Speak Your Brain! Part 92.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Image by Tumisu
from Pixabay

What is that vile fiend I see through my window?

It's snow!

But is this a temporary abomination or is more of it on the way?

I've no idea.

But  perhaps that is good news, for there's nothing like uncertainty to warm the blood.

And uncertainty is what we have aplenty, as we're blessed by the return of the feature whose destiny none can know.

It's the one in which the first person to comment gets to decide just what the subject for debate shall be. Therefore, whatever it is you wish to state, enquire or query, type it below and we'll see just where that process takes us.

2000 AD - October 1986. Plus a vital message from the editor!

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Before we begin today's breathless look at what Tharg and his gang were once up to, I have to make a pulse-pounding pronouncement that's bound to rock the world.

I'm sure you're not oblivious to the fact we've reached the 50th anniversary of the launch of Atlas/Seaboard Comics, the company that dared to take on the big boys and fail. Because of that and the fact I get the feeling we've entered an era of 2000 AD which none of us were actually reading, I'm planning for this to be the last time I look at the monthly doings of 2000 AD and that I'll replace the feature with one in which I'll, instead, look back at what Atlas/Seaboard was up to 50 years ago each month.

If people would rather I continue with the 2000 AD summaries instead, then I shall persist with them but, otherwise, I shall switch to doing the Atlas roundups.

That's what you're likely to find on this site, next month, but what was on in your local cinema in October 1986?

Children of a Lesser God, The Color of Money, Jumpin' Jack Flash, Peggy Sue Got Married, Soul Man and The Mission were what was on in your local cinema.

I must confess to never having seen any of them and can, therefore, pass no judgement upon their relative merits.

When it came to the UK singles chart, however, the month launched with Madonna's True Blue holding sway before being rudely toppled by the musical legend that was Nick Berry and his perma-popular dirge Every Loser Wins.

 
The associated album chart, however, saw no change at all in that spell, with Paul Simon's Graceland sitting prettiest of them all for the entire duration of October.

And what of that aforementioned comic? 

It was still giving us Strontium Dog, Sooner or Later, Tharg's Future-Shocks, Sláine, Judge Dredd, Ace Trucking Co and Metalzoic. I do believe that, in one of the issues, Judge Dredd finds himself up against the menace of a 50 Foot Woman.

I'm assuming that's a woman who's fifty foot tall. Not a woman who possesses fifty feet. I'm not sure anyone needs to possess fifty feet. Especially if they've only got two legs to attach them to.

November 16th, 1974 - Marvel UK, 50 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Clowns to the left of me? Jokers to the right?

Well, this week in 1974, one of those clowns was stood right in front of you, serving you burgers because it was the week in which McDonald's opened its first UK restaurant, in London's Woolwich neighbourhood.

Granted, I've no evidence that Ronald McDonald was, himself, actually serving customers in that venue but I shall assume he was, for purposes of having a memorable opening to this post.

Elsewhere, the radio telescope at the Arecibo Observatory, Puerto Rico, was busy beaming an interstellar message at Messier 13 in the constellation of Hercules. For those breathlessly awaiting news as to whether it received a reply, that message won't reach its destination until sometime around the year 27,000 AD. So, don't build up your hopes.

That signal may have been aimed at a star but, on that week's UK singles chart, twinkly-eyed heartthrob David Essex was boasting he was gonna make you a star.

It's true. That very week, his song of that title hit the toppermost of the poppermost to give him his first British Number One.

While, over on the corresponding album chart, the Bay City Rollers were still riding higher than anyone, thanks to their LP Rollin'.

I'm impressed by how the Lizard always has a lab coat on, even in stories where Curt Connors is nowhere near a lab when he transforms into him.

Of course, in this story, he was near a lab when he transformed. Therefore, he does have an excuse.

But things are looking grim for Iron Man.

As if it's not bad enough for him that he's been captured by the Mandarin, he now has to endure the ring-happy windbag recounting a self-regarding and unlikely life story which incorporates everything from communist revolutions to dragons from outer space.

To finish off the issue, Thor wins his battle with the Super-Skrull.

But other matters are afoot when Odin sends Sif and Balder to find the three Evil Enchanters.

Roy Thomas' unique brand of social satire hits its peak when the Hulk finds himself entangled in the up-to-the-minute world of Radical Chic.

It's that one in which the verdant violence generator finds himself at a party in New York and, somehow, ends up having to fight the Valkyrie who's inhabiting the body of a young women's libber.

