Beowulf #3, Man-Apes and Magic.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

No one likes Sword and Sorcery more than I do.

Well, all right, probably Robert E Howard, JRR Tolkien and a zillion-and-one other people like Sword and Sorcery more than I do.

I did, however, as a youth, have enough fondness for the field to buy the occasional comic, of that genre, that didn't have the word "Conan" in the title.

Beowulf #3 was one of those.

I must confess that, at the time, I was a little bewildered by it, as it didn't feel anything like I'd expect a comic about that hero to be. Nor did his attire look how I'd always assumed it would.

But, now, all these years later, will I dig it, by Crom?

We kick off with the hero and his gang on a ship being attacked by a big octopus thingie. Happily, that octopus thingie promptly explodes like a balloon when Beowulf hits it with his big, spikey mace.

If only all octopus thingies were so easily thwarted.

In the aftermath of this, we discover that, as well as Beowulf's gang being on board, he also has an untrustworthy companion called Unferth who's clearly to Beowulf's mission what Doctor Zachary Smith was to the Robinson family's.

Beowulf, you see, is on a quest to drink the venom of the Black Viper which, in combination with the Ambrosia of the Zumak, will give him the strength he needs to defeat the dastardly Grendel.

This quest now brings our hero to an island, with a skull-shaped mountain, populated by potentially hostile pygmies.

Showing no inclination to act like a traditional barbarian hero, Beowulf tries to befriend them but they're having none of it, as they worship the Black Viper, and their king thinks its powers are what's keeping him alive and healthy. They are, therefore, reluctant to let him kill it.

The misunderstanding amicably sorted out by a quick fight with a giant pygmy and a hefty dose of cheating, Beowulf goes to the cave where the Black Viper lives and, with his bare hands, murders it before drinking its venom.

That's that job sorted. Now to try and find some Ambrosia.

Plotwise, it's very basic, Beowulf and his gang simply go from place to place and fight whatever menace meets them there, usually defeating it with no huge effort on the hero's part. Even the Black Viper which is meant to be the tale's main menace is slaughtered within a few panels, with seemingly little peril to the protagonist.

The story's real strength is its art by Ricardo Villamonte, which is refreshingly uncluttered, using no elements that aren't necessary, but is filled with elegance and style, throughout.

Writer Michael Uslan, meanwhile, may have produced an unimaginative and linear plot but at least he does inject proceedings with a humour that's often lacking in such tales. Although, having Beowulf's resident sorcerer The Shaper invoke the name of Harry Houdini, at one point, does seem a little strange.

In fact, this is possibly the strip's real flaw, in that Uslan seems to be finding it seriously hard to be serious, to a degree that it could be argued fatally robs all proceedings of tension.

There's also the question of Uslan's method for naming characters. Clearly, he's a lover of simply getting modern names and making them sound, "exotic."

So it is that we get the likes of Nan-Zee and Will-Zon. I'm willing to put my neck on the line, right now, and say that Nancy and Wilson are not good names for characters in a Scandinavian epic.

In terms of feel, before one opens the book, one might expect a hefty dose of Conanocity but, in fact, it feels more like a mash-up of Killraven and The Golden Voyage of Sinbad. Indeed, the giant octopus fight at the start does bring to mind a similar battle at sea that Don McGregor and Craig Russell once gave us in that Martian-happy strip.

But there is one mystery.

Why's the story called Man-Apes and Magic when there are barely any signs of man-apes in it? Clearly, someone in the story-titling department was far too keen on simians, for his own good.

February 25th, 1981 - Marvel UK, 40 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon.

***

I always cry at weddings.

Mostly because I hate them.

And they hate me.

In this week, forty years ago, you can, therefore, imagine that hatred filled every corner of my being, as that was the week in which the engagement of Prince Charles and Diana Spencer was announced.

Actually, if I'm honest, I wasn't that bothered, one way or the other.

I had better things to worry about.

