2000 AD - December 1986.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

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It's 1986 and Christmas is well and truly on its way.

But what if we've been bad?

What if, when he gets here, Santa decides that, instead of rewarding us, he's going to punish us? That sack of his looks easily big enough to accommodate us all. And it seems to be inescapable.

There's only one thing for it.

We'll have to take refuge in our local picture house. He'll never find us there.

But just what's on offer in that picture house?

Among other things, what's on offer are Heartbreak Ridge, The Golden Child, Three Amigos, King Kong Lives, Little Shop of Horrors and Platoon.

Impressively, the only one of those films I've ever seen is King Kong Lives.

And I've seen it three times.

And, having seen it those three times, there's absolutely no way I'm ever going to believe it's even possible for it to be the film of any month, let alone this one.

Other opinions are, of course, available.

But what of the musical exploits of the human race?

For the UK singles chart, December kicked off with Europe's The Final Countdown on top before it was deposed by the Housemartins' Caravan of Love.

But then, with just two weeks to go before the end of the year, and thanks to a legendary but nightmarish claymation video, Jackie Wilson's Reet Petite snatched the throne, to claim that year's Christmas Number One slot for its very own.

No such bubbling, frothing and churning on the accompanying UK album chart, because Now That's What I Call Music! 8 spent the entirety of that month at Number One.

And what of the galaxy's greatest comic? What was it up to as Rudolph prepared to power up the dynamo on his shiny nose?

The big news was that it hit its 500th issue. And how many comics can make that boast? Certainly not any of the ones that had merged with it over the years before being totally subsumed by it.

And, to celebrate such glad tidings; that month, the mag was feeding us a diet of Sláine, Sooner or Later, Strontium Dog, Judge Dredd, Rogue Trooper, Nemesis, Tharg's Future-Shocks, something called Tharg's Head Revisited, and Bad Company.

Sadly, there seems to have been no return for the likes of Shako, Bill Savage, Dan Dare, MACH 1 or the Harlem Heroes to mark the occasion.