Hark! What's that sound at the door?
It's the knock of the television license detector van man - and he wants a word with you.
He doesn't really because, as we all now know, TV license detector vans never existed - what with them being a scientific impossibility.
However, you may not have known that, way back in November 1981 and, if you didn't, you may have been living in fear because that was the month in which the colour TV license increased from £34 to £46. Meanwhile, the license for a black and white set rose from a walloping great £12 to a walloping greater £15.
With those sorts of prices, there was only one thing for it. We were all going to have to seek refuge in the cinemas which saw the release of two movies of a very different hue; Time Bandits and Porky's.
Being part of the intellectual elite, I do, of course, prefer Time Bandits. Admittedly, I've never actually seen Porky's and suspect I've spent most of my life getting it mixed up with Animal House.
Thinking about it, I don't think I've seen Animal House either.
I, therefore, have no valid opinion about either movie.
What I definitely did see in that month was the UK singles chart.
And what a volatile thing it was proving to be. November kicked off with the top spot in the hands of Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin's It's My Party before that was quickly slain by the Police's Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic. However, that record's reign was also brief, as it was quickly deposed by Queen and David Bowie's Under Pressure, a track which, in retrospect, began the early 1980s trend for established artists teaming up in order to sell more records than they could on their own.
But that tactic was only a temporary triumph for Queen and Bowie because, almost as soon as it topped the chart, the track was dethroned by Julio Iglesias' Begin the Beguine which found itself gripping the Number One slot in the final week of that month.
Things were far less lively on the album chart because November began with the top spot in the hands of Shakin' Stevens' Shaky which was then dislodged for the rest of the month by Queen's Greatest Hits.
Clearly, there was no shortage of activity in the worlds of TV, cinema and music but what of the realm of picture strips in that year's penultimate month? Just what doings were afoot in the galaxy's greatest comic?
We were still getting a diet of Ace Trucking Co, Mean Arena, Tharg's Future Shocks, Judge Dredd, Nemesis the Warlock and Rogue Trooper. Dredd was still in the throes of Block Mania, although Max Normal appeared not to be.
But perhaps the most intriguing development was in Progs 237 and 238 which featured a strip about someone called Abelard Snazz from the trusty typewriter of Alan Moore. I must confess I've no recollection of this strip at all but have no doubt it was a thing of wonder to behold.
Still, surely the most exciting news came with Prog 239 which gave us all a chance to wear a Cosmic Wars watch.
If only I knew what Cosmic Wars was.
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30 comments:
Steve, Steve, Steve!!!
Man - you hit the memory bone in my head hard just now!!!
It's 1985 in a little town in Germany. I'm a US Army chopper pilot and home for some reason during a weekday. A van pulls up, antennas on the roof, Herman (the German) hops out and rings the bell.
I come to the door and Herman says (all in German but I translate), "Hello, you are watching TV in your house, yes? I said, "Yes. Why?"
He said, "Because we see you have not paid the TV tax!" I said, "Oh. Well I am a US Soldier and we do not pay that tax."
He said, "Well you know what I think? It is not fair that you do not pay just because you are a US soldier." To which I replied, "Es ist mir scheiss Egal was Du meinst personlich. Tschuss."
Literally, it means, "I don't give a shit what you think personally. Cheers." The real rub was that I said "Du" for "you" instead of the formal "Sie" for "you" which was and still is to a large extent, a big social no-no, lol.
BUT NOW you are telling me that the antennae with the van was all a bunch of B.S.??? It didn't really work???
Holy Moley! I am stunned!
I was brought up on a council estate in Hertfordshire. If a TV detector van was spotted within a one mile radius, we'd make like Rick Jones' Teen Brigade and split up and spread the news over all the council houses in the village.
Oh yeah, DM, Oh my brother!
Life is too short not to get your "Rick Jones" on, at least once. Lol.
Charlie, as far as anyone can make out, all those vans used to do was drive past houses that were on their list as not having paid for a license, and the inspector would peer in through windows to see if he could spot a TV. If he did, he'd knock on the door and pretend his hi-tech space-age super-equipment had tipped him off.
Steve, though I am usually a big fan of anything done by the Pythoners, Time Bandits always seemed to me way too family/kiddie fare-ish. I found the cutesy midgets annoying. Just my take.
