Speak Your Brain! Part 122.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Image by Tumisu
from Pixabay

A man far wiser than I once said, "Happiness. Happiness. The greatest gift that I possess."

All I can assume is he didn't possess a Chopper bike.

Nothing could be a better gift than that.

However, there is something I do possess.

And that's ignorance.

For, if blessed are the ignorant, I have been amply gifted by the gods, as I don't have the slightest notion what we're going to be talking about tonight.

That's because it's the mind-melting return of the feature in which you - not I - must decide the topic for debate.

Therefore, make sure to suggest that topic in the comments section before. And soon we shall see just how tickled I am.

2000 AD - March 1988.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Who could stop Kylie Minogue in March of 1988?

No one, it seemed, as she sat proud at the top of the UK singles chart, thanks to her smash hit I Should Be So Lucky.

But then it turned out that someone could stop her. And it was in the not totally expected form of Aswad, most famous for one of their members having been in the 1970s children's TV show Here Come the Double Deckers. Now grown up, he and his mates dethroned Kylie, thanks to their single Don't Turn Around. it seemed that only the power of reggae could defeat the antipodean superstar.

On the accompanying album chart, the month arrived with Introducing the Hardline According to ... Terence Trent D'Arby on top before that was displaced by Morrissey's Viva Hate.

But even hate must give way to the soothing charms of music.

And, so, Mozzer was quickly vanquished, as the month drew to a close, by Now That's What I Call Music! 11.

In the real world of food, the month saw the first McDonald's restaurant open in a country run by a Communist party, when one was launched in Belgrade, later to be followed by one in Budapest.

And it seemed Communism was under siege everywhere because Bratislava saw the Candle Demonstration - the 1980s' first mass protest against the government of Czechoslovakia.

When it came to the cinemas, it was a month that saw the release of a whole slew of thrilling new movies, including but not restricted to Doom Asylum, Babette's Feast, Pulse, Masquerade, Vice Versa, D.O.A., Little Nikita, Police Academy 5, Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw, Biloxi Blues and Beetlejuice.

March also saw the unleashing of Roger Vadim's And God Created Woman which turned out to have nothing to do with the earlier film of the same name from the same director.

Obviously, I'm going to vote for Beetlejuice as Film of the Month, from that list.

And what of the galaxy's greatest comic?

It was, as so often, offering us a diet of old favourites Strontium Dog, Rogue Trooper, Judge Dredd, Tharg's Future-Shocks, A.B.C. Warriors and Nemesis the Warlock.

But it also saw the arrival of new strip in the shape of Tyranny Rex by John Smith and Steve Dillon which followed the adventures of the last survivor of her species of reptilian humanoids, turned mercenary.

And Steve Dillon also presided over the return of  Hap Hazzard.

interesting to note that not one of this month's issues features Judge Dredd on its cover. I wonder when was the last time that had happened?

April 17th, 1976 - Marvel UK, 50 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

What's this that stands before us?

Is it the Veil of History?

Let us sweep it aside and discover just what it conceals!

It's a dramatic cover that promises broken teeth all round but, before we get to that epic clash, we must visit Conan the barbarian.

And it's bad news for the brawler, as he's been tied to a stake and is about to be fed to a giant crocodile that's been terrorising a seaside town for years.

Of course, it's even worse news for the crocodile because it means it's about to get totalled by Conan the barbarian.

Then, the Avengers get to fight the Squadron Supreme.

Or, at least, some of them, before they manage to convince those some of them that they too are good guys and that the Squadron's world is in mortal peril!

And Iron Fist and Radion manage to inflict yet more damage on the Post Office Tower before the neon-fingered knucklemeister manages to transform his foe back into a normal human being.

As we can all see from that cover, the Hulk's having a return match with the Inhumans. I do particularly like the way he takes out Quicksilver by tapping him with his fingertips.

Except, as far as I'm aware, the Inhumans are nowhere in sight in the Hulk's strip.

Instead, he's still battling the Cobalt Man who explodes at the tale's climax, joining a healthy list of characters who've experienced an unscheduled violent self-disassembly event during encounters with the Hulk.

