The most forgettable comics I've ever owned - Part 23: Quasimodo's Monster Magazine.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

He always claimed it was the bells that drove him mad but I reckon it was editing a magazine.

It's true. In the mid-1970s, the world's most famous resident of Notre Dame had a dramatic career shift and, with the backing of Mayfair Publications, launched his very own journal dedicated to monsters.

Of course, I only know this for one reason.

Dumb luck.

That's because, while researching my Marvel UK post for the first week of April, I accidentally came across the front cover I've reproduced to the top left of this post.

And I recognised it at once.

For, dear reader, I once owned that magazine.

The strange thing, though, is that, up until that moment, I'd totally forgotten I did.

I had, however, remembered reading its articles, which covered such subjects as Space: 1999, the films of Roger Corman and the story of Lon Chaney Junior.

However, I'd been completely wrong about where I'd read them. You see, I'd always recalled having encountered them in the pages of Atlas Seaboard's Movie Monsters mag which lasted just four issues before disappearing.

As it turned out, Quasimodo did a better job of things than whoever'd managed that publication, as his series proved slightly more successful, lasting for at least eight issues before biting the bullet in a run stretching from January 1975 to May 1976

But that wasn't all. Conducting further research led me to discover I also had issue #6, which lent us information about the history of Hammer Studios, Star Trek, cinema's Carradine family and the life and career of Boris Karloff.

How could I have forgotten the existence of these books?

I've no idea.

Especially as, if we played our cards right, we could have won the cover paintings. Although, to be honest, I'm not sure I'd want the one for issue #6 which isn't great.

I must confess it's a bit of a cheat to post this in a slot dedicated to the most forgettable comics I've ever owned, as Quasimodo's Monster Magazine wasn't a comic, although later issues did feature a seeming plethora of comic strips.

But I have nowhere else to put it. So, here it shall reside, remembered, at last, as it deserves to be.

March 24th 1982 - Marvel UK, 40 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

In these times of conflict in Europe, it's always reassuring to know there are certain things that can unite the continent.

One of those is the Eurovision Song Contest.

Granted, it mostly unites Europe in a stampede to award the British entry zero points but, still, that's at least some kind of accord.

And so it was that, on this very night in 1982, BBC One was broadcasting A Song For Europe, the event at which the nation got to choose its entry for that year's competition.

I can exclusively reveal the nation's choice on that evening was Bardo's One Step Closer which bore a more-than-passing resemblance to Manfred Mann's version of Blinded by the Light.

No one, after all, ever accused Eurovision of originality.

Sadly, Bardo were destined not to go on to win the main contest. That was won, as I recall, by German teenager Nicole with her lovely song A Little Peace.

Elsewhere, that week, it was all getting heated in the nation's theatres, as a court case brought by "decency" campaigner Mary Whitehouse, against the National Theatre of Britain for its production The Romans in Britain, ended when the Attorney General dismissed proceedings after it became clear her expert eyewitness had been sat too far away from the stage to have clearly seen the body part he claimed to have seen.

In the South Atlantic, that week, Argentine scrap metal workers raised their national flag on South Georgia in the Falkland Islands and set off a whole heap of trouble.

Over on the UK singles chart, Tight Fit finally lost their Number One spot. They lost it to the equally non-credible Seven Tears by the Goombay Dance Band, a song which bore no resemblance at all to Auld Lang Syne.

On the album chart, Barbra Streisand's Love Songs reclaimed pole position from the Jam's The Gift.

As you've probably guessed from the cover, this issue features the tale in which the Vulture has given up on life until he meets Aunt May's boyfriend whose positivity inspires him to return to a career of crime.

Oops.

We also get to see a selection of the readers' drawings.

And we get the chance to win a fabulous work of art.

I don't have a clue what that work of art is.

I suspect it's not one of the readers' drawings.

We also get to see readers' pencillings in this one. I don't know if they're the same drawings that appear in the Spider-Man book or if they're a totally different set.

I can say, though, that Cap's still battling the robotic horror that is Adonis.

Of Thor and Iron Man, I can say little.

But I do know this book also gives us the chance to win a fabulous work of art.

In a shocking development that will shock no one, information about Scooby-Doo and his TV Friends #5 is hard to find on the internet. Thanks to eagle-eyed reader McScotty, however, the cover has been unearthed. And it's this one.

I can reveal little of the contents, although, it being Scooby-Doo, I suspect we can guess at what they may be like.