Porky's, on the other hand, is like Animal House "Plus", and more realistically brutal to boot. I recommend it, but not the sequels.
MP, in response to your comment at the end of Steve's previous post:
Yes indeed, 30 Days Of Night is a fun watch, as well as the sequel. I own both, and I hope they decide to make it a trilogy.
I couldn't put my mom through that tho, on Christmas evening. Hell, Lugosi gives her nightmares. Lol.
I figured Polanski's Vampire Killers would be a good romp for her, as it's a comedy with no foul language, nudity, or gore. She used to be a Sharon Tate fan, and I know she's never seen it.
Man, paying a tax to receive transmitted broadcast TV signal. Yow.
I'll bet you folks would be amazed at some of the cable/satellite pirates here in the states.
Great covers there again this month Steve, from Colin Wilson, Kev O'Neill and Brian Bolland.
Tharg really knew how to pick art droids back then.
Abelard Snazz, the man with the double-decker brain, had already appeared in a couple of short stories before prog 237, but - like DR & Quinch next - he was too entertaining to leave to the Future Shocks.
-sean
Charlie, I was in the 1st A.D. in Germany '88 to '90, and I well remember the phrase "Herman the German" which was applied to any random Kraut one might encounter.
You were a helicopter pilot? I was a gas pumper in an air cav unit in the Iowa National Guard for a while when I was in college. It was outta Waterloo Iowa. It was a good gig. I think we had Blackhawks.
One summer we did our annual two-week summer exercise and at the end, the pilots were giving us lowly fuel jockeys and mechanics a free ride. Being scared of heights, I said "No way Jose."
They called me every name in the book including the "P word" till I said "Awright already!!!"
Of course they left the door open for the whole flight, the bastards...
M.P.
Steve
Assuming this will be your last post before Christmas, Merry and Christmas and thanks for another nostalgic year.
Now for a bit of Under Pressure...
DW
Thanks, DW, and merry Christmas to you too - and to everyone else who visits this site.
Merry Christmas Steve!
Merry Christmas Sheffield - ever caught between the past and the future!
Merry Christmas All!
Happy Holidays too!
(M.P. - I flew Chinook CH-47s -hence my name- from 1985 - 89 with "Big Windy" out of Schwabisch Hall. Best time of my life. I'm still upset this Monday morning to know that Herman outfoxed me with that bogus van loaded up with antennas!)
Steve, I thought you were saying that TV detector vans didn't exist which I know is wrong because I saw one - but that's not what you were saying :)
KD, here in the UK 'The Fearless Vampire Killers' was released under the title 'Dance Of The Vampires' - the film still had that title in 1982 when I saw it for the first time (on TV) but it has since reverted to the original title.
Colin, at one time Fearless Vampire Killers was called "Pardon Me, But Your Fangs Are In My Neck", or something like that.
Doesn't look like that will be enjoyed anyway. Just found out my sister & her hillbilly husband will be joining us. The TV entertainment is probably going to consist of the Hunting Channel. Hooray.
Then again, the weather here is going to be warm & dry. He may be itchy to check deer trails or feel the need to kill squirrels, etc.
As long as I don't have to look at his bear hunt pictures. Ugh.
Steve, hope you, and the rest of my brothers here, have a Merry Christmas.
Hokey Smokes, Charlie 47-winkle!
I knew you were a pilot, but a CHOPPER pilot?!!
Seems like almost every time there is a military crash or air-vehicle shot down announced in the news, it's a Blackhawk.
While I have no great fear of helicopters, I prefer my aircraft to be more aerodynamic.
Traded in a stack of DVDs at a used shop yesterday, got the last two Avenger films on Blu-Ray, and a couple zombie movies.
With all the 'copter talk I'm thinking of putting those on hold, and re-watching Apocalypse Now! Lol!!!
So Charlie's a Chinook survivor? Well, well... I'd been assuming "Charlie Horse" was some sort of drug reference (it would have explained quite a bit).
Steve, hope you and everyone else has been having a good winter solstice today, and enjoy Christmas/Hannukah/Winterval or whatever festivities you're into.
-sean
One of the reasons Porky's is one of my favorites, is because it features Kaki Hunter.
