Have you ever found yourself being chased down a tunnel by a big ball of rock?
If so, June 1981 was a Godsend because you suddenly had the comfort of knowing you weren't alone in the universe.
That's right. It was the month in which movie history was made and Raiders of the Lost Ark hit the big screen.
Never before had archaeology seemed so exciting. And never again would it seem so exciting - not even when watching Channel Four's Time Team dig up yet another rusty Bronze Age pin in a muddy ditch in Shropshire, while Tony Robinson tries to pretend it's a great find.
Come to think of it, the big ball of rock was in the second Indiana Jones film, wasn't it? So you were going to have to wait a couple more years yet before finally encountering a kindred spirit.
Still, if a daring archaeologist could offer you no relief, you could at least take comfort in the adventures of dandy highwaymen because the UK singles chart, that month, kicked off with Adam and the Ants' Stand and Deliver at Number One.
However, that was quickly deposed by Smokey Robinson's Being With You which was, in turn, dislodged by Michael Jackson's One Day in Your Life.
Over on the album chart, Starsound started the month at Number One with Stars on 45 but were soon removed by Motorhead's No Sleep 'til Hammersmith which was then usurped by Various Artists' Disco Daze and Disco Nites. It is hard to think of a bigger contrast than the one between Starsound and Motorhead.
When it came to sport, it was the month in which Shergar won the Epsom Derby and the first ever game of paintball was played, in New Hampshire.
"Well, that's all very well," I hear you cry, "But what of 2000 AD and its sci-fi happenings that I so love to hear about?"
I'm glad you asked.
Well, I'm not really because, as always, I have less of a clue than Jessica Fletcher has when suddenly finding herself in a town where no murders have been committed.
However, this is what I can share.
Clearly determined to give us maximum value for our 15 pence, the Galaxy's Greatest Comic was still feeding us Strontium Dog, Tharg's Future Shocks, The Mean Arena, Judge Dredd, Meltdown Man and Return to Armageddon. It's strange how Marvel UK giving us six strips in each weekly book felt like sacrilege, while 2000 AD doing the same was never a problem. I suppose it's just a question of context.
But it's an exciting day for me because, thanks to Prog 217, we've finally reached a Tharg's Future Shock I actually remember.
I'm pretty sure The Last Rumble of the Platinum Horde is the tale in which an army of Mongols from space set out to destroy everything in their path but fail to take into account that the Universe is round, and end up destroying their own planet, not realising they're back where they started from.
I like to think there's a lesson in there for all of us.
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