Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 18: Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind. Marvel Super Special #3.

It's back! That legendary feature where I talk about comics I never had as a youth but always wanted.

And that means it's time to get cinematical!

How well I recall the adverts for Marvel Super Special #3. Then again, it's hard to forget them, as they seemed to be a regular feature on the backs of Marvel UK's mags for months - if not years - on end.

But, even without that, how could anyone have forgotten them, seeing as the book featured a movie close to the hearts of all of us who love to make mountains from mashed potatoes?

In retrospect, exactly why I wanted this adaptation, I'm not sure, bearing in mind that I'd already seen the film and it was therefore hardly likely to contain any surprises for me.

I suspect my interest was almost entirely down to Bob Larkin's thrillingly dramatic cover and the never-ending appeal of flying saucers and little grey men. Not to mention the flat-topped mountain whose shape so reminded me of the slag heaps of South Yorkshire and the North Midlands that I was so familiar with in my youth. You see? If Steven Spielberg had grown up where I did, that film would have had a whole lot less mystery and glamour.

Then again, if he'd grown up where I did, E.T. would have been called Ee! Tea! and been a much different experience.

All that aside, my critical faculties tell me there's an obvious problem with doing a comic book adaptation of Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

And that's that the whole movie hinges on a piece of music.

Bearing in mind that the one thing that comics can't do is music, how could it possibly be viable to do a comic book adaptation of it?

I have no idea.

Given that I've still never seen a copy of the thing, I fear the matter will have to remain as great a mystery to me as the true motives of the alien visitors who kidnap me from my bed every night and subject me to their nightmarish experiments.

I wouldn't mind but they're experiments in comedy improv.

Reader, words cannot express the dread horror of it all.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 17: Batman #259.

Yes! Yes, Mr Cover Designer! I CAN spot Bruce Wayne in that picture! He's clearly the man in the scarf, holding the gun and looking a bit miffed at everyone. I am me and I demand my prize!

If there was one 1970s Batman story I wanted to read more than his team-up with Manhunter, it was his collaboration with the Shadow. I wanted to be Batman. I wanted to be the Shadow. I also wanted to be the Spectre but I'd have to die to be that, so I was happy to settle for being either of the other two. Therefore how could I not love them being in one story together?

Actually, were they in one story together? Nick Cardy's cover for Batman #259 leaves it in some doubt as to whether DC's nocturnal knights would ever meet.

Sadly, I never got to find out because I never got to read the comic. But what a magnificent treat I have no doubt it was.

But let's be honest, who cares about  the Shadow and Batman? One look at that cover tells us what we really want to see - the feature where DC unveils new costumes designed for Robin by me the readers.

Bearing in mind the less-than-stellar costumes I the reader inflicted on poor old Supergirl when given the chance to design new costumes for her, one can only shudder at what nightmares I the reader inflicted on Robin, bearing in mind he wasn't necessarily the most dignifiedly attired man in the first place.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 16: Unknown Worlds of Science Fiction #4.

When I was a  child, I got the idea into my head that science-fiction was a big, grown-up thing for grown-ups and it might therefore hurt my little brain to read it.

As nearly all my favourite movies were science fiction films and all my favourite comics were, to some degree, based on sci-fi principles, I have no idea where I got this notion from. But, somehow, it meant I didn't register those films or comics as being science fiction.

I think I'd decided that for something to qualify as sci-fi, it had to be pretentious. As the things I liked were mostly not pretentious, they therefore couldn't be sci-fi. Clearly, children, like Mancunian criminals, often see things in strange ways.

Regardless of my fear of science fiction hurting my brain, whenever I saw this issue advertised I wanted it.

Bafflingly, I did see it in a shop once but it never occurred to me to actually buy it.

While a lot of the tales from Unknown Worlds found their way into Marvel UK's weekly Planet of the Apes comic, a quick look at its entry on the Grand Comics Database tells me the only story title in this issue that rings a bell is something called Kick the Can. If it was indeed reprinted in Planet of the Apes, I have a feeling it involved an alien, a human and them firing ray guns at each other in between childhood flashbacks.