And, of course, Tom Wolfe turns up.

After that, if I'm not mistaken, Daredevil takes a flight to jollie olde Englande where Ka-Zar's been charged with murder.

Can it be true? Can the jungle lord really have turned into a bounder?

Or is his caddish brother behind it all?

And Daredevil's not the only one dropping in on foreign climes, because, upon accepting an invitation to visit a mysterious African kingdom, the Fantastic Four find themselves attacked by a man known only as the Black Panther!

I do believe I spot an Iron Fist cover that's been repurposed into a Shang-Chi one.

Inside, our issue begins with Quickliver and the Scarlet Witch falling into a trap set by Magneto who wants to re-enlist them into his battle against humanity.

That is, of course, an Avengers tale.

"Quickliver," was a typo but I like it. Therefore, I'm keeping it.

Next, Dr Strange teams up with Victoria Bentley in an attempt to find out where Clea is and rescue her from whatever fate it is she's enduring.

And, finally, Shang-Chi and Sandra Chen are on a flight when they're attacked by a whole planeful of assassins.

Needless to say, those assassins go the same way as do all assassins foolish enough to attack the master of kung fu.

I should point out, at this juncture, that I've recently become aware that, "kung fu," simply means any pastime which requires patience and skill to master. Which means Marvel could literally have launched a comic about a man who does nothing but flower arranging, every issue, and got away with calling it Master of Kung Fu.

Drac's back with a modified version of an old Neal Adams cover.

Inside, I do believe Frank Drake's still having problems with his vampiric girlfriend wanting to kill him. However, I suspect he quickly turns the tables on her.

Elsewhere, I suspect Jack Russell's hairy alter-ego's having problems with a bloke who's trying to strangle him to death for reasons I can't recall.

To be honest, I'm not sure I want to read the adventures of a werewolf who can be strangled to death by normal people. I do like my werewolves to have at least a modicum of super-strength.

And Frankenstein's Monster's in a romantic mood, as he forces his creator to build a mate for him.

However, as I'm sure you'd expect, it doesn't end happily for her.

I'm sure all music lovers remember Randy Hanzlick's classic song I'd Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy.

Sadly, our hero's going to have to settle for the second of those options.

That is, unless he can escape captivity.

And he does.

And has a run around Ape City.

And is then recaptured.

In his strip, Ka-zar's getting to know the Petrified Man better, as he and he travel to the Savage land where a woman called Zaladane heads a cult devoted to the stone-faced sailor and is inciting her followers to wage war on other tribes in that realm.

Gullivar Jones, though, is still on Mars, now drawn by Ross Andru and having to contend with a giant red water-monster reptile thing.

The Marvel Lucky Bag - November 1984.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Hither, let us enter the cinemas of November 1984 and discover just what we can find inside them.

As we blunder along the corridors, amongst our findings are such well-known flicks as The Killing Fields, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Night of the Comet, Supergirl and, erm, Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure.

I will bravely speak out and declare Night of the Comet to be my favourite of those films and I don't care if it was The Killing Fields that won all the awards.

The Avengers get their 13th annual but will it be unlucky for some? 

Sadly, I can't say, as I don't think I've ever read this tale, even though that cover looks highly familiar to me.

Anyway, it all seems to involve Hulk-Related shenanigans caused by the Fixer and Arnim Zola.

I can't shake off the feeling I've covered this comic before, somewhere, even though I can't work out just when and where that would have happened.

It's what we've all been praying for, when Kitty Pryde and Wolverine get a whole new book dedicated to them and them alone.

As far as I'm aware, Kitty goes to Japan to rescue her father from someone or other  - only to discover he's mixed up in dodgy doings with Japanese criminals!

I get a feeling this may prompt Wolvie to get involved.

Marvel's biggest project yet hits its seventh instalment, and does so by introducing us to the new Spider-Woman.

Meanwhile, the Wrecker and his allies show up and throw the body of the dead Wasp at our heroes.

And Dr Doom is sneaking around in Galactus' ship while She-Hulk is sneaking around in Dr Doom's base.

It's Annual Number Three for Rom who celebrates the occasion by saving a children's daycare centre from young Dire Wraiths.

Meanwhile, one of the Dire Wraiths is planning on marrying someone called Brandy who seems to be the woman on the left, on that cover.