Like the launch of yet another Marvel weekly.

Or I would have had I been even remotely aware of it.

But first, as the cover informs us, Spider-Man's having his first encounter with Madame Web.

Daredevil's still revealing his origin to a reporter who, after hearing the tale, decides to destroy the evidence.

Hellcat's trying to use the Shadow Cloak to transport her to where She-Hulk is.

Except it can't because She-Hulk doesn't currently exist, as she's in her Jen Walters guise.

But, with enemies assailing Jen from all sides, that may be about to change...

What the Hulk's up to while all these events are going on is anyone's guess.

My guess is he's still battling Sabra, the scourge of terrorists wherever they may lurk.

And here it is. That new book hits the shops, as Marvel UK's empire swells to a greater size than the human brain can accommodate.

And it all kicks off with John Byrne's run on the title strip.

That can only mean Machinesmith.

And that can only mean Dragon Man!

Elsewhere, the Dazzler makes her disco-riffic debut with the help of Spider-Man who teams up with her to eliminate what seems a fairly minor gang of hoodlums.

In the Defenders' strip, Valkyrie's making her long-awaited return to Asgard - and it looks like Hela's out to cause chaos for all mankind.

Iron Man, meanwhile, is having problems with his armour malfunctioning.

I spot the dastardly hand of Justin Hammer in it.

And, if all that wasn't enough, we even get a free super-hero sticker.

From the cover blurb, it would appear Spider-Man's teaming up with Machine Man.

Exactly who Captain Universe is teaming up with, I couldn't say. I suspect it might be himself.

The Mad Thinker's still out to gain control of ROM, thinking him to be an android. This brilliant plan all goes south when the Thinker's current android turns against his master and abducts him.

Captain Kirk and his gang dispose of the Klingons whose nightmare projector's been causing chaos on the Enterprise. And it's all thanks to Mr Spock and his Vulcan mind-meldiness.

The Micronauts are up to something that I would guess isn't very interesting.

In this week's tale of the Watcher, a man living in the far-future decides to gain total power by stealing the world's only remaining gun.

But he must soon pay the price for his megalomania.

On Counter-Earth, Apollo's true form is revealed in his battle with Adam Warlock but that doesn't do anyone any good, as he decides to take two of Adam's friends hostage.

Conan's been hired as bodyguard to a haughty queen from Africa but, when a pale-skinned slave girl shows up, I think we can all guess whose side he's going to take.

Thor and Ulik are still combining their forces to defeat the menace of Trogg. An act which costs the thunder god the ruby that could have shown him the whereabouts of the missing Odin.

The Warriors of the Shadow Realm are doing something or other.

Dr Strange and Nighthawk put an end to Death-Stalker's thieving from Kyle Richmond's research facility.

By blowing him up.

I suspect that won't prevent him from returning.

And, in the dim and distant past, giant ants are causing no end of trouble for the dim and distant apemen in Devil Dinosaur's life.

2000 AD - January 1983.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

 ***

Rejoice!

The lucky souls who were alive in January 1983 certainly were.

Or at least they were if they had any sense. For it was the month in which the migration of the ARPANET to TCP/IP was officially completed. A move which, as I'm sure you know, is often considered the birth of the true internet.

And, as everyone, no doubt, grasped at the time, it meant that, at last, mankind's long-cherished dream that Steve Does Comics could be created could come true.

Even more relieved were the crash test dummies of this nation, as January 1983 was the precise moment seatbelt use for drivers and front-seat passengers became mandatory in the UK. Contrary to predictions at the time, the death toll since, from people steering their cars into rivers and drowning because they couldn't get their seatbelts off, didn't subsequently skyrocket.

But what did skyrocket were sales of Renee and Renato's Save Your Love, the track which began the month at Number One on the British singles chart.

Soon, though, those musical titans were deposed by Phil Collins and You Can't Hurry Love who, in turn, had to make way for the power of Men at Work's Down Under. That final track ending the month in top spot.