Of course, the title also made me think of Suzi Quatro's Can the Can and I shall therefore always associate it with leather catsuits.

But then, to be honest, I associate everything in life with leather catsuits.

It gives me pleasure to do so.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 15: The Super-Heroes #1.

I think most people are by now familiar with the tragic circumstances that mean I'm currently trapped on Earth and cannot soar through the spaceways as is my birthright.

That being the case, I was always going to be fascinated by the Silver Surfer.

When I say, "fascinated," I of course mean bored senseless. Has there ever been a bigger Moping Minnie than Norrin Radd? Always standing around on that board, grizzling about something or other? If it wasn't the plight of the Yetis he was whining about, it was Mephisto trying to steal his soul, or not being able to get his leg-over with that clingy wet blanket Shalla-Bal.

Fortunately, when I was a child, I wasn't familiar enough with his adventures to be aware of that. Nor was I perhaps a sophisticated enough reader to spot this failing anyway.

All I knew was the Silver Surfer flew around a lot, had turned up in The Fantastic Four and The Incredible Hulk and he seemed a lively piece of work. And so, when I saw it advertised, I quite fancied getting my hands on Marvel UK's Super-Heroes #1.

Reader, I never did - though I did get my hands on two later issues; the one where the Flying Dutchman shows up and the one where the Surfer meets some descendant or other of Baron Frankenstein. Somehow, when I read these tales as a kid, I was too snow-blinded by John Buscema's impossibly elegant artwork to notice what a pain the Surfer himself actually was, and I loved them.

As for the tale printed in issue #1, I'm assuming that was his origin tale and, fortunately, my suffering didn't turn out to be to prolonged, as I was later exposed to that very adventure in Sons of Origins of Marvel Comics. Thanks to its guest appearance by Galactus, I enjoyed it immensely.

As for the X-Men story featured in issue #1, I still to this day have no idea what it was.

Then again, the original X-Men have always grabbed me even less than the Surfer, so perhaps it was for the best that I never had the issue after all.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 14: The Deadly Hands of Kung Fu #1.

The Martial Arts - just one slip of the typing fingers away from the Marital Arts and yet, in some ways, so very different.

But what a marvellous thing they were. Not only did they offer each of us the hope that one day we might be able to kill people with our bare hands but, without them, would the world have ever had Emma Peel, Joanna Lumley or the sight of Ingrid Pitt karate-kicking the Sea Devils' pet Myrkka?

More to the point, without them, we'd never have had The Deadly Hands of Kung Fu #1.

As a matter of fact, I never did have The Deadly Hands of Kung Fu #1 - as I never saw an issue of it in the shops, ever.

I did however see numerous adverts for it in Marvel's other mags and was suitably wowed by Neal Adams' cover, even though I didn't know it was a Neal Adams cover at the time.

What actually happened in The Deadly Hands of Kung Fu #1?

I don't have a Scooby.

There's no mention on the cover blurb of either Shang-Chi or Iron Fist. There's not even a mention of The Sons of the Tiger. To be honest, if you're a Marvel comics editor and you do a Kung Fu mag and you don't even include the Sons of the Tiger, then you really are clueless about what the public want.

Still, as a mere stripling, such concerns never occurred to me. I took it for granted that Marvel's greatest fighters were in it and I knew, from its cover alone, that it looked a mighty fine magazine indeed.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 13: Vampire Tales #10.

"Steve!" people demand. "Why did you stop doing Sheffield's Most Wanted? Was it because you feared such excitement might blow people's minds and leave them as barely more than vegetables?"

No, I tell them. It was because I'm half-senile and had totally forgotten the feature ever existed.

Well, that's all changed now because perusing my old posts has brought it back into my consciousness as never before.

And that can only mean one thing.

It's time for me to ramble on about yet another comic I never owned as a kid but always wanted to.

As a child, I only knew of Vampire Tales #10 from monochrome ads in such mags as Savage Sword of Conan and Monsters Unleashed but that was enough to grab me.