Aunt May's criminal past catches up with her when she starts to receive love letters from an old flame.

And that's not all because that tale's followed by an adventure in which the Black Cat goes to great lengths to retrieve a wine carafe Spider-Man gave to her.

I know. Dramatic stuff indeed.

A brand new comic appears - and, almost inevitably, the cover's by Bill Sienkiewicz.

Other than that this strip stars someone called the Starriors, I know nothing of it but, apparently, it features characters called Hotshot, Crank, Cut-Up, Runabout, Nipper, Tinker, Thinktank and Motormouth.

From those names - and from that cover - I'm going to assume they're all robots.

And that they're from outer space.

My vast intellect tells me this may be an adaptation of the film of the same name.

If so, that can only mean our favourite puppets arrive in New York City, hoping to get their college show performed on Broadway.

They soon, however, discover the Big Apple is no paradise and, by the tale's end, they are all lying dead in a pool of their own blood.

The Epic imprint presents us with a brand new experience in life when something or other happens.

I don't know what it is but I know it's brought to us by Steve Gerber and Val Mayerik.

This gives me some grounds for some optimism.

It's a double-sized issue.

And that can only mean we're getting double-sized entertainment.

The New Mutant girls are certainly hoping so. They are, after all, hosting a slumber party with their friends from Salem Centre. And I can tell you there's nothing I'd rather see in a super-hero comic than slumber parties.

Meanwhile, Warlock destroys Asteroid M, causing a series of events which lead to him being invited to join Professor X's school.

I must confess to not having the slightest idea what happens in this one.

But Tom DeFalco, Herb Trimpe and Barry Smith are still on board.

Like the Avengers, the Hulk's also landed himself a thirteenth annual.

My knowledge of this one is slight but I do know our hero's on an alien world where he meets and befriends a strange symbiotic being.

And that the Puffball Collective is involved.

Forty years ago today - November 1984.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Let us, once more, visit the past and see what secrets and wonders it contains.

Things are about to start getting serious, with Surtur and his legions all set to invade the planet Earth.

Or, at least, New York City which, in the Marvel Universe, is practically the same thing.

Still, at least there's time for Odin to tell Thor all about the time he and his brothers first encountered the giant fire demon, in days long gone.

But what's this? Roger's starting to get suspicious that Lorelei might not be the ordinary, everyday gal she claims to be?

Reed Richards' dad's time machine takes the gang back to the days of the Wild West.

Or does it?

How come there's hi-tech all over the place?

And just what do the locals know of Reed's missing father?

You know?

The scientific genius?

The one who was an expert at creating hi-tech?

And went missing after using his time machine to travel to the Wild West?

I remember this issue as being one long, non-stop fight, as Storm and Rogue must stave off the Dire Wraiths' siege of Forge's apartment - even though Storm no longer has her mutant powers and no one can be sure anyone is who they claim to be!

The reanimated cyborg corpse that is Silvermane is still on the rampage and still determined to reclaim a fragment of his missing soul from Dagger.

And it appears nothing can stop him. Not even Cloak, Dagger, Spidey, the Kingpin, the Answer and the Black Cat all working together!

But does, as it seems, the attempt cause the death of the Answer?

You have to hope so. He's quite annoying.

Thanks to Dr Strange, the green one finds himself on a baffling planet from which he can enter other worlds. Any one of which may prove a suitable home for him.

One of those worlds is a land inhabited by a giant child who views him as a doll for her to play with.

Needless to say, that's never going to provide him with the level of violence he's looking for.

And, so, he sets off to find an environment more suited to his unique temperament.

The aged Steve Rogers is still battling it out with the aged Red Skull who's eagerly looking forward to both their deaths.

But there may be a fate in store for the villain that's even worse than extinction because Baron Zemo and Mother Superior are not at all pleased with him, while the Falcon and Nomad have escaped the prison he put them in and are looking to introduce his jaw to their all-American fists.

It's a mighty and sensational crossover with Thor's book because, while the thunder god's own mag only tells us about Surtur's invasion of New York, this month's Avengers actually shows it!

It's true. The son of Odin unites with the Avengers and Fantastic Four to try and stop the big red thug and his big bad army from causing nothing but trouble wherever they go.

And I've got a feeling that might not be all. Because I do suspect that Beta Ray Bill may be about to make his senses-shattering comeback!

Daredevil and the Kingpin team up to bring down Micah Synn.

