Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon.
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Who takes it all?
The winner takes it all.
And I know that because ABBA told me so.
They told me so, this week in 1980, when the Swedish supergroup hit the pinnacle of the UK singles chart, with the song of that title.
It brought to an end a period of two years in which, despite a zillion near-misses, they'd failed to hit Number One, and gave them the eighth of their nine British chart-toppers.
But, on the country's LP listings, far noisier fare held sway, as AC/DC's Back in Black knocked Deepest Purple off the Number One spot. It is strange how Heavy Metal never gets any mention in TV retrospectives of the British music scene in this era, even though it sold in massive quantities.
Jarella's back and it would appear to be causing no end of consternation to the Avengers.
The original X-Men find themselves up against the Living Monolith - who's so much more dangerous than The Dead Monolith - thanks to the pencil of Neal Adams.
And, in the Champions, we get to meet the man who created the Black Widow.
I have a feeling that he dies not too long after we meet him.
My knowledge of this week's issue's somewhat incomplete but I do know the Fourth Doctor's still up against the menace that is Dragon's Claw.
There's also an article about The Green Death, the Third Doctor serial which made us discover the true horror of giant maggots.
We get more of the Daleks' adventures as they attempt to conquer the universe.
We get a Silver-Age Marvel twist-in-the-tale reprint of the kind we've grown used to, but I don't know which one.
We get the, no doubt, enlightening feature Fantastic Facts.
Just how fantastic those facts are, I could not say.
And we finish with Business as Usual, a strip in which a man called Max Fischer is trying to flee the Autons. And it appears that, when they've done with him, they'll have their sights set on Earth!
Dracula's in a strop and wants his vampire powers back, necessitating a return to Transylvania where he finds himself besieged, not only by his human enemies but also his former undead lackeys.
Is this the end for the quarrelsome count?
Elsewhere, Ghost Rider finds himself in a punch-up with Satan - and comes to realise the lord of Hell may not actually own his soul, after all.
And then we get the one-off tale in which, way back in prehistory, the Kree's Sentry goes for a walk, to check-up on our planet's progress and teaches us the true origin of the Inhumans.
Judging by the cover, this leads to him being menaced by a giant in a cave. He really does have to be the unluckiest man alive.
Then again, Red Sonja's not that much luckier, because, in her strip, she's got to sort out a bear god.
Obviously, robots are involved.
The cover told me that.
Meanwhile, Han and the gang find themselves in a strange cave...
Gullivar Jones is hanging around with Chak the pterodactyl man, and learning a thing or two about the history of Mars.
Elsewhere, in Monsters of the Cosmos, mankind must face the threat of Gargantus.
And, in Tales of the Watcher, a thief steals a robot and uses its awesome power, to rob banks, before holing up in a cave and ordering it let no one pass through its entrance.
It's only later that he discovers that that means it won't let him leave it!
Luke Cage finds himself up against the deadly servants of a mystery villain.
I have a suspicion that villain is Dr Doom but I could be wrong about that.
And the X-Men must tangle with the Guardian of the Crystal in what, I think, is John Byrne's first issue on the strip.
I do remember that Starburst seemed to have a strange fascination with Caroline Munro. I can't imagine why.
And so it is that she makes the cover, not for the first or last time in her career.
Even more sexily, we get an article about Stingray!
And, of course, there's more Star Wars related goodness because where would Starburst be without it?
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27 comments:
One time, in elementary school, a buddy of mine brought to class an issue of Marvel Team-Up. It featured Spidey & Hawkeye.
He lent it to me, and I read it during history class. I gave it back to him, and he handed it off to somebody else as we entered Mr. Dietrich's science class.
Mr. Dietrich was one of those brutal teachers, like the one in Pink Floyd's The Wall.
He yanked the comic out from under the kid. He waved it in the air, and bellowed, "So comic books are more interesting than my class?!! I can make it more interesting!"
He went over to his paper-cutter. Those big base bastards with the huge lever-blade that seemed to be in every classroom.
He sliced the book up like a maniac!
Chuckling with every cut!! He threw the pieces on the kid's desk. "Now it's a puzzle! It should be very interesting to read now!"
