Sunday 17 March 2019

2000 AD - February 1981.

When the brave man or the fool looks within the dread Necronomicon - that blasphemous tome by the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred - and seeks out the later chapters, in search of the one true defining horror above all other horrors, he will find a page.

That page must never be gazed upon.

For it contains a terror so fearsome that it could hurl a man over the cliff of insanity and onto the breakers of madness.

Upon that page are just two words.

February 1981.

For that was the month in which all lovers of anything that vaguely resembles music had to endure the nightmarish spectacle of Ultravox's era-defining Vienna being kept off the top of the UK singles chart for week after week after week.

At first, there was a respectability in Fate's treatment of the platter. After all, it was initially kept off the top spot by John Lennon's Woman.

But then it suddenly had to endure the ignominy of being kept from the pinnacle by Shaddap You Face by Joe Dolce, a man who not only couldn't spell, "Your," but couldn't even be bothered to do the decent thing and end his name with an, "é."

Week after week, we huddled around our radios on Chart Day, waiting for the inevitable announcement that Vienna had finally risen to Number One, only to be told, yet again, that it was still at Number Two.

Few who survived that period have ever truly got over the ordeal, nor recovered their belief that there might, within this universe, be anything that could be called justice. If Watergate signalled the death of innocence for a generation of Americans, somehow, Vienna's endless run at Number Two did the same for a whole generation of Britons.

Over on the album chart, thankfully, things were decidedly less fraught, with neither of those acts vying for the Number One slot.

In fact, the album chart was topped by just two albums that month; John and Yoko's Double Fantasy and then Phil Collins' Face Value. How little we guessed at that time, that that latter album signalled the beginning of an insanely gigantic solo career for a man once perceived as being little more than Peter Gabriel's stand-in.

That's all well and good but what of sci-fi - and the comic which did more than any other to provide us with it?

As always, I know less than I should. But I do know the cover of Prog 198 is a wrap-around one, with its rear-half revealing that the pesky swarmers are standing on the bovver boot of a reclining skinhead. Quite what that's about is anyone's guess.

I also know that this era features a strip called Return to Armageddon, which seems to star a protagonist who's immortal and has been deformed by someone called the Destroyer, leading to him being put in a cage in a freak show, while customers are challenged to try and kill him. I've no memory of this strip at all but I can say that, even by the standards of 2000 AD, it sounds a bit grim.

2000 AD Prog 198

2000 AD Prog 199, Judge Dredd

2000 AD Prog 200, Tharg

2000 AD Prog 201, Judge Dredd

17 comments:

Aggy said...

What's the matter You? Eh? Why you look so sad? Eh?

As much as I love the complete Judge Dredd trade paperbacks I wish they would publish the complete 2000AD. I'd buy them all just for the forgotten strips

Anonymous said...

Rebellion have been putting out collections of older 2000AD strips, like Return to Armageddon and that other great series from this era, Meltdown Man.

Its hard to get worked up about who should or shouldn't have been number one back then Steve, as Lennon, Ultravox and Phil Collins strike me as all equally dull. At least Joe Dolce was a one hit wonder, so only anno us with the one record.
Yoko Ono was pretty cool though.

-sean

Anonymous said...

Duh, typo... Sorry, that should of course have read "so only annoyed us with the one record".

-sean

Charlie Horse 47 said...

Did any of you guys buy these Progs and make the "big poster" that is being promoted? Sounds like fun.

Wiki says Dolce got the phrases for the song from his Italian grandparents... too funny. I have to wonder if he'd be "allowed" to release that song today?

Anonymous said...

For a week or two back then everybody at school was walking around saying "Shaddup You Face" to each other. It became the standard greeting. And Phil Collins was on the radio constantly.
And yes, Steve, just beneath the baying of the mob one might hear the first faint rustling of Cthhulu, stirring in his tomb in sunken R'lyeh.
It was fortold!
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulu wgah'nagl R'lyeh fhtagn!!! The goat with a thousand young!! I want my MTV! YYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

M.P.

Redartz said...

Well, Steve, at least you could take some comfort in Ultravox' near miss at the top. Shamefully, Ultravox never even cracked the top 40 here in the states. Thank God for college radio and a local record store with loads of imports. I played that "Vienna" l.p. to death. Actually, the Lennon album and the Collins album also saw much playtime in my humble apartment...

