Fifty years ago today - September 1974.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

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1974!

I remember it well!

Sort of.

Unless my ever-loving memory deserts me, this is the first half of the two-parter that sees Crystal marry Quicksilver.

Needless to say, it's not long before the Human Torch is wanting to smash him in the face.

But let's face it, what girl wouldn't want to marry Quicksilver? He's quite the charmer.

Then again, Omega and the Alpha Primitives may not agree.

After all, they're doing everything they can to wreck proceedings.

I've never seen the inside of this comic but, apparently, in the city of Zamor, Conan fights a gargoyle and saves someone called Arlinna.

So, just another day at the office, basically.

Unless my ever-loving memory deserts me again, this is the second half of the two-parter in which Crystal marries Quicksilver!

However, from that cover, I'm assuming Omega turns out to be Ultron in disguise.

It's one of my Hulk favourites, as the Missing Link returns as a good guy and Bruce Banner gets a job as a miner.

Despite becoming friends, it's not long before the two monsters come to blows, each convinced the other is out to hurt the locals.

Hooray! Sunfire is back!

Are probably words no human being has ever uttered.

Still, I suppose he might come in useful, as Iron Man takes on the power of Ultimo.

However, the presence of Ultimo suggests to me the Mandarin may also be around.

This is what we want! The Green Goblin returns!

And, this time, he's Harry Osborn!

I think this is the tale in which Harry abducts a bunch of Peter Parker's nearest and dearest and straps a bomb to one of them!

But which one?

And can Spidey get to him/her in time?

With Firelord, Hercules and a living planet involved, it can only be described as a clash of egos.

DD's greatest foe is back!

Not only that but he kidnaps Candice Nelson!

For reasons I can't remember, this leads the man without fear to scour the Everglades for missing scientist Ted Sallis.

This all tells me we're about to get the nerve-shredding introduction of the hat-wearing fiend we can only refer to as Death-Stalker!

Never having read this comic, I can only wonder if this Lucifer is related to the one who appeared in an early X-Men story?

Then again, was there a villain called Lucifer who appeared in an early X-Men story, or am I just imagining things?

That's Marvel's big hitters attended to but even the house of ideas must be wary of its closest rival.

So, that in mind, just what's occurring in the pages of a random sample of its comics which bear that selfsame cover date?

I do believe this is one of those tales in which Wonder Woman must complete various missions in order to prove she's still worthy of being a member of the Justice League. 

Thus it is that the Flash sticky-beaks, as she tries to stop an alien robot built to bring peace to Earth but which, instead, causes nothing but trouble.

That was the amazin' Amazon as she is now.

But what about as she was then?

Here's where we find out, when DC treats us to one of her earliest adventures.

In that tale, she takes Steve Trevor back to America and adopts the identity of Diana Prince so she can remain close to him.

However, stalking Steve Trevor doesn't come free and, to earn the money she'll need to keep doing it, she begins to perform her bullets and bracelets routine for a living, not realising her naughty promoter's stealing all the profits!

Next, master of every field of human activity, Terry Sloane adopts the not-at-all self-satisfied identity of Mr Terrific in order to escape boredom. But he soon finds a better purpose in life. One that involves fighting crime!

Then, the ghost of an 18th Century earl possesses the newly-deceased body of Charles Collins, so he can be near the reincarnation of his lost love.

Next, First World War American ace Gunner Godbee and his buddy Nick encounter two German Heinkel aircraft.

Then, Tommy Rogers, Tubby and Toughy rescue a grocer who's been kidnapped by gangsters.

Finally, and more memorably, boxer Ted Grant kills the former champ in the ring and adopts the guise of Wildcat in order to clear his name.

Needless to say, all these adventures are reprinted from the pages of 1942's Sensation Comics #1.

It's another tale you'll never forget when the Phantom Stranger investigates the case of a man who never dies and is willing to kill whoever it takes, in order to preserve his secret.

Why he needs to keep it secret, I don't know. As far as I'm aware, there's no law against not dying.

And this issue's backup thriller is called The Crime of the Black Orchid.

From that title, I'm going to assume it's the Nestor Redondo drawn tale in which a young man and woman frame our enigmatic heroine for a string of robberies she hasn't committed.

Needless to say, it's not long before our mistress of mystery brings them to justice, thanks to her spectacular strength and extensive collection of rubber masks.

I don't have a clue what happens in this one but it's drawn by Mike Kaluta and features both the Shadow and a ninja. This all sounds like a winning formula to me.

Since the dawn of time, all intelligent humans have asked one question. "Who would win a fight between Superman and Popeye?"

Fortunately, we don't need to ask that question as it's already been answered in a previous issue when the man of steel encountered Captain Strong, the sailor who becomes incredibly powerful when he starts chewing on seaweed.

But, now, we need to know who'd win a fight between Superman and Bluto.

And we get our answer, this very month, when Kal-El encounters a brutish, bearded foe who turns out to be an alien stranded on Earth and transformed, for the worse, by his exposure to that aforementioned seaweed. Clearly, the only message we can glean from this tale is to stay away from the weed.

Needless to say, our hero defeats his foe and, having restored him to his normal amiable self, gets his spaceship working for him, so he can, at last, return home.

But I do detect there's even more because I do believe this issue's backup tale features the Atom encountering a villainous scientist who only exists in two dimensions. One who is shrinking with every day that passes!

I think this tale may have I introduced my ten-year-old self to the phrase, "Solar plexus." Yet again, comics prove to be a vital source of erudition and education.