And, if that's not enough to keep us happy, we can at least console ourselves with the fact that, this issue, we can win the Worzel Gummidge annual of which we've always dreamt.

Speak Your Brain! Part XXIII. Ventures beyond your comfort zone

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Image by Tumisu
from Pixabay

Free speech reigns supreme, once more, as we re-encounter the feature in which the first person to comment gets to decide the blazing hot topic of the day.

It could be sport, art, films, books, cooks, nooks, rocks, music, mucous, fairy tales, fairy lights, Fairy Liquid, fairy cakes, Eccles cakes, myth, moths, maths, magic, tragedy, comedy, murder, mystery, mayhem, May Day, Christmas Day, New Year's Day, Doris Day, the Equinox, sofas, sodas, sausages, eggs, whisky, broth, Bath, baths, Garth Marenghi, Garth Brooks, Garth Crooks, Bruno Brookes, Bruno Mars, Mars Bars, wine bars, flip-flops, flim-flam, flapjacks, see-saws, jigsaws, dominoes, flowerpots, flour pots, bread bins, bin bags, body bags, body horror, doggy bags, bean bags, cola, pancakes, pizzas, baking soda, sci-fi, Wi-Fi, Hi-Fi, sewage, saunas, suet, Silurians, Sontarans, sins, suns, sans, sense or sandcastles.

Or something else altogether.

That is entirely up to you.

2000 AD - February 1984.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Frankie might say, "Relax," but, in February 1984, members of that band were probably too excited to do so.

That's because their song of that name was still hogging the Number One spot on the UK singles chart. The one it had seized control of in the early days of January. 

However, even the Frankies couldn't rule forever. And so it was that on the very last week of the month, they were deposed by a German.

That German was Nena, and her track was 99 Red Balloons, that nuclear apocalypse-fearing song of Captain Kirks, super-heroes and floaty, inflated rubber.

Over on the British album chart, three LPs held sway, that month. They were Touch by 
Eurythmics, Sparkle in The Rain by Simple Minds and Into the Gap by the Thompson Twins. None of which I've ever heard. If ordered to choose one to listen to, I think I'd probably opt for the last of those.

But what of the galaxy's greatest comic? What was it up to at the time?

There would appear to have been nothing too dramatic going on. It was still giving us a diet of Sláine, D.R. & Quinch, Judge Dredd and Strontium Dog, although there was something new, with The Great Infinity Inc. Foul-Up, a strip of which I recall nothing.

Perhaps the most exciting news is that Prog 357 gave us the chance to win 100 Judge Dredd games, although I must confess to knowing zilch of what those games entailed.

March 17th 1982 - Marvel UK, 40 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

When it came to news and current affairs, it was a quiet week, this week in 1982.

And there wasn't much happening on the UK singles chart either, with Tight Fit's The Lion Sleeps Tonight retaining the top spot it had claimed two weeks earlier.

But there was change on the British album chart, thanks to the Jam's final album The Gift smashing in at Number One to make sure the perma-grumpy trio went out in fine style.

And, speaking of style...

It looks like we're getting that tale in which Flash Thompson, Harry Osborn and Liz Allan all make return appearances when the Molten Man blazes his way back into our lives.

Elsewhere, we take a look at Peter Parker's private life, including a plan of his office at ESU. A thing I think we've all been desperate for.

Not only that but, according to the cover, all our questions are answered.

What? All of them? But I have so many. Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong? Who put the bop in the bop-shoo-wop-doo-wop? Who put brown owl eyes on a butterfly's wings? Will these questions, which have haunted me all my life, finally be answered?

And what's that? We can win a fabulous space-tech book?

Just what is this book?

And does it possess the means to change our lives?

And this issue can give us a space-tech book, as well!

But, more importantly than even that, Cap's still up against the maddening menace of Adonis who, if memory serves me well, is some bloke who's transferred his mind into a perfect android body which then gets half-melted, making it look a bit of a state.

Then he drowns in a swamp.

It's really not his day.

I do believe Thor's up against Locus who's some sort of bank clerk who can make geometric shapes appear from thin air and use them as weapons. What chance does even a thunder god have against the power of geometry?

Meanwhile, I'm not sure what Iron Man's up to. I think it might be the story in which Bethany Cabe's best friend gets beaten almost to death by gangsters.

Tragically, I can find no information online about Scooby-Doo and His TV Friends issue #4. I can't even find a cover for it

So, a question mark is all I can leave you with.

