March 16th, 1974 - Marvel UK, 50 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

As I stand haughtily atop the tallest buildings South Yorkshire can offer, and observe the witless follies of personkind, people often ask me, "Stevie-Pops, what was the first single you ever bought?"

And I can sensationally reveal the answer is one that could cause even the gods themselves to crumble.

Because that record was no less than Billy Don't Be a Hero by Nottingham's finest Paper Lace.

Such was that record's impact upon me that, even to this day, I refuse to be a hero.

And I like to feel my act of buying that record is what helped propel it to Number One on the UK singles chart exactly fifty years ago this week.

One band, however who've never known the joy of me buying one of their singles is the Carpenters.

Not that they needed care, seeing as how their greatest hits package was still reigning supreme on the UK album chart.

The world can only tremble, as the Hulk joins forces with Maximus the Mad in order to swat Thunderbolt Ross's planes like flies.

Still, fear ye not, Humanity. I'm sure it won't be long before the jade Juggernaut recognises his mistake and turns against his new allies.

Elsewhere, the man without fear's trying to stop the Sub-Mariner's wrecking spree in the streets of New York.

You might think our hero must stand no chance against such power-packed opposition but you've not reckoned with his face. His face that has developed the tactic of repeatedly smashing itself into Subby's fists until the Atlantean's forced to get bored and go home.

It's a novel strategy but it might just work 

And, finally this issue, the Fantastic Four conclude their latest clash with Diablo by watching him and Dragon Man crash through ice and disappear beneath the waters of a lake we can only assume to be bottomless.

I do believe this tale concludes with Reed and Sue taking a trip up ESU's Lover's Lane, where they finally decide to tie the knot.

Let's face it, it's probably easy for Sue to tie a knot with Reed, what with him being made of elastic.

Those who often despair at my inability to recall what Dr Strange is up to in this comic need not despair about that, this week.

Instead, they need despair at the fact I can't recall what the Avengers are up to.

I do know the Swordsman, Power Man and Black Widow are involved. And I have a nagging feeling a scientist with a new invention may also feature.

Judging by that cover, it seems the villains have decided to give themselves the moniker of, "The  Terrible Trio," and I'm sure their next clash with the Avengers will reveal just how terrible they truly are.

"But what of Dr Strange?" I hear you ask.

Indeed. That's what I ask too.

Sadly, when I ask myself, I get no answer.

I am going to assume, though, that Eternity, Baron Mordo and Dormammu are involved.

It's a sight that does my soul good, as Mary Jane Watson gets to dance on the front cover.

Sadly, things aren't working out so happily for her inside the book, as it turns out her brand new job, taking customers' photos at a club, is really a front for one of those brainwashing organisations that are becoming such a nuisance these days.

Apparently, Spider-Man also does stuff, this issue but I only read his comic to see what Mary Jane's up to.

After that, we're supplied with a one-page feature called A Day at the Daily Bugle created and presented by the dynamite team of Lee, Lieber and Romita.

Deep below the Earth's surface, Tony Stark's been kidnapped by Kala queen of a buried kingdom.

Sadly, her plans to conquer our realm collapse when it turns out she can't visit the surface world without ageing dramatically.

Far too busy scrapping to worry about any of that are Thor and Hercules who're still tussling over the heart of Jane Foster.

However, it's not good news for the thunder god, as useless plonker Odin decides it's a great time to halve his son's superpowers, causing that son to right royally lose to his opponent.

And, to compound it all, Odin decides to give his own superpowers to the not-at-all trustworthy Seidring.

We conclude with a two-page feature which reveals just what Spider-Man would look like if drawn by artists belonging to other publishers.

The Marvel Lucky Bag - March 1984.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

A veritable smorgasbord of celluloid greeted those who attended the picture houses of the world in March 1984.