I'm not totally sure why Kingie needs Daredevil's help for that but there you go.

Meanwhile, Foggy Nelson is falling apart even faster than his relationship with Deborah Harris is.

It's a lesson for us all, as Conan takes under his wing, a clueless youth who tried to kill him in a failed revenge bid.

Together, the mismatched pair set off in search of a magic sword but - shock horror - the youth betrays him, the first chance he gets.

Needless to say, Conan doesn't waste any time in punishing him for that betrayal.

Thanks to a visit to the Baxter Building, Spidey finally discovers his costume from outer space is a living creature and not an item of apparel.

With Reed Richards' help he manages to get it off him. But that's not the end of his problems, as he still has to come to terms with Mary Jane knowing his secret identity and with having to allay the jealousy of the Black Cat.

And then there's the fact the Hobgoblin's decided to join forces with the Rose.

The Brothers Grimm make an unlikely return when Barton and Percival Grimes discover the villains' abandoned costumes and decide to use them to get rich and avenge themselves upon a local restaurant owner who once did something to annoy them.

Needless to say, Iron Man's on hand to tackle them.

Needless to say, because he's Rhodey and still hasn't got round to actually learning how to use the armour, he makes more of a meal of it than he should, and Tony Stark has to sort it out by the imaginative method of calling the police to deal with the wrongdoers.

November 9th, 1974 - Marvel UK, 50 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

This week was a bad one for all fans of Freddie Mercury lookalikes but a great one for editors of unprincipled tabloid newspapers because it was the week in which British peer Lord Lucan disappeared, following the murder of his children's nanny, launching a veritable industry of conspiracy theories, speculation, conjecture and outright lies.

Over on the UK singles chart, Ken Boothe wasn't going anywhere, thanks to his Number One hit Everything I Own.

And there was also no change atop the corresponding album chart, with the Bay City Rollers still dominant, thanks to their LP Rollin'.

I find Everything I Own inoffensive enough but these are the tracks I most approved of on that week's singles chart:

Gonna Make You a Star - David Essex

Killer Queen - Queen

Far Far Away - Slade

Magic - Pilot

Junior's Farm - Paul McCartney and Wings

Annie's Song - John Denver

Whatever Gets You Thru the Night - John Lennon with the Plastic Ono Nuclear Band

and

How Long? - Ace.

Should you wish to investigate the matter further, that singles chart can be found here.

While the album chart dwells within.

Dr Strange makes the cover, thanks to Dan Adkins but I do believe our first story of the issue is a Master of Kung Fu one.

It's true. Shang-Chi is back from his Iron Fist induced hiatus and, to celebrate, he breaks the habit of a lifetime by going for a stroll and being attacked by assassins.

But at least he doesn't have to fight them alone. This time, he's bumped into a woman called Sandra Chen - and it turns out she's a whizz at kung fu as well.

I do believe Stephen Strange is still in the Ancient One's dream and still having to battle the mind-bending menace of Nightmare.

And the Avengers are about to have a run-in with Magneto and the Toad who, thanks to the scientific experiments of a man called Dane Whitman, manage to return to Earth from the asteroid the Stranger left them on.

Can Whitman stop them?

And how does this involve his uncle, a flying horse and a suit of armour?

Having resurrected Dracula, last week, Frank Drake's returned to London where his vampirised girlfriend turns up in the shower and is very much looking forward to drinking his blood.

Drac, meanwhile, is off somewhere else, trying to disguise himself as a regular, everyday human being.

Jack Russell, meanwhiler, is busy discovering yet more about his family's lycanthropic backstory.

There is then a short strip which recounts the tale of French vampire Viscount de Morieve.

And we end with the story of how Frankenstein's Monster befriended a blind man and how it all went wrong when the man's family showed up and saw him with a monster.

What is this madness? Doc Samson gets himself fully powered up and decides to make time with Bruce Banner's girl?

Bruce, of course, doesn't like that, and he responds by un-curing himself of being the Hulk and setting off to battle his Freud-fixated foe.

But how can he possibly defeat someone who's as strong as he is and almost twice as smart?

Elsewhere, the man without fear has been teleported to Europe where he must fight the Gladiator to amuse the assembled dignitaries of the Maggia. It all comes to a head when a lion gets into the arena and DD must save his opponent from a good chewing.

Next, Mr Fantastic must find a way to survive when he and an imitation Thing are stuck in the Negative Zone and being sucked towards an anti-matter planet.