Such was the allure of those adverts that, using the most sophisticated image-processing software known to man, I've removed the colour from that cover just to remind myself of it as I know it best.

I'm not sure I knew back then who Morbius was - I almost certainly saw the ads before I'd read his debut reprinted in Spider-Man Comics Weekly - but, having experienced Marvel's other black and white titles, and one issue of Vampirella, I was well up for some magazine format vampirism.

Let's face it, who could resist a blurb like, "Even Morbius cannot survive the Plague of Blood!"?

And who could resist that cover, which the GCD informs me is by Richard Hescox, an artist of whom I must admit I know nothing.

So, there you have it; a character of whom I knew nothing, painted by an artist of whom I knew nothing, in a magazine of which I knew nothing. If that doesn't prove the power of mystery, then what could?

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 12: Ghosts Limited Collectors' Edition.

As I roam the amusement parks of Sheffield, going, "Wooooooooooo," and pretending to be a monster so I can scare away the locals and help myself to the pirate's treasure that rumour has it is buried beneath them, people often say to me, "Steve, as Sheffield's acknowledged master of fear, which was your favourite 1970s' DC horror mag?"

And I say, "Much as I loved the likes of House of Mystery/Secrets, Weird War Tales and the Witching Hour, there's one that stands out head and shoulders above them all."

That comic is Ghosts.

I think the reason it stands out is obvious.

You see, reader, as its cover blurb told us, every single tale in it was true.

Yes, all of them - even the ones that only involved one character who ended up dead at the end, with no witnesses, meaning there's no way anyone could ever have known what had happened in order to recount the tale. The fact that such events still managed to make it into print shows you just how thorough the DC writers were in their research.

And that meant I always wanted the Ghosts Limited Collectors' Edition.

As far as I'm concerned, a comic can never go wrong with a skeleton on the front of it, nor with a haunted house on the front of it, nor with curious but imprudent youngsters on the front of it. I assume this cover's drawn by Nick Cardy, and it gives us all three of those features.

Not only that but it promises ten Halloween spine-chillers, four tense tales of haunted houses, a midnight maze puzzle and a 3-D Trick-or-Treat cut-out. Obviously, as an Englishman, I have no idea what this Trick-or-Treat thing is of which they speak but it certainly sounds exciting and I can't wait for it to catch on in this country.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 11: DC Famous 1st Edition #C-26, Action Comics #1.

While the world holds its breath awaiting the outcome of our poll to find the Avengers' greatest enemy, it's time for Steve Does Comics to bring back the Internet's most demanded feature, as I once more ramble on about a comic I've never read but always wanted as a kid.

I have to admit that, even now, I've never read Superman's debut tale. But that's all right, as I've managed to divine his origin from other places. Thus I know that Clark Kent was a nerdy reporter until bitten by a radioactive spider, whereupon he took to dressing up as a bat to fight crime.

Of course I'd have known all this sooner if I'd had the catchily titled DC Famous First Edition #C-26 which reprinted Action Comics #1 in all its glory. I was never, as a child, in any doubt that, being very old, the contents would be crude compared to what were then modern standards but, still, the chance to see how it all started was a severe temptation for me.

One thing that does strike me is that, looking at this title's entry on the Grand Comics Database, Action Comics #1 would appear to have had seventy two pages. Was it normal in the 1930s for comics to have that high a page count? I always knew old comics had more content than their modern equivalents but I was assuming it was something like fifty pages. If seventy two was the norm, they certainly believed in giving you value for your 10 cents back then.

Steve Does Comics' 100,000th Anniversary Special! Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 10: Batman Limited Collector's Edition. All-Villain Issue.

Wham! Bam! Splokk! And whatever other sound effects you can think of - because, like a drunk smashing majestically through a plate-glass window, Steve Does Comics has finally crashed through the 100,000 page-views mark.

With this blog's usual Route One approach, that'd normally be my cue to post a picture of the cover of issue #100,000 of various comics and pass comments on them along the lines of, "I've never read this one and don't have a clue what happens in it."