It was, it turns out, a month which saw the release of such never-to-be-forgottens as Romancing the Stone, Greystoke, Police Academy, Splash, The Hotel New Hampshire, Children of the Corn, Against All Odds, Repo Man and This is Spinal Tap.

I would say the last of those movies stands out to me as being the one that stands out to me but other offerings may stand out for others. Film appreciation being, as it is, a subjective matter.

A brand new comic hits our spinner racks, selling tales that are, admittedly, not of the newly-minted variety.

However, thanks to this mag, we can read reprints of occult action sourced from Strange Tales #130-132.

This is, of course, the run of Dr Strange stories in which Dormammu increases Baron Mordo's powers, leading to a quest to discover the secret of Eternity.

Regular readers will know that I have no need of this book, as I have an eerily photographic recall of Dr Strange stories from this era.

I think we've all been desperate for a new Hercules comic, following the awesomeness of his previous solo outings.

Sad to say, I possess little knowledge of this book but a little bird has whispered in my ear that it all kicks off when Zeus starts killing the other gods.

In fairness, from what I can remember of Greek mythology, that does seem like a fairly Zeus thing to do.

He'll probably eat a few of them, while he's at it.

Time and again I find myself drawn to the Micronauts in this feature.

Admittedly, it's usually down to the covers - and this one's no exception, even if I don't really know what's going on on it.

Inside, we get a 45-page epic by creator of that cover Butch Guice and writer Bill Mantlo. That epic is titled The World of Never-Summer! and that's all I know of it.

Do I spot a team-up with Dr Strange?

Potentially.

All I know about this issue is the master of mystic arts is, indeed, contained within.

But is he there as friend or foe?

It's not easy to tell from that cover but the star of this month's issue is the Black Widow who's got it all on her plate when Damon Dran sends out a lookalike to take her place.

Can our heroine alert SHIELD before it's too late?

We also get a tale of the Warriors Three in which someone called Idunn asks the Asgardian adventurers to locate her husband Bragi.

I admit it. I picked this one purely because of the weirdness of the cover.

I couldn't really pick it because of what happens inside it because I don't know what happens inside it, other than the involvement of the characters displayed right here.

It's another reprint book, as we're allowed to, once more, read the saga from Spectacular Spider-Man #27-28 in which Daredevil helps the blind wall-crawler tackle the Masked Marauder who's threatening to annihilate the whole city!

The man who Britons know as Action Man has to leap into peril when Storm Shadow captures Scarlett and brings her to Destro's Castle, as a present for Cobra Commander.

During the rescue, we discover she's related to Snake-Eyes, based on both of them having the same tattoo.

I may be imagining things but I'm sure that's exactly the same plot as appeared the last time I covered a GI Joe comic in this slot.

But forget all that! This is what we came here for!

The 1980s arrive with a vengeance as TV's hottest team gets its own Marvel mag! And I pity the fool who doesn't buy it!

After all that hype, I must confess I know nothing of what happens in this one but I do know it's brought to us by Jim Salicrup and Marie Severin.

Forty years ago today - March 1984.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Can it be the time, yet again, to find out what Marvel's big hitters were up to in comics which bore a cover date of exactly forty years ago?

Too right it can!

It's the team-up some said could - and should - never happen. The Mole Man combines his forces with the Thing and Human Torch to thwart Neal Adams' eccentric plan to heat up the Earth's core in order to make the world grow bigger.

But, to do that, they're going to have to get past Neal's deadly army of androids!

When Mr Hyde, yet again, decides to inflict revenge upon the Cobra for "betraying" him, it's up to Spider-Man to prevent the transmogrifying terror achieving his goal.

But just how easy can that be when the Black Cat's attempts to assist our hero only succeed in hampering him?

It's bad news for everyone when cut-price Tarzan clone Micah Synn's back in town and as charmless as ever.

However, the good news is he might not be around for long because his aristocratic family in England wants rid of its black sheep - and have even gone so far as to hire a daft hitman called Crossbow to eradicate him from their bloodline.