 

Over on the UK album chart, The John Lennon Collection held sway, initially, before being dethroned by Raiders of the Pop Charts which then made way for Business as Usual by Men at Work.

I've no idea what Raiders of the Pop Charts was and have no intention of trying to find out.

But I've a horrible feeling it was probably a compilation LP featuring the likes of Tight Fit's The Lion Sleeps Tonight.

If that was the case, then, clearly, we needed, more than ever, to seek escape in the pages of the galaxy's greatest comic.

As always, we were being treated to Robo-Hunter, Tharg's Time Twisters, Judge Dredd, Harry Twenty on the High Rock and Rogue Trooper.

We also had Alan Moore's Abelard Snazz, and celebrated the book's 300th prog with a free badge for every reader and, it seems, the chance to lay hands on a copy of Prog 1.

As though that weren't enough, we could know, at last, what day it was, thanks to Tharg's multi-part 1983 calendar.

And the very next issue saw the mag thrillingly jump on the disco bandwagon.

In 1983.

February 18th, 1981 - Marvel UK, 40 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon.

***

There comes a time in every man's life when he must revisit the scene of a tragedy.

Today is that day because it was forty years ago this week that Joe Dolce hit the Number One spot on the UK singles chart, thanks to his record Shaddup You Face.

This, of course, means I'm legally obliged to mention that it kept Ultravox's Vienna from the top of the chart, a feat it replicated for week after week after week, plunging a whole generation into despair at the iniquity of the world.

If a whole generation - and Midge Ure - were devastated, there was no such disappointment for Phil Collins. His album Face Value ascended to supremacy on the British album chart, even as all that was going on.

Just as I shall now smoothly ascend down this page to see what our fave UK books were up to, there and then.

Common sense might lead one to assume this issue features the Thor vs Hulk battle I recently covered in the Hulk's US mag.

But it isn't. It's a reprint of the venerable Lee/Kirby Thor/Hulk battle that's supposed to have taken place, offscreen, during a very early Avengers tale.

Needless to say, that battle proved as inconclusive as all the others.

I believe we also get the start of the Spidey story in which a gang of crooks seeks to kidnap the publisher of The Globe.

Perhaps more significantly, it's also, as far as I'm aware, the tale which gives us our first encounter with Madame Webb.

The Mad Thinker's become aware of the existence of ROM and decided that, because he's clearly an android, that means he must be made to serve the villain.

Meanwhile, in space, the Enterprise is under attack from a Klingon vessel. And it can't retaliate because Mr Spock's a prisoner in that very vehicle.

The Micronauts are up to something or other that involves SHIELD.

And lucky Adam Warlock gets to meet presidential candidate Rex Carpenter. But that's overshadowed by the need to stop Apollo who's sabotaging a rocket launch, thanks to his flying submarine.

Ms Marvel and her new costume make the front cover, as the Kree-powered clobberer comes up against a bunch of reptile people.

The Watcher's still asking us what would have happened if Sue Storm had married the Sub-Mariner.

Elsewhere, Spider-Man and Luke Cage are about to tackle the Rat-Pack after that gang's evil attack on a disco.

But not before Cage has to rescue the unconscious wallcrawler from a fire caused by those dastardly dunderheads.

I don't have a clue what Captain Universe is up to.

Hooray! Tactical genius Devil Dinosaur sees-off the space aliens who've invaded his prehistoric kingdom, by setting a bunch of giant ants on them.

In the not-quite-as-distant past, Conan's still in what's now Africa and about to come up against a pig demon in that Roy Thomas written tale which manages to mention skin colour in almost every panel.

Dr Strange and Nighthawk discover the thief who's been plaguing Kyle Richmond's research facility is none other than Death-Stalker who they both seem to recognise on sight.

Have either of them met him before? Up until now, I'd always assumed only Daredevil had ever encountered him and that the villain's existence wasn't exactly publicised.