Everyone was quiet, but I must have had a shocked look on my face. He walked up to my desk and said, "I guess we know who that belonged to."
I said, "Its not mine, but I can't believe you did that." He gave me a good backhand across the face for that. Guess I was being mouthy.
My buddy & I gathered all the pieces. That night we spent 4 hours, and 6 rolls of Scotch tape, and reassembled it. It was about 5 inches thick! Lol!
He brought it in the next day, and had it at the corner of desk in Dietrich's class. Dietrich saw it, and everyone said he was at ultra-fume level the rest of the day! Lmao!!
"We don't need no education." Lol.
Caroline Munroe was a hottie. I believe I own every horror film she's ever done.
@Killdumpster
It's difficult now to believe the crap that teachers used to get away with. Most of us of "a certain age" seem to have these horror stories. I vividly remember sitting next to a kid in class who similarly got a smack in the face from an irate teacher. Not good.
And, yes, Caroline Munroe was indeed a hottie. I'm sure I've still got the issue of Starburst mentioned above, might have to dig it out... for ( ahem! ) research purposes.
@Steve
Deepest Purple was probably the first Metal album I ever bought. I remember it was heavily advertised on telly and I thought it looked amazing at the time. It's strange that Purple are seemingly the forgotten men of British rock - you always hear about Led Zep and Sabbath in rock retrospectives but Gillan & co get left out. Maybe it's because they were more commercially-minded than the others and actually had hit singles, which obviously wasn't cool?
I got punched between the shoulder blades by Mr. Gameson, the science teacher, when I was 11 because I hadn't taken my overcoat off quickly enough!
I think this month's issue of Rampage was the final one to feature the Hulk - or possibly next month's. Anyway the X-Men were very soon to become the cover stars of Rampage.
Something about hearing "Hush" for the first time on your older sister's cheesy 8-track player when you're a kid is a transformative experience.
Nothing would ever be the same after that.
M.P.
Colin, in junior high, I remember a guy in my class getting his head slammed down on a desk. A different teacher whipped a textbook at mine. The gym teacher threw me against the wall one time. This was the early '80's.
When we got bigger, though, that bullshit stopped. I wasn't the only guy waiting for an excuse to pound one of those clowns. The bad ones, not the good ones. They became more...ah, circumspect, shall we say.
And then came the drill sergeants and I was suddenly a punk kid again.
M.P.
Comics and corporal punishment, ahh those were the days.
Well, the comics were good, not so sure about the middle-aged teachers who seemed a little too eager to get their jollies by beating children.
I remember we had a metalwork teacher who was in the habit of flinging heavy blocks of steel at kids who he decided weren't paying attention. How he never killed anybody is anyone's guess.
Near the end of ABBA's 'The Winner Takes It All' Agnetha sings "I apologise" which I heard as "I don't wanna joust". Even though I now know what she's singing it still sounds like "I don't wanna joust".
Steve, the metalwork teacher in my school, Mr. Jones (no relation), was also a horrible b*stard apparently. But I was in the top stream so we did woodwork rather than metalwork.
Hokey Smokes, Master Of The Flying Guillotine-winkle!!!
I thought my teachers were sadistic and insane! Tossing hunks of metal during shop class?! At kids?! Unbelievable!
Hell, I've seen what well placed thrown steel can do.
My mom found out my dad was screwing around on her. I guess she was boiling about it when the family was seated for dinner.
In the 60's & 70's one of our family activities was to play frisbee. All of us got very good at it. Practice makes perfect. During the kung-fu craze I got some ninja stars, but I only did targets,not people.
Mom was so angry at my dad, from the cooking area of the kitchen, across the breakfast nook, into the dining room wher we all were, SHE ZINGED AN OLD SCHOOL METAL COOKIE SHEET AT MY DAD! WITH NINJA PRECISION!
Nailed him square on the forehead, and knocked him outta his chair! Blood everywhere, and my little sisters screaming!!!
My dad was a burly guy, but he was pretty much out of it when I took him to the hospital.
"We don't need no education..."
M.P.
Steve, you mentioned the Looter (AKA Meteor Man) up there.