In no mood to fly apart is Daredevil who's just worked out that Death's Head is none other than Karen Page's dad!

And the Fantastic Four are prisoners of Maximus the Mad - and the pesky tyrant has plans to gain control of all humankind!

Now our heroes are in trouble because the giant brains have escaped!

Even if they do look like giant maggots.

Anyway, it would appear it's curtains for those giant brains, as Jason, Alexander and their allies set about trashing their subterranean base.

Next, Shanna and Ka-Zar defeat the Red Wizard who turns out not to be a Wizard at all and has been using technology to fake having magic powers. Not to mention using robot dinosaurs. Methinks a nod towards The Wizard of Oz is occurring.

After that, the Black Panther discovers that All Our Past Decades Have Seen Revolutions!

More importantly, Venomm makes a bid to break out of jail.

And it appears it's going to be successful!

Iron Fist is in England. Dracula is in America. It's like some sort of super-powered foreign exchange programme.

Exactly what Drac's up to in the States, I'm not at all clear about but I suspect he may have arrived in search of - not paradise - but Dr Sun.

Elsewhere, as agreed, Moon Knight delivers Jack Russell to the Committee but then has a change of heart and helps his captive thwart the evil organisation.

And the Man-Thing's up to something or other in a tale called The Survivors!

Politics comes to the Spider-World, as the Disruptor shows us all how to do democracy the direct way and Mary Jane reveals she votes for candidates purely on the grounds of how dishy they are.

Definitely not dishy is Umar the Unstoppable who decides to attack Dr Strange, while Mother Earth is warning Clea about something or other.

I do believe this week's double-page pin-up features the Man-Thing vs the Werewolf by Night

In a rather more technological vein, Iron Man's still battling the Mandarin, in an episode ominously titled Unmasked!

And, in the Thing's strip the Miracle Man is back and again causing trouble for Wyatt Wingfoot's tribe. With opposition on that level, it looks like the help of a Ghost Rider shall be required.

And, when it comes to Thor's strip, our hero manages to convince his friends that Loki has swapped bodies with him and has to be stopped. However, Neal Adams doesn't appear to have arrived yet.

Subby makes the cover but our lead tale is one in which the X-Men are having trouble with the Mutant-Master.

And even the villain's lackey, the Changeling, is starting to have doubts about the wisdom of his plan to destroy the planet Earth.

Following that, as the cover makes clear, Subby's having problems with the Plunderer.

Captain America's up to something with an agent in a communist land and, while he's at it, has time to help destroy that land's brand new secret death-ray thing.

After that, we encounter a short tale in which a pre-X-Men Charles Xavier travels to Washington, in a bid to convince the FBI that not all mutants are bad.

And Captain Marvel's assailed by a number of his old foes.

Including Rick Jones!

But it turns out to be a trick by the Super Skrull, on behalf of his mysterious boss.

But who could that boss be?

Who?

The Marvel Lucky Bag - April 1986.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Cinemas!

What films were making their debuts within them, during this month in 1986?

These films were: Critters, A Room With a View, Absolute Beginners, Wise Guys and 8 Million Ways to Die.

Of those, I've seen the whole of Critters and some of Absolute Beginners and, Reader, I can declare Critters to be the better of those two features.

I pass no judgement upon the other films.

The Eternals revival is still going and I've no idea what happens in this issue.

However, I do know the Arctic may be a location.

We all love to see a brand new comic send our local spinner racks into a spin, and that means we'll, no doubt, be thrilled to find Droids appearing there.

My razor-sharp senses tells me it's some sort of spin-off from Star Wars and that, this issue, on the planet Dodz, our beloved robots help unseat a greedy governor.

Despite the popularity of Star Wars, I do believe this mag will last for just eight issues.

Having already lasted three times that long, Dreadstar hits its 24th edition - and does so with someone called Monalo defeating someone called Willow and taking her prisoner.

However, this series only has two more issues left in it.

Displaying far more staying power is Dr Strange who hits the 76th issue of his current book - and does so by talking on Iuriale who's a siren, despite looking suspiciously like a gorgon on that cover.

