It's time for me to lay my dirty stinking paws on my keyboard and remind us all - with the escape of the Rise of the Planet of the Apes movie - that, when it comes to simian antics, there was once something far better than any mere film.
There was a comic.
That comic was Marvel UK's Planet of the Apes.
Planet of the Apes Weekly kicked off with the beautifully painted cover to the left, Part 1 of an adaptation of the original Charlton Heston Apes movie, and a poster that at this very moment sits just two feet away from me, rolled up in a tube.
Happily, I remember more about the Planet of the Apes' title strip than that of the Star Wars comic I blathered on about the other day. I recall that, after the Charlton Heston Apes adaptation, we were given a beautifully rendered Mike Ploog series about two characters who may have been called Jason and Alexander. As that serial went along, it drifted a little too far from the feel of the original movies for my liking but at least it always looked great.
Apeslayer and his remarkable resemblance to Killraven. I also recall a Tom Sutton series set on a giant ship - and an ape-tastic reworking of Mark Twain's A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court.
But the truth is such stories paled besides the back-up strips.
They kicked off in issue #2 with a Ka-Zar series that started off unpromisingly with a Jack Kirby adventure involving Kraven, before taking flight with a classic bunch of Barry Smith reprints that introduced Zaladane and Garokk the Petrified Man. Those early days also brought us Gullivar Jones on Mars while we later got Gil Kane and Roy Thomas' Warlock, the start of Marvel's Captain Marvel, the seemingly obligatory Man-Gods from Beyond the Stars and yet more Ka-Zar. There were also the delights of War Toy, Day of the Triffids and Farewell to the Master.
Arguably most impressive of all, we got the whole of Don McGregor's Panther's Rage, as the Black Panther tried to thwart a would-be revolution in his kingdom of Wakanda. We also got Mike Ploog's Man-Thing.
Dracula Lives before merging with The Mighty World of Marvel. It was an uneasy fit; Planet of the Apes stories in a comic otherwise devoted to the likes of the Hulk and Daredevil.
Still, at least - as far as I remember it - the stint in Mighty World of Marvel gave the Powers-That-Be the chance to run the adaptation of Battle for the Planet of the Apes, meaning the whole Ape cycle was completed before the strip disappeared from the UK forever.
And so the reign of the apes had proven to be as doomed as the reign of man before it.
But at least it was fun while it lasted, and through it I learned the meaning of the word "lobotomy." Now it's time for me to grab my mute girlfriend, climb on my horse and set off into the Forbidden Zone of watching Sunday night TV.
What will I find there?
Either that or the millionth series of John Craven's Countryfile; whichever is most likely to make me fall to my knees, punching the sand in despair at the mad folly of the human race.
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