers v Magneto story I've never liked.

But, having seen off the Avengers, I'm sure Magneto'll be quaking in his boots at the arrival of Marvel's two puniest super-doers outside of Ant-Man.

Conan continues his post-Barry Smith career.

Is this the issue that ends that war he was fighting for what seemed like centuries? That was always my favourite Conan storyline.

I always liked Dr Faustus even if he was a bit of a one-trick pony.

Hawkeye shows up and makes a complete berk of himself.

It's the return of everyone's favourite underpant-wearing dragon!

I really do wonder where he, Fin Fang Foom and Grogg used to get their underpants from. I mean, was there a shop that specialised in retailing to dragons?

Hooray! The Gremlin shows up!

I love this story.

But then I love every Hulk story from this era.

"ONE horn of destruction!"

In Stan Lee and John Buscema's How To Draw Comics The Marvel Way, there's a panel showing a monster stiffly smashing through a wall, with a warning that that's not how to draw someone smashing through a wall. I don't like to be critical but Iron Man on this cover does look remarkably like the figure in that panel.

The Hulk continues to smash his way through Toronto in a tale that introduced me to the word, "Geodesic."

Sadly I've never had the chance to use the word, "Geodesic," in any conversation ever. This makes me sad and regretful.

Ulik gets himself a cross between a tank and a bulldozer, and Thor's being defeatist again.

How he ever managed to win a fight, with that attitude, is beyond me.