Sadly, thanks to the major comics publishers' habit of relaunching their titles every few years, we're never likely to see a comic hit the 100,000 issue mark. So, instead I'll ramble on about yet another comic I always wanted as a kid but never had. This time out, it's another of Batman's Limited Collector's Editions.

I always loved the way Jim Aparo drew torsos, so this was always going to appeal to me. Surely only the terminally unexcitable could fail to be aroused by the sight of our felon-bashing fledermaus reacting dramatically to the sight of his deadliest foes being Bat-Signalled into a purple dusk. You also have to dig that cape too. The way Aparo used to draw it, it was practically a character in its own right.

Steve Does Comics: How it all
began, 100,000 years ago.
Click the pic to go there.

If the cover blurb's to be believed, there's all the usual features one expects of a DC Limited Collector's Edition but you also get a giant pin-up plan of the Batcave - which means that all the villains on the cover had to do was buy a copy of the comic and they'd have access to all of Batman's greatest secrets.

Why, with knowledge like that, it could only be a matter of time before Two-Face stole Bats' giant coin.

And then what would our hero do if he ever encountered a giant bubble-gum machine and had no giant money with which to buy a circular ball of latex he'd be scared to swallow in case it wrapped itself round his intestines?

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 9: Phantom Stranger #29.

Follow me into strange worlds - for I am Steve What Does Comics, and many are the comics I never had as a child.

This time out, in the feature the whole world's talking about, it's The Phantom Stranger #29 that comes under scrutiny.

Keen readers of this blog'll know I was a bit of a Phantom Stranger fan, even though he hardly ever did anything apart from appearing from behind bushes to give people a futile lecture before disappearing again.

However, there was an issue of The Phantom Stranger that I always wanted but never had.

And this was it.

My finely honed senses tell me it features an evil doll.

In fact, the Grand Comics Database tells me it features, "The Devil Dolls of Dr Z," which implies there were more than one of them - and that none of them were very nice.

Speaking as someone who remembers, with the appropriate level of dread, the killer troll doll in Dr Who's Terror of the Autons, and thinks Karen Black's homicidal Zuni fetish doll in A Trilogy of Terror is a journey into fear that only the strongest can survive, I'm always going to be hooked by tales of evil dolls - even if I won't be able to sleep afterwards for fear of what my own treasured dollies might do to me while I'm insensible.

But rarely has a comic book cover flung such an air of malice and menace in the face of a potential reader as this one did. And rarely therefore have I felt so compelled to buy a comic as I would've done had it ever appeared in front of me, demanding to be bought.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 8: Batman meets the Spectre. Brave and the Bold #116.

Once more Steve Does Comics casts off the icy grip of the grave, whips out its Ouija and returns from beyond the veil to look at another comic I always wanted as a kid but never owned.

This time it's the meeting of DC's two finest men of mystery, as Batman teams up with the Spectre to fight whatever forces it is they're up against.

As a kid, I loved Batman and I loved the Spectre. Thanks to The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, I also loved murderous multi-armed goddesses. I loved Jim Aparo and I loved 100 page comics. So, when you put all that together on one cover, how was I ever not going to be drawn to The Brave and the Bold #116?

Although I never had it as a kid, I read this tale a few months ago, online, and was somewhat disappointed with it, as Batman and the Spectre acted like old buddies and even knew each other's secret identities. It has to be said the Spectre presented here seemed far removed from the totally unknown Vengeance of God character I knew from the Michael Fleisher Adventure Comics tales.

But then, I don't suppose that version of the character would even have wasted his time teaming up with Batman.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 7: Swamp Thing #5.

Glug, gluggle glog and slurg; bubbling like a mad thing, Steve Does Comics emerges from the swamp to list the latest comic it always wanted as a child but never possessed.

I only ever had one issue of DC's Swamp Thing - and this wasn't it. The one I had was, if I remember correctly, the penultimate issue and drawn by Nestor Redondo. While the inside of that comic was a beautiful thing to look at, the cover was pretty run of the mill.

Swamp Thing #5 on the other hand, I have no idea what it looks like inside but you can't ignore the thing it's wrapped in.