Elsewhere, Warriors of the Shadow Realm gives us more pixie adventure.

And, finally, Thor and Ulik unite to tackle the gigantic being from another realm, known only as Trogg.

Forty years ago today - February 1981.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

It is time to smash, face first, into 1981 and the comics which bore the cover date of February for that year.

The Avengers get called to a mysterious island, by an SOS, only to discover, upon arrival, that the sender's one of the Yellow Claw's fiancées and that he's not overly bothered over whether she stays or leaves, because he's got plenty more where she came from.

Not for the first time, the brawling barbarian finds himself battling the illusion-creating power of a sorcerer.

Possibly, for the first time, he finds himself up against a homicidal rug.

I do believe Yag-kosha, the pachydermal humanoid from Tower of the Elephant, puts in a guest appearance, if only in illusory form.

Cap's still in England and still trying to thwart Baron Blood's latest scheme.

Fortunately, he has the new Union Jack to help him - plus a new-found willingness to chop people's heads off.

A group of space parasites is, somehow, unleashed upon the Earth and starts transforming people and animals, in all sorts of strange ways.

Fortunately, the Fantastic Four are there to deal with them.

Or are they? One can't help but notice Sue's acting very oddly, all of a sudden...

The Hulk finds himself in Israel and up against that nation's greatest super-heroine when she decides he must be in league with terrorists.

I can't help feeling I've said this all before. I can't imagine where...

Iron Man's out to explore Roxxon's mystery satellite and, there, encounters the not-at-all-duffly named Sunturion who's determined to protect and defend the satellite at all costs.

This newcomer isn't actively malevolent but is, clearly, going to get a load of people killed if he doesn't sort himself out.

Peter Parker meets the new girl across the hallway who he instantly decides he likes way better than Debbie Whitman.

Needless to say, that doesn't stop him still dating Debbie while wishing, all the time, that he was with the other girl.

You can start to see why the other kids in high school didn't like him.

Meanwhile, the Wizard's out to get Spidey, for reasons I can't remember.

But who is his mysterious accomplice?

And why, at no point, are we allowed to see his face?

It's Spides to the rescue when Peter Parker and Debbie Whitman are kidnapped by Mysterio and his phony aliens who're eager to get their mitts on the vast fortune they think is hidden within Aunt May's old house.

Yet again, I can't help feeling I've said this all before...

If I remember right, the Wrecker breaks the rest of the Wrecking Crew out of jail, so they can help him in his plot to gain vengeance upon Thor.

That's the plan, anyway.

What really happens is Thor shows up and flattens the lot of them.

Kitty Pryde's travelled to the past to prevent the future in which the Sentinels have taken over America and killed all its super-beings - even the ones whose comics sell well.

This leads to a clash with the New Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, led by Mystique.

But has Kitty done enough to prevent that future from happening?

And where does this all leave John Connor?

February 11th, 1981 - Marvel UK, 40 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

 ***

Little that happened in this week in 1981 inherently warrants mention within the pages of this blog. I shall, therefore, launch straight into my look at what Marvel UK's weekly offerings were up to at the time.

Spider-Man's battling against Mysterio and his phony aliens who've kidnapped Debra Whitman in an attempt to locate the treasure hidden in May Parker's old house.

And our hero's using the master of illusion's own devices against him!

The Hulk arrives in Israel and quickly finds himself enmeshed in that land's political turmoil when Sabra, Israel's greatest super-heroine, decides he's a terrorist.

Needless to say, after a suitable punch-up, the Hulk gives her a good lecture about what's right and wrong.

Meanwhile, I do believe Daredevil's telling that reporter all about his backstory.

And She-Hulk appears to still be getting mixed-up in the Man-Wolf's adventures.

This issue, the Watcher asks what would have happened if Sue Storm had married the Sub-Mariner.

It would have ended in tragedy. I've no doubt about it.