Assuming, of course, that that's her and not someone else entirely.

But it would appear this mag has just five more issues left in it.

Clearly, the death of the Sphinx was nothing but a mere inconvenience to the villain, as he's back again!

I know little of this adventure but I do know Evil Hyperion is killed by Good Hyperion!

I anticipate plenty of action, as the Punisher tries to put a stop to the Trust and their army of Punisher clones!

Holy Somatic Cell Nuclear Transfer, Batman! Shades of DC's early 1970s Manhunter revival!

I couldn't claim it's a sight we've never seen before when an article in the Daily Bugle sends Spider-Man over the edge and he sets off on a revenge mission against its publisher.

And I know nothing of events in this one. Other than that the tale within is titled Counterpane and brought to us by J. M. DeMatteis and Jon J. Muth

Forty years ago today - April 1986.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Plunge with me into the past, using my patented Steve Does Comics Time-Plunger, guaranteed to never fail.

Now Loki's in trouble.

Thor's back in Asgard and out to get him for turning him into a frog.

But it's actually Volstagg who turns out to be the hero of the day by finding the late Surtur's sword and using its magic to break the spell!

Speaking of trouble, Blastaar is back.

And so is Annihilus!

I've read this story.

And I have absolutely no recollection of anything that happens in it.

But I do have a feeling Nightcrawler might be in a mood because his recent stint as an inter-dimensional swash-buckler is over.

Then again, I could be totally wrong.

It's chewed fingernails all round, as the gang of thugs Ernie Popchik shot at, in the subway, turns up at May's boarding house to claim its revenge.

I believe this is another of those periodic stories where Peter decides to give up being Spider-Man, only for circumstances to force him to change his mind.

Bruce Banner's put together a crack team of cracked scientists in a bid to destroy the now-mindless Hulk, while Doc Samson's still out to track down the beast and give him a good chinning.

And what's this? Betty agrees to marry Bruce?

Well, we all know how that always ends.

As we all remember, the Armadillo is a man who became a deformed monster, in order to save the life of his beloved.

But now it's all gone wrong because he's found that self-same beloved is cheating on him!

There's only one thing for it.

He's going to have to go on a rampage!

The battle with the Beyonder may be out of the way but it's only gone and torn a great big hole in some mountains, leaving a huge gash in the Earth's crust that'll cause the planet's destruction within hours.

There's only one man can save the day.

And that's the Molecule Man.

But will he be willing to do it?

Matt Murdock's still blundering around feeling sorry for himself, now that the Kingpin's ruined his life.

And then he gets stabbed by a mugger.

There's only one thing for it.

He's going to have to get help from Sister Maggie.

You know?

Sister Maggie?

The one who's been there, right from the very birth of Daredevil?

You know? Along with Stick and Elektra?

You know? As featured in Daredevil #1 and Sons of Origins of Marvel Comics?

Conan arrives in town to warn some king or other of impending doom but ends up climbing a tower, to prove his worth - and, therein, finds a rather important prisoner....

Just when we'd all forgotten about the Hobgoblin (well, I had, anyway), he's back.

And so is the Rose who I'd also forgotten about.

But it's a rather unpleasant tale with Flash hitting both his girlfriend Sha Shan and Ned Leeds, before the Hobgoblin takes the poor woman hostage.

I'm struggling to recall anything that happens in this one but I have the feeling MODOK's corpse is under the remote control of someone at AIM who's out to gain command of the organisation.

April 10th, 1976 - Marvel UK, 50 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

If it's true that nature abhors a vacuum, so does politics.

And, so - as Colin Jones pointed out the other day - with Harold Wilson gone, the week in question saw James Callaghan take over as Labour Party leader and become the new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Also ruling the roost in Britain were the Brotherhood of Man whose Save Your Kisses For Me remained Number One on the singles chart.

But there was change afoot on the album rankings, as the pinnacle was suddenly grabbed by Rock Follies, the Original Soundtrack from the TV show of the same name. How we thrilled as Rula Lenska, Julie Covington and the other one were propelled to stardom, before our very eyes, in a drama series about the highs, lows and excesses of the music business.