She's not a raving beauty like Caroline Munroe, but she has a skanky quirkiness involved in her acting. I also enjoyed her performance in the movie Roadie.
It was great to see her in the infamous shower scene.
Guess that was why I would pickup the crazy skinny broads at the biker bars that I used to frequent. Lol.
No copter tales from this corner; I was a civilian through college and beyond. But I salute you who served!
TV vans? Wow, sounds like Deep State stuff. But then again, nowadays you have people monitoring (and potentially hijacking) your wifi, so........
To you Steve, and to all you fine folks here, best wishes for Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, New Year's, and anything else you may choose to celebrate! Now back to gift wrapping...
Having to obtain a license or pay tax because you have a television seems insane.
A pal of mine was a tech for Motorola ( installing radios in police cars, ambulances, etc) & a ham radio operator.
He had a amazing rig on top of his house. He vitually got it all. Cable channels, pay-per-view, everything. For free.
That man was a TV pirate genius.
KD - the Germans pay a TV tax b/c they have commercial-free TV. Something had to pay for it, lol.
In many ways, the Europeans are more market-oriented than the USA. Want TV? Fine - pay for it. Want ketchup with that burger? Fine - pay for it, lol.
It ain't no accident that the USA is $23,000,000,000,000 in debt (it's called corporate welfare).
KD - Yep! We called the Blackhawk the "crash hawk." On the other hand, they'd say we were the only helicopter that could have a mid-air collision with itself (true dat, lol!).
Hey UK dudes - what was cool was the UK Chinooks would fly into our itsy-bitsy tiny base in Schwabisch Hall with their Chinooks to visit our commissary! We were one of only 3 (!) US bases in Germany that had a butcher (and we had 1,000,000 americans living there due to the military!) You dudes would load up on freshly butchered steaks and chops and ribs!!! And my guess is you also stopped by the "Class 6" store and loaded up on duty free Jack Daniels and Marlboros, LOL!
Hey! We were all brothers in arms facing down those commies, so we were glad to keep you in chops, smokes, and booze!
You know... the whole "TV Detector Van" thing is still hotly debated on the internet. Hard to tell who is correct? Anyone have a definitive source? There's a whole lot of folks saying the vans detect the signal given off by oscillators and transmogrifiers in the TVs and stuff. (Older TVs...)
UK Dudes - do you also has a radio tax?
The licence pays for the BBC which does radio too Charlie, although you only have to pay it for tv. You can listen to British state propaganda for free.
I go with the theory that detector vans were a fraud, as for years I used to get hassled for not paying for a tv licence. Turns out, not owning a tv isn't a good reason! Not if all the threatening mail I used to get was anything to go by...
Seriously, tell them you don't have a tv - which I didn't til I was in my forties - and they don't believe you. Obviously they were unable to detect I didn't have one.
-sean
Sean - I love an eye witness! My only curiosity then is where are the stories from the BBC or Deutsche Funk who worked in those BS vans? I mean. did they sign non-disclosures? And anyhow, on their deathbeds, why not confess to their dastardly deeds!!!???
Perhaps they were all SJWs Charlie.
(I'm still not clear on what that actually means, but it seems to be a catch-all explanation for dastardly behaviour)
-sean
Seriously? You gonna make ole' Charlie google that acronym?
I'll do it by gosh but is it going to make sense that a Single Jewish Woman is behind the antennae-truck cabal?
Paying for a TV licence means BBC TV and radio is free of commercials - I'd willingly pay twice as much to stay commercial-free.
A very Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays etc to one and all at Steve Does Comics :D
My feet are up now. Happy Christmas Steve, MP, both Charlies, Sean, KD, Colin. Even Dez, Rick, Frank and my pain in the asstistic actuary twin brother Mike. And anybody else I've forgotten. I'm going to dig out a snowy Western to watch upstairs while everybody else watches a cheesy Christmas film. Might be Jeremiah Johnson today.
My favourite anecdote about BBC license inspectors is probably an urban legend. A man told his wife to hide the telly, and then he invited them into the house. They could not find the TV set, so they accepted his claim that he did not own one. After they left, he laughed, and asked the wife where she put the TV.
"It's in the bath tub. I hid it under water."
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