But what finer way is there to end a post, if not with a question mark?

Speak Your Brain! Part XXII. The last song or album you were compulsive about.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Image by Tumisu
from Pixabay

Once more, the people of the world gather by the Celestial Water-Cooler to discuss who-can-know-what because it's one of those Tuesdays on which Sheffield's 38th greatest blog flings the microphone at the public and allows the first person who comments to decide the topic du jour.

But what could it be?

Could it be sport, art, films, books, cooks, nooks, rocks, music, mucous, fairy tales, fairy lights, Fairy Liquid, fairy cakes, Eccles cakes, myth, moths, maths, magic, tragedy, comedy, murder, mystery, mayhem, May Day, Christmas Day, sofas, sodas, sausages, eggs, whisky, broth, Bath, Garth Marenghi, Garth Brooks, Garth Crooks, Bruno Brookes, Bruno Mars, Mars Bars, wine bars, flip-flops, flim-flam, flapjacks, see-saws, flowers, flours, bread bins, bin bags, body bags, doggy bags, bean bags, cola, pancakes, pizzas, baking soda, sci-fi, Wi-Fi, Hi-Fi, horror, honour, sewage, saunas, suet, Silurians, Sontarans, sins, suns, sans or sandcastles?

Yes, it could.

Forty years ago today - March 1982.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

History. It's everywhere you look.

Let's find some.

If I remember this one correctly, Hank Pym's trying to turn his life around and make amends for his recent misdeeds but only succeeds in getting himself blackmailed into committing a robbery, by Egghead, after fitting Trish Starr with a homicidal bionic arm.

And, of course, this leads to him having to fight the rest of the Avengers.

Some days, you just can't catch a break.

For reasons I can't recall, Conan enters the Hyborian version of the Olympics and, of course, wins it.

But the other competitors aren't so lucky and fall foul of all manner of death traps, menaces, monsters and cheaters.

It's an odd outing, as the Inhumans discover they're almost as vulnerable to the modern world's pollutants as Crystal's always been, and the decision's therefore made for them to flee to the moon, where they'll live in its abandoned Blue Area.

And they're taking the entire city of Attilan with them!

As far as I'm aware, no one bothered to ask the Watcher's permission before doing any of this.

It's an issue that pulls a stunt I can never forgive, as it's revealed our hero's adventures in the pages of Rampaging Hulk never happened and were just stories being told by Bereet on her homeworld. Bereet has never even met the Hulk.

Or been to Earth!

Or even knows Rick Jones!

Somehow, by means I don't know, this ties in with the return of Amphibion, Night-Crawler and Torgo who've been sent to Earth to recruit the comic's star on behalf of the princess he once rescued from the Galaxy-Master.

I really don't know what happens in this one but it looks like Shellhead's up against yet another armoured adversary.

I have no doubt Tony Stark's alter-ego will emerge triumphant.

We might have thought the Man-Beast met his demise last month but, barely have we had time to recover from that pulse-pounding battle than he's back, and out to steal a NASA rocket, so he can get back to Counter-Earth and trash the place.

Needless to say, Thor soon puts a stop to that devilish plan.

Things get seriously strange, as Daredevil discovers an entire population of cannibals living in New York's sewers.

And one of them is the Kingpin's amnesiac wife!

Above ground, it's Foggy who's got problems because Kingie's decided it's time to pay Elektra to bump off the pesky lawyer.

Cap gets down with the hood as he comes up against Everyman, a would-be urban saviour who's more interested in winning fights than he is in actually helping anyone.

Deathbird's back!

And, this time, she's got the Brood with her.

Not that anyone, at this stage, knows who the Brood are.

For that matter, I'm not sure if the X-Men have encountered Deathbird before, either.

Anyway, it can only be trouble for the mighty mutants who've just discovered Lilandra's been kidnapped. And for Scott who must still come to terms with the fact he's no longer an orphan.

As if that's not bad enough, it looks like Colossus has bit the bullet.

Blimey. They're going to need a strong cup of tea after all that malarkey.

Catwoman The Black Cat is back.

And it can only mean trouble for Batman Spider-Man, as she goes on a spree of stealing from the mob.

It all goes high-drama, as Cloak and Dagger are in town and out to kill the drug gang who turned them into the weirdoes they currently are.

Spidey does his best to moralise the pair into showing restraint but totally fails on that front.