Most people would probably leave him to it. But not Daredevil. He has principles of the kind that people like me lack.

One day, while blundering around in his usual style, Conan decides to stop off at a mansion, looking to get out of the rain.

Sadly, its owner's as unreliable as everyone else the barbarian ever meets and tries to feed Conan to his monstrous, flesh-eating brother.

I would accuse this tale of being influenced by the Jim Starlin Hulk story that featured a people-eating brother but this one's written by Michael Fleisher whose work for Atlas Comics adequately revealed his love for all things cannibalistic.

Now that Thor no longer has access to his Don Blake persona, the thunder god gets SHIELD to fix him up with a brand new secret identity. That of Sigurd Jarlson who looks like Thor, sounds like Thor and even has a Scandinavian name. So, that's guaranteed to fool everyone, then.

Not that he manages to maintain a pretence of normalcy for long because, no sooner has he applied for a job on a construction site, than stroppy dragon Fafnir shows up, looking to plant one on him.

There can't be many people who were desperately hoping the Tumbler would make a comeback.

And he doesn't.

Because he's dead.

His brother, however, is after the insurance money and, once he adopts the Tumbler's mantle and teams up with Cap, the pair unearth a life insurance scam that's been ripping-off the nation's super-villains for years.

Who can the mystery, ringed wrongdoer on the cover be? Who!

Blow me down with a feather if it's not the Mandarin and, as so often in the past, he's out to avenge himself for his many defeats at the hands of Iron Man.

However, he's totally unaware that he's up against a brand new Shellhead who still hasn't fully got the hang of his armour yet.

As far as I can remember, Morgan le Fay's trying to enter our universe by possessing the comatose body of Spider-Woman.

Needless to say, the Avengers aren't going to let that happen.

And neither are Dr Strange and the Shroud.

With all that lot against her, you might think it's a hopeless cause for the sinister sorceress but she didn't get where she is today by not being an optimist.

Admittedly, where she is today is trapped in a barren dimension in the middle of nowhere. So, it just shows where positive thinking gets you.

And that's the Steve Does Comics Tip of the Week. Never be positive.

Also, never get married.

At least, not if the wedding's going to be held in a sewer.

It's all getting unsavoury beneath the streets of New York when Callisto and the Morlocks try to hold Kitty to her promise to marry Caliban.

As you'd expect, the mighty X-Men set out to put a stop to that kind of thing but, to their astonishment, Kitty insists on honouring her commitment.

It's a storyline you can't help feeling one should draw a veil over.

In more ways than one 

With his spider-sense out of commission, and the victims of Hobgoblin's blackmail in no mood to help him, the web-slinger decides to use technological means to track down the villain.

But has Hobby discovered the truth about our hero's true identity, among Norman Osborn's documents?

Upon returning to the United States, following his trip to Mexico, Bruce Banner's rudely interrupted by someone trying to murder him.

After all these years of being the Hulk, you'd have thought he'd be used to it, by now. But, this time, it's different. The would-be killer's a man whose entire home town was destroyed by the Hulk.

Not only does Bruce try to get all charges against the man dropped, he also single-handedly rebuilds the town for him.

Isn't that lovely? How nice to finish the post with a happy ending.

You see, Michael Fleisher? It doesn't all have to be nastiness. 😀

March 9th, 1974 - Marvel UK, 50 years ago this week.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

I only know Howard Keel for three things.

The first is being in Dynasty.

The second is singing Bless Yore Beautiful Hide - although I've no idea just whose beautiful hide he was blessing or whether he even was a legally ordained minister with the power to bless beautiful hides.

And the third is him being terrorised by giant plants that want to eat him.

And guess what? March 9th, 1974 was the night on which I first encountered the third of those events because it was on that very evening that BBC One broadcast the film the world can only know as The Day of the Triffids.

