Thursday, 29 October 2015

Hostess Twinkies.

DC Comics Batman Hostess Twinkies ad Everyone knows that I only shop in the classiest of establishments. Why, if Holly Golightly wouldn't be seen dead in a place, neither will I.

And so it is that it's repeatedly come to my attention that my local Poundland now sells Hershey Bars.

Being  a man who likes to experience the produce of exotic alien cultures, I must confess that I've been tempted to buy one.

But paying £1 for a chocolate bar seems a trifle excessive to me, especially as I keep seeing Americans say bad things about them on the internet. There's talk of waxiness, additives and aftertastes, all of which make me wonder if I really want to eat them.

But, of course, I can't see the words, "Hershey Bar," without thinking of two things; Judge Hershey and Hostess Twinkies.

Unlike Hershey Bars, I've never seen a Twinkie. But I do know that every American comic I bought in my youth seemed to include a super-hero trying to convince me to buy them, that I might more easily thwart the schemes of super-villains.

I remember Spider-Man fighting the Human Fly, Captain America fighting the Red Skull, and the Hulk getting knocked out by a partnership of the Wendigo and the Abomination.

Marvel Comics Captain Marvel Hostess Twinkies ad
But, of all the ads, the ones that always stuck in my mind were Batman's encounter with a mummy, and Captain Marvel's battle with Nitro.

I suspect the Batman one was memorable because it involved a dread creature of the supernatural and because of its stylish art, which may or may not have had the involvement of Dick Giordano.

The Captain Marvel one was probably so memorable to me because I've always been taken by Nitro's habit of blowing himself up when anyone gets in his way, which surely has to be one of the least likely and most drastic super-powers of all time.

Of course, I'm not sure the Captain Marvel one makes much sense. Where did the hole in the mountain suddenly appear from?

And how come Robin's anti-mummy gun doesn't work in the other ad? According to Batman it's because you can't kill someone who's already dead. Well, leaving aside the fact that I find it hard to believe Robin would so readily shoot to kill, it's supposed to be an anti-mummy gun. Surely, as it's an anti-mummy gun, it should be designed to work on dead people. If it isn't, in what way is it an anti-mummy gun?

For that matter, how come he has an anti-mummy gun on him anyway? Just how much usage is that likely to get in the course of a typical evening?

Do Hostess Twinkies still exist?

I don't know.

Are they nice?

I don't know.

Do you have to pay £1 for one?

I don't know.

But I do know that they seem to be the greatest weapon ever invented in the fight against both logic and crime. And, surely, that alone justifies their existence.


Aggy said...

Yes Twinkies still exist. Or I guess exist again as they went off the market for a year or so then came back.

You can pick them up by the box in large branches of Tesco (other Supermarket's are available but are unfortunately Twinkie less).

They cost less than a pound each in the box.

As for taste. Image the finest quality cake that Paul Hollywood can make. Soft, dreamy, cream filled all natural ingredients from the finest local producers. Twinkies taste the exact opposite of that. Completely artificial in every way. But completely impossible to destroy. At the end of days all that will remain on earth are the broken dreams of the hopeless romantic, cockroaches and Twinkies.

In other words they are fantastic

Anonymous said...

Funny how those ads are memorable... I too was drawn to the Captain Marvel one, Steve; I always thought it was because all the others featured a-listers like Spiderman or Captain America, whereas I was generally more into the less well known characters.

Often, in the 70s those comics were the better ones. But while Starlin's Mar-Vell - an obvious case in point - made enough of a lasting impression that it probably helped keep me interested in comics well past a sensible age, I can safely say I haven't been curious about Twinkies since I was eight or nine.
But if they'd been in Tescos in 1975....

Btw, have you read Sean Philips update of Twinkies ads?
Pretty good, eh?


snell said...

Perhaps of interest: A collection of (and commentary on) every single one of the super-hero Hostess ads.

Steve W. said...

Thanks to you all for all the info. :)

Snell, sadly, the link you posted just gives me a 404 Error message. Could it be that those dastardly super-villains have finally claimed their revenge on Twinkies?

Anonymous said...

My favorite Hostess ad featured the Hulk confronting the Toad Men, one of whom cried out, "By the Great Horned Toad!"
That still cracks me up.
You oughtta try the Hershey Bars, Steve. Good stuff. Chocolate use to be the poor man's heroin in my country, until heroin priced dropped so dramatically that heroin became the poor man's heroin.

Anonymous said...

I have had a Twinkie and I can confirm that you have missed absolutely nothing. They are yuk. Forget about them. Ditto Hershey bars. You can't beat Galaxy chocolate and if you are hankering after some fluffiness in your life head out and get a walnut whip. If they still sell them. Or maybe try a Cadbury's chocolate mini roll. You used to like them......

Colin Jones said...

I've always wondered what pumpkin pie tastes like. My local Tesco is selling pumpkins now - I never saw any pumpkins when I was a kid, I don't think we knew what Trick Or Treat was either - the only Halloween tradition I can remember was bobbing for apples (this has got nothing to do with Twinkies so apologies for going off-topic).

snell said...

Oops...This is the correct link.

Anonymous said...

Colin, pumpkin pie tastes really, really good.
No blood or eels in it, just nature's pumpkiny goodness.
Give it a try! The potato worked out okay, didn't it?

Colin Jones said...

MP, I'd definitely try a pumpkin pie if I ever see one on sale. But I'm not buying a pumpkin and trying to make my own pie, I wouldn't know how to anyway :)

Anonymous said...

MP, since the mid-90s, heroin has been pretty cheap in the UK too; I've never tried Hershey bars, but I find it hard to believe they've ever been better value. Am I missing out on something?


Dougie said...

Twinkies are vile.

About two years ago, on the main street in Aberdeen- the nearest city and it has three comic shops!- one of those pop-up "American candy and cereals" stores had sprung up in a vacant shop unit.

I saw boxes of Twinkies and remembered how delicious those weird, semi-satirical ads made them sound ( the Bat-mummy ad is my favourite). I decided to try one.

The Twinkie is a cloying, saccharine blob of yellowy nastiness. Avoid.

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