Spider-Man teams up with Power-Man, of the Luke Cage variety.

But, first, he has to escape a burning building.

It would appear we also get action from Captain Universe, though the arrangement of the cover's blurbs does manage to make it look like Sue marries both Namor and Captain Universe at the same time.

I can't help feeling that really would end in trouble.

Yegads! The haunted house Captain Kirk and his crew encountered, last week, has turned out to be nothing but a ruse by the Klingons to capture the Enterprise and study its fancy new engines. Is there no underhand - and highly unlikely - trick the Klingons won't stoop to?

No, there isn't.

In other news, ROM and his friends are flying around in space, having to deal with a killer plague spread by the Dire Wraiths.

While, on Earth, the Micronauts may be about to encounter SHIELD.

And, on Counter-Earth, Warlock finds himself meeting the submersible power of Apollo and his tentacles of doom.

Conan spends his night in a haunted temple.

So do a bunch of other people.

Conan leaves them to get slaughtered.

He's no mug.

Thor's still battling Ulik, as they struggle to get their hands on something or other that'll, somehow, help our hero find the missing Odin.

When one of Kyle Richmond's employees is murdered in a locked room that he's alone in, Kyle puts on his Nighthawk gear and recruits Dr Strange to investigate.

From that cover, I'm assuming the culprit's Death-Stalker and not the demons we're initially led to expect.

Warriors of the Shadow Realm is giving us yet more elf adventure.

And Devil Dinosaur's still fighting to rid his prehistoric world of the aliens who've showed up with nothing but trouble in mind.

The Marvel Lucky Bag - February 1981.

 Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon.

***

February 1981 was something of a desert for movie releases but it did, at least, see the release of Fort Apache, the Bronx which is a film I don't think I've ever seen, despite its fame.

However, Wikipedia informs me it was the inspiration for Hill Street Blues, which is clearly a good thing.

The other movie notable, that month, was Sphinx.

Sadly, that seems to have been notable for all the wrong reasons, with critics having derided the Lesley-Anne Down, Frank Langella and John Gielgud packed archaeology thriller.

Moon Knight's up against The Committee who might sound like they should be running a northern working men's club but are serious wrong-doers, as proven by the fact they first showed up in Werewolf by Night.

And, indeed, that werewolf who is by night makes a cameo appearance here, by virtue of a flashback.

I don't really know much, when it comes to this issue's contents but it features Nick Fury, SHIELD, Hydra and the return of Baron Karza. So, who would dare ignore it?

Not me. That's why it's included here.

Plus, Daredevil takes on Johnny Punk in this month's Hostess fruit pie ad!

Here's a cover which makes appealing use of white space.

And, speaking of space, the Defenders aren't going there.

Instead, they must scour the globe, in order to find three missing pieces of Eternity.

How convenient it is that they're all on Earth, meaning the gang don't have to travel very far.

Odin bans Thor from marrying Jane Foster - again. So, Thor does the reasonable thing, rounds up the Avengers and sets out to invade Asgard.

This leads to Odin putting Loki in charge of the realm's military and, once all the fighting's done, Thor and Odin spend the rest of their lives feeling miserable.

I've no news of Loki's emotional state.

Meanwhile, in the back-up strip, the Watcher reveals the origin of the Eternals and their legendary Uni-Mind.

Still aiming to wow the American comic-reading masses, the Doctor confronts the menace of the Iron Legion, while the back-up strip discovers K-9 engaged in thrilling solo action.

By the looks of it, the Hulk's off to the circus. And, for once, it doesn't seem to be the Circus of Crime.

Dominic Fortune also has a story in this issue. It's called Slay Bells. Whether that indicates it's a Christmas story, I could not say.

Fifty years ago this month - February 1971.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon.

*** 

Who mourns for Adonais? Forget that. Who mourns for Tommy Steele? For, February 1971 was a terrible month for the toothsome tune dispenser.