He was a great villain. He got his hands on a meteorite and started hitting it with a hammer (which is the obvious thing to do) until gas escaped and gave him some limited degree of super-strength. He was lucky; some guys have gotten alien plagues from those things, like in Lovecraft's Colour Out of Space or Creepshow. They usually turn into some kinda alien fungoid being.
Then he did the next obvious thing and started robbing banks and office buildings, sometimes aided by a hot-air balloon. This was less than successful.
If we've learned anything here, and I think we've learned a great deal, it's that cracking open meteorites is a risky proposition.
M.P.
M.P.
I signed off twice there, again, on accident!
Poor keyboard skills!
M.P.
I agree, MP. Never ever mess with things from outer space.
Thats a good point about metal not getting much coverage in accounts of popular music from this period, Steve. Going by most retrospectives you'd think the biggest early 80s act from the peoples republic of Sheffield was the Human League or ABC, but apparently it was actually er... Def Leppard.
And from London, I believe Iron Maiden outsold Throbbing Gristle.
You're probably right about that Luke Cage story - I remember reading the one where he's hired by Dr Doom (who does a runner on payment) in Rampage, and although I don't recall exactly which issue it started in, #26 does seem likely.
-sean
I would kinda think just about anyone could outsell Throbbing Gristle.
That opinion might get me classified as a "Subhuman". Lol.
The Looter (Meteor Man) was actually a good villain, but only Ditko could pull that costume off. Anyone else draws it, it's just not the same.
Kinda like "Just A Guy Named Joe".
Did you UK folks get the Birdman cartoon from the 60's? It was in 3 parts. The first & last was Birdman, and the "sandwich act" was the Galaxy Trio.
They were like a minor league Legion of Superheroes. Their membership consisted of Gravity Girl, Vapor Man, and... METEOR MAN! Guess Hanna-Barbera lost the rights to the name.
Anyway, Meteor Man was a stocky alien who could grow his fists or legs to enormous sizes. Kinda like that woman in the original Doom Patrol or the current Ms Marvel.
What that has to do with meteors is anyone's guess.
KD, I'm afraid I'm totally unfamiliar with that cartoon.
Sean, on top of that, as far as I'm aware, Saxon are the biggest-selling band ever to come out of Barnsley.
Wow, I saw Saxon as the opening act for The "Black & Blue" tour of BOC and Sabbath. Unfortunately that was during the Ronnie James Dio period.
I was a bit of a completist as I'd buy the album that the opener was on tour for.
Saxon was pushing "Denim & Leather", or the other way around. Can't remember.
Took that album back to the record shop the next day. I did that with a band called Starfighters also. I can't remember who those guys opened up for.
Guess everyone sounds good live when overindulging.
Saxon were even bigger than the Grimethorpe Colliery Band, Steve.
-sean
Guess the Grimethorpe Colliery Band were either never picked up by a major label, or just not imported to the states.
Working in the record industry for over 30 years, I've never seen or heard a lick of their product.
Now I'm curious. Time to see if there's anything online.
Hannah Barbara's Birdman is now a practicing attorney, apparently. For those of you living abroad, he's got a cartoon now on Adult Swim late at night where he represents other cartoon characters. It's a target-rich environment.
I guess he decided to reinvent himself after seeing Space Ghost's success as a talk show host.
Even Brak managed to get himself a spin-off.
Who says there are no second acts in America? In cartoons, anyway?
And yes, I do suffer from insomnia. Why do you ask?
M.P.
Space Ghost Coast to Coast!
Now you're talking M.P. - the theme for that was by the late, great guitarist Sonny Sharrock.
-sean
If we're talking about that teacher that we all had at school, here's Mike's take....
https://artisticactuary.blogspot.com/2020/08/the-happiest-days-of-our-lives.html
Thanks, Dangermash. :)
KD, sadly, the Grimethorpe Colliery Band were always denied the limelight by the Brighouse and Rasterick Brass Band. It was the Beatles v Stones all over again.
MP and Sean, I have some vague memory of Space Ghost being in a JLA type cartoon in the early 1970s, along with Mandrake the Magician and various others. Am I just imagining it or was it a real thing?
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