What with the channel having, earlier, broadcast the Doctor Who adventure Death to the Daleks, there was clearly, that evening, no shortage of things to keep us gripping our chair arms in sheer, white-knuckled, fear.

By strange coincidence, the first ever Doctor Who companion Carole Ann Ford was also in Day of the Triffids and was, as far as I can remember, machine-gunned to death, while being menaced by vegetables.

At least, her character was. I'm fairly sure the actress herself is still alive and well and that no performers were machine-gunned to death during the making of that film.

In the real world, the week saw Conservative Prime Minister Edward Heath resign, succeeded by Labour's Harold Wilson who'd already run the UK from 1964 to 1970 and fancied another crack at it.

Within days of that, the miners' strike was over.

And, the day after that, the Three-Day Week was over.

That was good news for all who loved coal and full-length weeks but it was also a good spell for Alvin Stardust because, over on the UK singles chart, his latest offering Jealous Mind hit the top spot.

Meanwhile, on the British album chart, the Carpenters' Singles 1969-1973 reclaimed the summit it had previously surrendered to Slade's Old New Borrowed and Blue.

Obviously, any sane man loves anything which bears Alvin Stardust's name but there were other singles on that chart and, of those, these are the ones I dug:

Devil Gate Drive - Suzi Quatro

The Air That I Breathe - the Hollies

Jet - Paul McCartney and Wings

Candle in the Wind - Elton John

The Man Who Sold the World - Lulu

After the Goldrush - Prelude

Dance With the Devil - Cozy Powell

My Coo-Ca-Choo - Alvin Stardust

Living for the City - Stevie Wonder

Teenage Rampage - the Sweet

Ma-Ma-Belle - Electric Light Orchestra

and

The Show Must Go On - Leo Sayer.

Should one wish to further investigate the issues raised in this post, that week's UK singles chart lives here.

And the accompanying LP chart dwells within.

Can it be?

Can Marvel's tallest hero be back in the fold?

Yes, he can.

And it's just as well. For, it seems a brand new villain's about to make his debut.

That villain is the Collector and I do believe he's dragged the team into things by trying to add the winsome Wasp to his menagerie.

But can Hank and the gang stop him without putting a strain on the hero that will cause him to stay stuck forever at giant size?

Elsewhere, Dr Strange wants to know the secret of Eternity and decides that some sort of mind meld with the Ancient One should do the trick.

However, Baron Mordo seems to have plans that may just scupper the whole thing.

From what I can remember, this is the issue in which Peter Parker visits the police - including Captain Stacy - and clears Spider-Man of having kidnapped him. 

Far more important, of course, is that Mary Jane gets a job comprised of dancing on tables and taking photos.

It can mean just one thing. 

That we're about to meet the schemings of a man the world would know only as the Brainwasher if it had ever heard of him.

Things get possibly subterranean for Iron Man when Tony Stark and colleagues find themselves pulled into an underground city, to be confronted by its queen who tells him she'll execute them all unless he builds a machine which will allow her to invade the surface world.

Meanwhile, above ground, Thor and Hercules are scrapping in the streets of New York, for the attention of Jane Foster.

But what's this? I do believe this issue also contains a full-page ad for the imminent arrival of a brand-new star in the Avengers' comic! Who can he be? And what can be his gimmick?

Somewhere in Central America, the Hulk's still caught in the crossfire between Thunderbolt Ross and the Evil Inhumans.

In the pages of Daredevil, the Sub-Mariner shows up at Franklin and Murdock's legal practice, looking to sue the entire human race.

When that plan falls through, he decides to earn himself his day in court by getting arrested for smashing up New York.

This can only bring him into conflict with the man without fear who turns out to be the man without a hope, as Subby promptly batters him from pillar to post.

And we finish off with one of my Fantastic Four faves, as Diablo escapes his dungeon and decides the best way to take over the world is by unleashing a man-made dragon upon the denizens of Empire State University.