Actually this is the first time I've ever seen it in colour as, at the time, I'd only ever encountered it via those one-page ads DC used to run where they'd post a picture of five or six random titles they had out that month, while reproducing them with a seriously strange colour scheme. Therefore I had no inkling as to how brightly-coloured parts of the cover really are.

Still, even if I'd have preferred it to be more darkly lit, the sheer dramatic composition of Bernie Wrightson's image - with its echoes of old Universal horror films, and Swampy bursting out of the frame itself to do some serious smiting - was more than enough to sell me on the thing.

All of this inevitably raises one obvious question. And that's the subject of the site's latest life-or-death poll which can be found in the life-or-death sidebar to the right of this life-or-death blog.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 6: Batman Limited Collector's Edition.

While Mantis takes a breather, pondering the twists and turns of her battle with the Star-Stalker, it's time for me to slide down the Batpole of Nostalgia, into the Batcave of Reverie, into the Batmobile of Memory and out onto the streets of Comicdom City to consider yet another mag I always wanted as a kid but never got.

You may just have guessed from my subtle intro that this time out it's Batman and his Limited Collector's Edition.

Sadly, even though I was indeed a limited collector, I never managed to come by a copy of it.

But one look at that Neal Adams cover, showing Batman running around in mud, when he should've had the sense to make Alfred do that, should be enough to explain why I wanted it.

Nor was the cover the only secret of its allure. If the accompanying blurb was to be believed, the mag had 6 spine-tingling stories, 3 super-size pin-ups, a guide on how to draw Batman, and yet another 3D diorama cut-out.

I'm telling you; if only I'd had all those collector's editions, my life would've been so 3D that I'd've ended up with a sense of depth that would've left me thinking Radiohead sounded like Wham.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 5: Tarzan Limited Collectors' Edition.

Yodel-odel-odel-odel-o!!! It's time for me to depart my tree house and swing anew from the jungle vine of Nostalgia as I once more recall a comic I always wanted as a child but never had.

Even though I was a big fan of the Ron Ely Tarzan shows and the Johnny Weissmuller movies, I must confess I was never interested in the comics of that name.

After all, we comic lovers had Ka-Zar who was not only lord of the jungle but fought dinosaurs and had a sabre tooth tiger. In comparison to such exotic fare, Tarzan seemed a very mundane proposition.

The one exception was DC's Tarzan Limited Collectors' Edition. That Joe Kubert cover, showing Tarzan fighting a giant, erm, whatever kind of ape that's meant to be, while other non-specific apes watched on, was enough to entice any man into handing over his cash.

Looking at it now, I can't help but feel Tarzan looks a little apathetic about it all, and it doesn't half seem like cheating that he has a dagger and his opponent doesn't.

Then again, Tarzan's pointing it at his own genitals so maybe it's a bigger danger to him than it is to his foe. Or perhaps Tarzan's playing the, "Let me go or I'll impale my cobblers," trick that's served me so well over the years whenever I've been attacked by wild beasts.

But, beyond the fight, there's more - the promises of a giant pin-up of the jungle lord, and a guide as to how to draw Tarzan, not to mention a 3D diorama cut-out of something or other.

I like to think it was a cut-out of the whole of Africa but I suspect it wasn't.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 4: The House of Mystery, Limited Collectors' Edition.

Shiver, mortals, as Steve Does Comics delves into realms of fear and terror for yet another look at a comic I always wanted as a kid but never managed to acquire.

Unlike the Marvel Treasury Editions, the DC Limited Collector's Editions never seemed to show up in Sheffield - maybe that's why they called them, "Limited." Or if they did show up I somehow never noticed them.

That of course didn't stop me from coveting them.

And one of my most coveted was The House of Mystery's venture into the format.

As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I was always a sucker for DC's horror anthologies, so this was always going to grab me.

Just look at that hand beckoning us inward to experience the horrific delights it has to offer.

Look at that promise of a lesson in how to draw a haunted house.

Look at that offer of seven king-size tales.

Most of all, look at that promise of a 3D mystery cut-out - a promise I to this day still always misread as, "3D mystery cat." 