But what else was going on?

Clearly, all human beings were enchanted by the Brotherhood of Man but, amazingly, there were other tracks on that week's UK Hit parade that I appreciated even more.

Among them were:

Fernando - ABBA

I'm Mandy, Fly Me - 10cc

Yesterday - the Beatles

Hey Jude {1976} - the Beatles

I Love to Love - Tina Charles

Paperback Writer {1976} - the Beatles

Get Back {1976} - the Beatles With Billy Preston

Strawberry Fields Forever - the Beatles

Riders on the Storm {1976} - the Doors

Arms of Mary - Sutherland Brothers and Quiver

S-S-S-Single Bed - Fox

Lazy Sunday {1976} - the Small Faces

All by Myself - Eric Carmen

and

Help! {1976} - the Beatles.

All I can say is it's obvious nostalgia was ruling the roost on UK turntables at the time.

But I do find it Interesting that Emmylou Harris's cover of Here, There and Everywhere and Diana Ross's version of Theme from Mahogany (Do You Know Where You're Going To?) were both on the chart simultaneously, given the two songs' strong melodic similarities.

Also interesting that not only did the Beatles have a zillion tracks in the Top 50, Mary Hopkin and Hot Chocolate were also there, both of whom started out as acts on the Beatles' Apple label. Truly, it was like the 1960s had never ended.

Regardless, should one wish to investigate that singles chart in greater depth, it can be found here.

While the accompanying LP rankings lurk within.

Despite what it says on that cover, it's the Squadron Supreme - and not the Squadron Sinister - who put in an appearance, this week.

And it happens when the Avengers find themselves on an alternate Earth where the characters who they normally know as villains, are Justice League style heroes.

But, before that, Conan finds himself in the desert, getting bitten by a snake and suffering a severe shortage of water. 

I've no doubt, however, that he'll be up on his feet in no time and be all set to battle a giant crocodile for the love of a good woman.

As for Iron Fist, he has to thwart Radion, following the villain's bad-mannered destruction of the Post Office Tower.

And the Phantom Eagle's still in this book and still doing World War One things.

II must confess I had little tolerance for the giant brains in goldfish bowls that turned up in the Jason and Alexander stories, as such a thing seemed too B-movie and far-fetched for a Planet of the Apes story.

In the where of else, Shanna and Ka-Zar continue to have problems with the Red Wizard and his desire to sacrifice them for the benefit of the Savage Land.

And the Black Panther gets to ride on a giant pterodactyl - and polishes off Salamander K'Ruel, into the bargain!

Maybe I'm just imagining things but I've always assumed this cover to be an homage to that of The Incredible Hulk #3.

It seems a strange thing to pay homage to in a Dracula comic but such is life. Not that Dracula is alive.

Although I know little of the Drac tale contained within, I do believe he decides to hijack a fighter jet.

Elsewhere, Jack Russell's furry alter-ego's still grappling with Moon Knight who's trying to deliver him to the Committee.

And I do believe the Man-Thing helps out when a bus crashes into his swamp.

The Cobalt Man's still causing trouble - especially for Australia because, as far as I can remember, he's hatched a plan to destroy the city of Sydney!

In the United States, Daredevils' still got his hands full, trying to put a stop to Death's Head.

And suspicion is starting to fall upon the butler...

And the Fantastic Four have headed to the Great Refuge, in a bid to dethrone Maximus the Mad who's, yet again, found himself in control of the place.

It's exciting times for me.

After months of Spider-Man's comic being noticeable by its absence from my local newsagents, it's now been available there for two consecutive weeks and, my future self can report it will continue to stay that way.

Truly, the Marvel UK distribution drought is over!

And what a way for it to end, as the Smasher tries to subvert New York democracy by setting out to kill squeaky-clean Mayoral candidate Richard Raleigh!

I've no doubt the webbed wonder won't stand for that kind of thing.

But, first, he has to make sure a ceiling doesn't collapse on everyone at a big political shindig.