The Marvel Lucky Bag - March 1974.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

March 1974 wasn't a great month for movies but it did see the release of three films few could ever forget. They were John Carpenter's Dark Star, The Great Gatsby and the equally great Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla.

Of those three, I would have to select the first as my Steve Does Comics Pick of the Month. After all, it's not every film that has a killer beachball in it, and I can't help feeling the other two would have been greatly enlivened by the addition of one.

The post-apocalyptic antagonism continues when the Martians capture Killraven, looking to achieve a propaganda coup by broadcasting his death to every human slave, thus destroying their will to resist.

That's assuming they have any will to resist, which isn't a thing I can remember their human slaves ever displaying.

I do believe this is the first issue to feature the deadly menace of the High Overlord.

It's like a horror fan's dream come true, as we finally get an answer to the age-old question of who'd win a fight between Dracula and Frankenstein's Monster.

And, to the surprise of some of us, it would appear the Monster would!

However, while he's successful in giving Drac a great big stake through the heart, the downside is he also has to destroy someone called Carmen, thanks to his foe having turned her into a vampire.

In this month's backup strip, we find Seeing Eye, a yarn reprinted from Uncanny Tales #22 in which a crook hatches a plan to steal a wealthy man's guide dog in exchange for a ransom.

But, wouldn't you know it? That guide dog only turns out to be a retired werewolf!

The Son of Satan takes a break from pestering his dad, in order to pester a haunted university.

But it turns out it's no ghost that's causing the trouble. It's the ice-demon Ikthon. Can a man powered by Hellfire survive in a land that knows only numbing cold?

Issue #4 of the magazine that will not die kicks off with The Law and Phillip Bliss! (Part 1) wherein someone called Katanya tries to kill the Zombie and throw him in the sea.

Next, we get James Bond Meets Baron Samedi, as brought to us by the talents of Don McGregor and Pablo Marcos. I've not read it but, given its subject matter, I'm going to assume it ties in with the events of Live and Let Die.

Then there's such fare as The Drums of Doom!, Neo Witch Craft, Courtship by Voodoo, Nightfilth Rising and The Four Daughters of Satan before we return to our main feature with Dead Man's Judgment! The Law and Phillip Bliss -- Part II.

Marvel's making Dracula earn his pay, this month. Not only does he have to fight Frankenstein's Monster, he also has to tussle with Russell.

In this terrifying yarn, we learn how Baron Russoff became a Werewolf and brought the curse of lycanthropy down upon his family.

This all, ultimately, leads to Drac attacking Jack and Topaz in an attempt to retrieve a mystic tome that once belonged to the Baron.

And if we want to know how we reached the events of the book above, all we have to do is read this book.

In it, Jack and Topaz visit Transylvania to investigate Jack's past and, inevitably, that leads to them entering Castle Dracula...

Someone at Marvel's clearly decided we can't have too many crossovers, this month. And so it is that the Sub-Mariner must battle Spider-Man in an epic clash that...

...lasts for about three panels before both parties lose interest in fighting and go their separate ways.

Given that the title is mere issues away from cancellation, I can only assume Spidey was added purely to provide a boost to sales.

In reality, the main thrust of the story deals with Subby having a rematch with the man called Force.

There are also further developments in the drama of Zephyrland. Developments which, if I remember rightly, lead to Dr Strange being called in to help liberate the beleaguered kingdom.

I do love a good monster comic, and the comic that loves monsters even more than I do tells us what happens when nuclear tests performed by a captive scientist awaken the ancient dragon Grogg.

However, it turns out, the scientist knew Grogg existed and disturbed him on purpose in order to create a distraction that would allow him to escape.

In this issue's second tale, explorers land on an alien planet, only to be attacked by monstrous animals.

Finally, thinking it seems like a good idea, they kill the biggest monster of the lot.

Only to discover it was really a robot that had been put there to hold the other animals in check.

And, now, those other animals are completely out of control!