Steve W. said...

Aggy, I agree.

Sean, I do feel that 1981 was a good year for Lennon (apart from his obvious problem), Collins and Ultravox. I would say Woman was a good record, one of Lennon's few post-Beatles songs that I like. Despite not generally having a fondness for the works of Phil Collins, I do think In The Air Tonight is a genuinely great record. And I love Vienna. I think its place in my affections was permanently cemented by its use in the TV show Ashes to Ashes.

Redartz, the Internet informs me that Joe Dolce even outsold Ultravox in America. He really was determined to annoy them.

MP, no one in my school was singing Shaddap You Face. Everyone I knew was genuinely exasperated by its kiboshing of Vienna.

Charlie, I have some vague memories of assembling a multi-part poster that came from a comic but I can't remember what it was or if it came from 2000 AD or not.

Steve W. said...

On the subject, a few years back, BBC Radio 2 conducted a poll of its listeners to determine what the 40 greatest Number Two records of all time are. The results can be found here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/R3pKcPFGDddCvv5VwwgKgc/the-nations-favourite-no-2-single-the-top-40 but I can reveal that Vienna came out on top.

The Top Ten were:

1 Ultravox - Vienna.

2 The Pogues feat. Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale Of New York.

3 Don McLean - American Pie.

4 James - Sit Down.

5 The Stranglers - Golden Brown.

6 The Kinks - Waterloo Sunset (1967)

7 The Beatles - Penny Lane / Strawberry Fields Forever.

8 Queen - We Are The Champions.

9 The Beach Boys - God Only Knows.

10 A-ha - Take On Me.

There are some shocks in there. Interesting to see Teenage Dirtbag above Let It Be.

Anonymous said...

To be fair Steve, John Lennon did play on one of my favourite records of 1981, Yoko Ono's Walking on Thin Ice ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzV7FiuDYKo ) so for those, like me, not keen on Woman that would still make it a good year for him (not counting the obvious, obviously).

And while I wouldn't go as far as you and call it great, In The Air Tonight was admittedly one of the better hits of that year.
Vienna too, really. But you still have to give it to the British public for buying more copies of Shaddup You Face.

-sean

Charlie Horse 47 said...

Wow!

Who'd a thunk PL/SF was #1 in the USA but not the UK??? What's with not supporting the home team, fer cryin out loud!

Anonymous said...

But Charlie - it was Engelbert Humperdinck at #1.

-sean

Charlie Horse 47 said...

Thanks Sean! I knew there was a solid reason for the Beatles not making #1 in the UK with one /two of their biggest hits on the same 45, lOl.

Anonymous said...

Steve, I remember that Radio 2 poll - it was presented by Tony Blackburn and I guessed from the start that Vienna would win. Vienna has become symbolic of the #2 songs that "should have" reached #1.

I haven't looked at that Top 40 list but here are some others that come to mind:

I Believe In Father Christmas - Greg Lake

No Doubt About It - Hot Chocolate (it's about a UFO !!)

They Don't Know - Tracey Ullman

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper

Heartbreaker - Dionne Warwick

Oliver's Army - Elvis Costello

Denis - Blondie

Dreaming - Blondie

Ma Baker - Boney M

Rasputin - Boney M

...just some of my favourites that got stuck at No.2 and of course, we mustn't forget that eternal classic The Smurf Song by Father Abraham - No.2 for 6 weeks in 1978, the greatest injustice of all :D

Anonymous said...

And while we're on the subject of music - today (March 19th) is exactly 30 years since Madonna's Like A Prayer reached No.1 in the UK singles chart.

Anonymous said...

Kind of amazing that in the twenty-first century the Beeb still insist God Save the Queen by the Sex Pistols didn't get to #1.
Colin, I reckon that puts the Smurfs at second greatest injustice...

-sean

Charlie Horse 47 said...

Gents, I've tried yet again to listen to Ultravox in general and Vienna. Why oh why doesn't it do anything for me? I would venture it was more for UK tastes (whatever that mean, lol) but Redartz is from the heartland of the heartland of the USA and he digs it so it must be me...

Steve W. said...

I think their sound in the Midge Ure era was quite sterile, so I can understand why it would leave people cold.