It was the moment at which his movie Half a Sixpence, merely four years old, no longer made any sense.

That's because it was the month in which the UK and Ireland switched to decimal currency, leading to howls of protest from pensioners, across both realms, that they couldn't understand a new monetary system which required the ability to divide by ten rather than twelve.

Speaking personally, I've never got over it and still insist on buying all my goods by the groatload.

And, up in space, things were just as fancy and modern, thanks to it being the month in which Apollo 14 landed on the moon.

Also flying high was Evel Knievel who managed to set a world record by jumping over 19 cars in Ontario, California.

Flying noticeably lower was legendary icon of Britishness Rolls Royce which went bankrupt and was promptly nationalised.

Stone-Face makes his dynamic debut, as Cap and the Falcon decide to take him down for whatever it is he's been up to.

Come to think of it, I'm not sure just what it is he has been up to.

Probably trying to start a race war and take over Harlem. That's my guess.

"He's back! More dangerous than ever!" declares the cover of Amazing Spider-Man #93 but the genius of Stan Lee and John Romita is that, once inside the mag, they make no attempt to convince us the Prowler's at all dangerous.

The tooled-up window cleaner's merely an annoyance, slowing Spidey down as he tries to reach Gwen before she leaves the country.

So outclassed is the Prowler that, in the end, Spider-Man doesn't get to her in time purely because he must rush his opponent to hospital after almost accidentally killing him.

After escaping the world of Arkon, a group of Avengers find themselves in an alternate world where they have to help the Squadron Supreme defeat an evil child genius with a huge head.

The early days of Barry Smith's Conan continue as he confronts the Grim Grey God.

It's intriguing see, "grey," being spelt British style but I must confess to recalling nothing of the story itself.

I must have read this in the Mighty World of Marvel but, if I did, I don't remember when.

Nor do I recall anything that happens in it.

Sadly, John Romita's stint on the strip's now ended.

Happily, John Buscema's has started!

This is a good thing, as I always dug the way he drew the Thing's pebbles.

But, forget pebbles. It's Ben's marbles Reed needs to worry about, as it's quickly becoming clear his attempt to cure the Thing has turned the man evil.

Again.

Upon Bruce Banner's return to New York, the Hulk must overcome both Xeron and the space beast Klaatu, a monster as big as the Empire State Building!

Not only that but the Abomination's back!

This one's not ringing any bells for me.

But, clearly, the Spymaster's involved.

Hold onto your hats, Asgardophiles, because Thor finds himself facing an evil version of Odin.

It has to be said, given the trouble Odin causes at the best of times, I'm not sure an evil version of him's any bigger a threat to the universe than the normal one is.

The X-Men invade the Sentinels' underground lair and promptly get themselves captured.

This leads the Sentinels' leader Master Mold to decide it's time for his giant robots to conquer the world!

"Well, that was all lovely for Marvel," I hear you cry, "but what was DC up to?"

Because you the Reader demanded it, here's a quick look at some of the more intriguing stuff the company was unleashing at the same time.

That's a dramatic cover by Neal Adams.

Sadly, I can't say whether the interior's as dramatic but I do know Batman's up against the Asylum of the Futurians.

Although, to be frank, I don't have a clue who the Futurians are or why they need an asylum.

And it's another dramatic Adams cover, as Robin appears to have met his maker.

Not only that but the interior art's by Nefarious Neal as well.

I suspect that, this time out, the caped crusader's up against a haunted house - and he doesn't even have the Scooby-Doo Gang to help him!

Also inside, Batgirl tangles with a phantom bullfighter.

I don't know if the comic's any good but that's one magnificent cover for a title I've never heard of.

It would appear to be the handiwork of Tony DeZuniga who also inked the lead story, a Ric Estrada pencilled tale of a woman who gives up her feminist beliefs, to aid the career development of her boyfriend.

I have no doubt at all that she'll live to regret such reckless foolishness.