Fifty years ago today - March 1974.

Thanks to Charlie Horse 47 and Killdumpster for their sponsorship of this post, via the magic of Patreon. 

***

Legion are the men who've claimed to be able to foresee the future but only Steve Does Comics can foresee the past.

It's a case of fully mind the bullocks, as Taurus captures the Avengers in the least likely trap of all time - a shed with space travel capabilities.

And, at last, we discover the answer to the mystery that's been haunting us all for months, when we discover that Taurus is, in fact, Cornelius Van Lunt!

From what I can gather, Conan returns to Aghrapur and saves King Yildiz from a golem made of stone.

It's a jam-packed comic, this month.

Not only is Cap busted out of prison by the unfortunately-named Sanitation Unit but the Falcon and Panther rescue Leila from Stoneface!

Then Falc finds out about Cap's murder charge - just in time for Moonstone to show up and give them both a bashing!

This can't be good news. Foggy Nelson's been shot while investigating something called the Black Spectre!

Needless to say, DD abandons wherever it is he is and returns to New York to do something about it.

Moondragon, meanwhile, says farewell to our hero and departs for the stars.

It's easy to knock her but there's not many women who can say goodbye to a man and then depart for the stars.

I've no recollection of what happens in this one but I do know Darkoth the Death Demon's in it.

Judging by that cover, it would seem someone called the Seeker's also in it.

Based on his appearance, I'm assuming he's not the Seeker who showed up, in pursuit of the Inhumans, in Fantastic Four #46 but is, instead, a new Seeker.

The Cobalt Man makes his return and celebrates it by going completely mad.

Not to fear. If there's anyone can punch some sanity into a man, it's the Hulk.

I would love to know, though, just why the decision was made by Marvel to replace his Iron Man style armour with what looks suspiciously like an American footballer's outfit.

The world's most block-headed villain makes his debut - and he's in league with the Jackal!

More importantly, this is the issue in which the Spider-Mobile makes its block-headed debut.

And so cool is it that it doesn't need to be in league with anyone.

I don't think I've ever read this one but my razor-sharp senses tell me Hercules is back.

That's Marvel's output dealt with but we should never forget that, somewhere across New York, lurks the base of its deadliest enemy. An enemy that just loves to churn out comic books.

And what shall we find in a random sampling of DC's offerings which bear that month's date upon them?

When a scientist somehow gets a magic eye implanted in the middle of his forehead, he sets out to do good deeds in exchange for the adoration of the public.

But it soon turns out there's a price to pay for such a power.

And, unless Superman can put a stop to that man's relentless do-gooding, it's the planet Earth that'll have to pay it.

But that's not all. In the book's second tale, Superman loses his sight, until he realises his condition's purely psychosomatic and connected to a commitment he's made to entertain a group of blind children.

Can it be? The caped crusader? And the clown prince of crime? In league with each other? And at odds with Gotham City's finest custodians of justice?

Too right it can.

Or I assume it can, as I'm not totally sure I've read this tale or how such an unholy alliance can have come to be.

Luis Dominguez gives us, surely, the most disturbing Phantom Stranger cover ever, as the trilby-toting tormentor of night-dark souls encounters The Devil Dolls of Dr. Z!

While, in the backup strip, the Spawn of Frankenstein would appear to be up against a snake god!

You can say what you like about Prez but it's a comic whose covers know how to make me grab it from a spinner rack.

In a dark remake of The Mouse That Roared, the United States accidentally finds itself at war with Transylvania.

And that means the nation's first teenage president's going to have to survive an encounter with Dracula.

But a very different version of that fiend to the one we're used to.

I can remember little of this issue but I know we get two adventures; one which bears the title The Golden Women and the White Star and one which carries the name The Shrinking Formula.

I do recall that, in the latter tale, our heroine must defeat a villain while being no bigger than an ant.

Needless to say, she's still more than up to the task.