It's October 2013. And that means all lovers of high culture'll be excited to recall there's just one month to go now till the fiftieth anniversary of Dr Who. How we always gasp as the titular Time Lord battles the forces of evil.
But the gallivanting Gallifreyan's not the only one who can travel temporally. Thanks to me having stolen Dr Doom's time machine, I can travel back fifty years to discover just what our favourite Marvel heroes were doing in the run-up to that momentous occasion.
Were they busy tripping over their scarves? Or were they instead reversing the polarity of the neutron flow to confound and belittle their enemies?
Gadzooks! It seems I'm not the only one who's had the, "Steal Dr Doom's time machine," idea, as Kang makes his Fantastic Four debut.
Personally, I think Marvel should have done a story at some point that revealed that every single one of its villains is exactly the same character; Dr Doom, Kang, Rama-Tut, the Mandarin, Magneto, Thanos, Loki, Dormammu, the Leader, The Rocket Racer...
It's Thor vs the Lava Man.
Frankly, I don't care about the Lava Man. I'd just like to know if he has a lava lamp. My respect for him will grow exponentially if it turns out he does.
Still seething from the loss of his time machine, the aforementioned Dr Doom shows up to cause everyone's favourite wall-crawler no end of trouble.
The Human Torch finds himself up against a criminal so lame you'd expect him to show up in an Ant-Man tale.
Iron Man battles the villain who was so disgracefully omitted from the title of Wings' Magneto and Titanium Man.
Personally, I shall never forgive Paul McCartney for the omission - not even if he comes round to my house and gives me a personal performance of The Frog Song.
Forget the chlorophylltastic menace of Plantman.
Because Ant-Man comes up against his deadliest foe yet.
Is there no end to the indignities Marvel could heap upon the least impressive super-hero in history?
Still, at least we get to meet the Porcupine, a foe so powerful that none who live can resist him - shortly before he's defeated by, erm, Ant-Man.
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