And we finish with a two-page short in which Marie Severin tell us how to be a Marvel artist.

Everyone's favourite astronaut finds himself trapped in a cage and unable to prove to the locals that he can speak.

And it doesn't help that Dr Zaius insists on hiding the evidence.

Gullivar Jones, meanwhile, finds himself on the River of the Dead.

And Ka-Zar manages to overcome the challenge of Kraven.

But no sooner has he done so than he comes face-to-face with a visitor who insists on calling himself the Petrified Man.

In fairness, if I saw a sabre-toothed tiger coming towards me, I'd be quite petrified too.

It's a classic cover.

And a classic warning to us all, as Silvermane discovers that eternal youth comes at a price.

And that price is death!

Also, the Lizard is back.

Elsewhere, Tony Stark manages to convince everyone he's still alive.

But, then, the Mandarin blows up his factory!

Well, Stark's not going to put up with that sort of Manchurian malarkey. So, he flies over to China to confront the villain.

Only to get clobbered by a giant robot.

And it's the tale we all thought we'd never see, as Thor takes on the Super-Skrull.

Having said that, I'm trying to remember, didn't he also tackle the Super-Skrull at the wedding of Reed and Sue?

The Marvel Lucky Bag - November 1974.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

It is time, once more, for us to enter the cinemas of 1974 and discover just what lies in wait for us, therewithin.

Therewithin, we encounter Blood for Dracula, Confessions of a Window Cleaner, The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams, Earthquake, The Tamarind Seed and The Land that Time Forgot.

A cynic may argue it's a "unique" kind of month when The Land that Time Forgot is the pick of the crop but, then, even the maddest of fools knows The Land that Time Forgot would be the pick of the crop in almost any month in human history.

The Celestial Madonna saga rumbles on, with the death of the Swordsman and other, no doubt, shocking unfoldings. All brought to us by the sturdy pencil of Dave Cockrum.

But that's not all - because this issue also contains a reprint of the Fantastic Four's first-ever encounter with Rama-Tut. The one in which they go back in time to Ancient Egypt, seeking a cure for Alicia's blindness -  only to discover the land is ruled by Kang the Conqueror's earlier incarnation.

The most startling swamp creature of all is back. And back in a tale I don't think I've ever read and have no knowledge of.

Still, I can at least say that's a dramatic cover, if nothing else.

I'm led to believe, by the internet, that Dracula pursues a magic statue and this causes him to be captured by an unknown opponent.

And that, dear Reader, is why I never pursue magic statues.

Gabriel the exorcist makes Bob Larkin's front cover. But what occurs inside?

Mostly, we get Satana stories titled This Side of Hell and Doorway to Dark Destiny.

There's also a chiller called Fright Pattern, starring a woman called Mary Jane. I'm going to assume it's not that Mary Jane.

And, of course, we close with Gabriel in To Worship the Damned. 

Panther's Rage takes another step forward when T'Challa infiltrates Killmonger's lair but is knocked out cold by Sombre who dumps him in the snow-filled Land of Chilling Mists, on the assumption he'll be killed by passing wolves.

Needless to say, he won't be.

We also get a two-page map of Wakanda, overlaid with images from the serial so far. That means we can now know exactly where each story's taken place, should anyone ever ask us.

It's the clash that had to happen, as Kraven decides it's about time he got to beat up a werewolf.

I assume he fails in the task, although I've no doubt at all that he'd easily vanquish Werewolf by Night.

It's a very Conanesque tale, as the jungle lord gets to tackle a giant river reptile in a thriller drawn by John Buscema and Alfredo Alcala.

But forget all that. This is what we came here for, as the Giant Superhero Holiday Grab-Bag smashes its way into our lives!

It's not one I ever had but I do know it contains such sights as Spider-Man and the Human Torch in Have Yourself a Sandman Little Christmas!, Daredevil In Mortal Combat With... Sub-Mariner!, the Black Widow in ...And to All a Good Night, and concludes with the Hulk vs the Thing from Fantastic Four #25 & #26.

Drama hits ever-higher levels when the High Overlord sends the Death Breeders after Killraven and his gang.

I think this might be Craig Russell's first issue as artist but don't quote me on that.

There's also a three-page sci-fi reprint from 1956's Journey into Unknown Worlds #47. That reprint is called The Strangers and is brought to us by the potent pencil of Happy Herb Familton.