What kind of lunatic could say no to a 3D mystery cat?

Not this kind of lunatic. Why, to even think of refusal would be to show a disgraceful lack of manners - and Manners is my middle name.

Actually it's not. As we all know, my middle name is Does. But that's a whole other issue- as is whatever comic I'll be talking about in my next post from the Frontline of Nostalgia.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 3: Savage Sword of Conan #5.

Outside, the wind might be blowing up a storm but in the sheltered recesses of the Internet, the world practically stops on its axis as yet again I highlight a comic I always wanted as a kid but never managed to acquire.

This time it's The Savage Sword of Conan #5; upon whose cover we find the Hyborian Hero nailed to a cross, as a vulture gets ready to tuck in. If this was The Beano, that vulture would of course be holding a knife and fork while wearing a napkin tied around its neck. Oddly enough, artist Boris Vallejo didn't think to add that detail.

Apparently laid out by John Buscema, the pic has crucifixion, it has vultures and it has a big skull. As DC's regular Weird War Tales cover man Luis Dominguez could tell you, a comic book cover can never go wrong with a good skull on it.

Not only does Savage Sword of Conan #5 have a great cover but it also appears to feature an adaptation of A Witch Shall Be Born, one of my favourite Robert E Howard Conan tales.

Not that I knew back then that it was one of my favourite Robert E Howard Conan tales as, at that point, I'd never read any of them. Since then I've read them all - and have come to the conclusion that I agree with myself on the matter.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 2: The Shadow #1.

The Internet's most sensational new feature returns as Steve Does Comics once more talks about a comic it's never read.

That's right, it's time for me to tackle another mag I always wanted as a kid but failed to get my hands on.

This time out it's DC's The Shadow #1.

I don't think I need to explain for one moment why I wanted it. One look at that Mike Kaluta cover should be enough to dispel all doubt, as the Shadow looms large over the skyscrapers, neon signs and traininess of New York city - much as I always dreamed of looming large over the chip shops, dual carriageways and spoon factories of Sheffield.

I claimed to have not read The Shadow #1, and it's true that I never read it as a kid. Thanks though to the wonders of the 21st Century, I did in fact read an online reproduction of it a few months back. As expected, it was all very stylish but the truth is I prefer Frank Robbins' more energetic take on the character.

PS. I mentioned in this post from February a list of songs I always associate with certain issues of certain comics. And that applies to this one as well. For whatever reason, I can't look at that Kaluta cover without hearing ABBA's Money Money Money in my head.

I also can't avoid thinking of a long-forgotten ITV sit-com called Squirrels but that's a whole other story.

Sheffield's Most Wanted. Part 1: Detective Comics #443.

For the most part I was extremely lucky as a child. My nightmare of being forced to appear on Mike Reid's Runaround never became reality and I also managed to get my hands on most of the comics that I ever wanted.

However, just as no game show is ever free of fear, no life is perfect and there were a number of comics I always coveted but never got my grubby little hands on. In an exciting new feature that'll no doubt prove to be as popular as my legendary Supergirl Sunday slot, I'll from time to time be giving those comics a quick mention.

First on the list has to be Detective Comics #443. Not only was it a 100 pager, not only did it have a cover by Jim Aparo, not only did it feature the Spectre but it gave us the meeting of Detective Comics' then two biggest stars, Batman and Walt Simonson's Manhunter. Was there really anyone alive who could take one look at the pair of them stood back-to-back on that cover and not want that comic? Just the positioning of their feet alone was enough to sell the thing to you.

I actually got my hands on a copy a couple of years back, as part of a job-lot, and it was OK but if only I'd read it as a kid, then I'd really have been able appreciate it.

Actually it's probably best that I didn't. For if I had, my head would surely have burst from all the excitement and left nasty bits of my skull embedded in the walls where they would've become the subject matter of the worst song about wallpaper that Pulp ever wrote.

Sometimes in life it's best that we don't get what we hope for, but such a charming anecdote does give me chance to ask which comics did you always want but never got?