August 16th, 1975 - Marvel UK, 50 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

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I'll tell you who was happy, this week in 1975.

The Stylistics.

And why wouldn't they be? Not only did they ascend to the top of the UK singles chart, with their smash hit 45 I Can't Give You Anything (But My Love), they also seized the pinnacle of the corresponding album rankings, thanks to their LP The Best of The Stylistics!

Can Marvel UK even hope to rival that level of awesomeness?

Here's where we found out.

Can it be? Is the Green Goblin going to suffer death by strangulation at the hands of Spider-Man, as that cover implies?

More importantly, can Harry Osborn survive the bucketful off tablets he's crammed inside himself in a bid to deal with MJ's treatment of him?

I do believe history may be being made in the pages of Iron Man, as this may be the week in which SHIELD's greatest-ever agent Jasper Sitwell makes his knee-trembling first appearance in the strip.

In other news, that tale also sees the return of the Grey Gargoyle who's out to cause chaos at Tony Stark's factory.

And, to wrap it all up, Thor's about to get himself a dose of Galactus' origin!

Thanks to the Avengers, Conan hits the 100th issue landmark his own mag could only have dreamt of.

And I do believe he celebrates the feat by having a fight with a giant killer toad-monster near a pair of black monoliths.

In more modern times, the Avengers are in their mansion and having a one-sided scrap with Ultron who the conflicted Vision has rebuilt from indestructible metal!

And I do suspect Shang-Chi's having to tackle a gang of hungry panthers while armed with nothing deadlier than a stone ear he's grabbed off a statue.

I do believe the Defenders are still attempting to prevent the Dread Dormammu from breaking through the barrier that separates his dimension from Tom Fagan's Halloween parties!

It can only mean it's time for guest appearances by various members of Marvel's creative staff, including Roy and Jeannie Thomas!

And things are looking bad for Daredevil. Not only is he accused of killing the Jester's real-life alter-ego but the villain himself then helps the police arrest him for the murder!

And it all goes wrong for the Fantastic Four when Reed Richards decides to recruit a world-renowned scientist to help him cure the Thing.

But that scientist isn't so renowned that Reed is capable of spotting that he's actually the Mad Thinker in disguise!

I do wonder if wooden bullets would survive being fired from a gun.

It's like all those murder mysteries where someone's been shot and the cops can't find the bullet and then it turns out it's because the bullet was made of ice and melted in the wound. Could a bullet made of ice actually survive being blasted from a gun?

Only Steve Does Comics asks these questions because only Steve Does Comics doesn't have a clue.

More to the point, Drac has serious problems to deal with, thanks to him having been captured by the brain in a jar that is Dr Sun!

Jack Russell, meanwhile, must survive the attentions of a moving statue that's been sent to capture him.

And the Living Mummy is doing something or other.

Beneath the Planet of the Apes hurtles towards its fatalistic conclusion and I deduce, from that cover, that this is the issue in which Taylor and Brent are made to fight each other, to the death, by their mind-controlling mutant captors.

I do have to say I'm more impressed by the mutants in this comic than I am by the ones in the movie. The ones in the movie look barely mutated, while these ones really do look like people who've just pulled their faces off.

We then encounter an article called Finding the Future on the Fox Ranch which reports on the multi-faceted production of Beneath.

And it's bad news for Captain Marvel because not only is Yon-Rogg still trying to steal his girlfriend, the sinister Sentry's sprung back to life on the military base where the Kree warrior's landed himself a job by pretending to be dead rocket scientist Walt Lawson!

The cover creates the impression that the Silver Surfer's, "Deadliest battle ever!" involves him tangling with both Doc Savage and the X-Men.

I can officially confirm he's battling with neither of them when you open the comic.

On the other hand, I suspect the hapless Shalla-Bal manages to get herself shot and has to be sent back to Zenn-La, by the Surfer, giving him, no doubt, much excuse to stand on the front of his surfboard and float around bemoaning his lot in life.

Doc Savage, meanwhile, is still encountering The Doom on Thunder Isle!

And the X-Men are still in the Savage Land and having their first encounter with a man called Ka-Zar.

Apparently, this issue tells us how to actually pronounce his name.

But what's this? 

It took me the first 40 years of my life to learn to call him Kay-Zah instead of Kuh-ZAH.

Now it turns out I have to pronounce it, Kay-Sar!