Elsewhere, there's more trouble for Thor when Loki uses his magic to swap bodies with the thunder god.

Dr Strange, meanwhile, enters Clea's mind, in a bid to stop Silver Dagger. And that's when things go a bit Alice in Wonderland...

Iron Man's still up against the Mandarin.

And, at the issue's climax, Dr Strange is back again.

But, this time, he's teaming up with the Thing in an adventure titled ...The Spectral Shower! An adventure I possess zero recollection of.

At last, the X-Men get to meet the representatives of Factor Three who turn out to be a small cadre of their old foes in alliance with a character called the Changeling and the mysterious Mutant-Master.

And they plan to put the heroes on trial for their crimes against mutantkind!

Captain America's up against Batroc the Leaper who's been, how you say, hired to nobble him, by Hydra, but then turns against that organisation when he decides they lack the necessary level of honour to impress him.

After that, the Sub-Mariner finds himself up against the awesome power of the Plunderer.

And salvation's at hand for all lovers of good comics, as Jim Starlin takes over the pencilling duties on Captain Marvel.

My knowledge of that adventure is vague but I do believe Rick Jones goes to visit someone called Professor Savannah.

Only to discover the man's been killed!

But, hold on. Isn't there a major character called Dr Sivana in the adventures of the Shazam version of Captain Marvel?

Professor Savannah?

Dr Sivana?

I suspect this cannot be mere coincidence.

The Marvel Lucky Bag - April 1976.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

How many films have I seen that came out in April 1976?

None.

Am I going to let that prevent me from mentioning them?

Why would I let it do that? After all, among those movies were such imperishables as The Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox, The Bad News Bears, All the President's Men, The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the Sea, Eat My Dust! and Hollywood Boulevard.

Based on my zero experience of them, I'm going to assume the best of that bunch was All the President's Men.

But what of comics?

Laughing Bob Larkin gives us a cover we'll never forget, as Planet of the Apes hits its 19th issue.

And it does so by presenting us with the twin adventures Demons of the Psychedrome and The Savage is King! I believe that at least one of those tales involves Jason and Alexander.

But this is a magazine. And that means it also gives us articles. And that means this issue presents us with The Written Worlds of the Apes in which Jim Whitmore reviews several paperbacks linked to the franchise.

And what's this?

A devil-hound? Loose on the moors?

It can only be a job for Sherlock Holmes, as unleashed upon us by Dashing Doug Moench and Vivacious Val Mayerik.

You may have thought The Invaders was all the Golden Age heroic action you needed from Marvel but it turns out you were wrong because the Liberty Legion turn up to do something or other, fashioned by the fingers of Roy Thomas and Don Heck.

I must disgracefully admit I've never seen the movie version of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

In fact, the only time I've ever encountered Captain Nemo on celluloid is in Mysterious island.

Fortunately Otto Binder, Romy Gamboa and Ernie Patricio are here to let us know just what happens in the book, thanks to their thrilling adaptation of it.

Come to think of it, I've never seen any movie version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame either.

But, yet again, Marvel has come to my rescue, as Naunerle Farr and June Lofamia give us their version of events.

I have, however, seen the Time Machine.

In fact, I've seen both film versions of it and can declare I prefer the first.

But here's another stab at the beast. This time, delivered by Otto Binder and Alex Niño, in which a Victorian scientist travels to the far future and has an adventure upon which the fate of what's left of humanity must rest.

Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was, indisputably, not a patch on Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde but it did its best.

And you know who else are doing their best? Kin Platt and Nestor Redondo, as they bring us their vision of Robert Louis Stevenson's classic tale of potions gone wrong.

Not content with that, Marvel brings us its adaption of Tarzan.

I mean, The Land that Time Forgot.

I mean, its tale of Ka-Zar having a fight with a pterodactyl over the streets of London, thanks to Klaw and his new business partner from another dimension being up to no good. 

It's all drama drama drama for our hero.

After Radion blows up the Post Office Tower, I Ron Fist has to find a way to stop the nuclear nincompoop before he does even more damage to London's skyline.