England and Scotland have just kicked off against each other in the 2019 Women's World Cup. Has there ever been a more titanic clash in the history of humanity?
Yes there has. In fact, there've been ten.
Where are they?
Contained within the comics that live directly below these words.
It's the fight we've all be crying out for, as Conan, Bêlit and their piratical colleagues take on a bunch of man-crabs.
Needless to say, our heroes are triumphant, despite the man-crabs being psychic.
A Steve Does Comics No-Prize goes to the first person who can guess the blindingly obvious way in which Conan manages to defeat a great big horde of crabs.
Iron Man's having problems with his armour - and the Melter, Whiplash and Blizzard are just the type to take advantage.
The Carrion Saga reaches its awesome conclusion, as the cadaverous clone sets a giant amoeba on Spider-Man.
But it's no ordinary giant amoeba. It's a giant amoeba which is also, technically, Spider-Man's clone and, therefore, has all of his powers!
Thor hangs around in the Andes, trying to find answers about what's going on with the Celestials.
This leads to him having a fight with an Eternal, a SHIELD agent and a Deviant. You have to give it to Thor, he knows how to make friends and influence people.
In a shocking twist, he reveals his secret identity to that old archaeologist with the beard, the one who's trapped inside the Celestials' dome.
Can it be that he's now decided he has no need for his Don Blake persona?
Colossus may get the cover but the focus is on Storm who hangs around in Harlem, for reasons I can't remember, and has a punch-up with a bunch of junkies.
I believe this is also the issue in which Jean Grey first meets Jason Wyngarde.
We're all doomed! Dr Faustus has brainwashed Captain America and turned him into a Nazi!
Fortunately, Daredevil's on hand to snap him out of it.
Cap's not the only one who's been brainwashed by a beardy villain, because the Human Torch has suffered the same fate.
In this case, it's Spider-Man's turn to snap him out of it, so they can thwart the schemings of the Monocle who's been getting students at his, "Exclusive," college to steal things for him.
Machine Man battles the Hulk, in order to stop the green grappler from getting to some bloke he thinks has kidnapped some other bloke.
The robot puts up a remarkably good fight against a foe who you'd think would need no more than three seconds to completely destroy him.
The Absorbing Man wants to flee the country so he can enjoy the good life in Central America.
There's only one problem. The Avengers just don't want to let him go.
The Fly's back.
That's all I can remember about the tale.
I can't remember anything about any of his other appearances either.
Admittedly, that's not strictly true. I do remember the appearance in which Spidey defeats him with a Hostess Cup Cake.
His only memorable outing being a cup cake ad. That's how great a villain the Fly is.
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14 comments:
I'm going for the No-Prize, Steve, as I had all the books on this post, but only vaguely remember most of them...
He hacked them to bits!
Then perhaps he, Belit & the pirates boiled the bits, found some Hyborian cream cheese to make crab-dip to go with their hardtac.
Funny how crab-creatures acquire mental powers. In Roger Corman's Attack of the Crab-Monsters film, the giant crabs would have the intelligence of any human they consumed, and would be able to telepathically talk in their victim's voice. Great grade-B fun.
KD, I can give you half a No-Prize, as he didn't hack them to bits but he did boil them to death. I can't remember if he then took the trouble to eat them but I wouldn't be surprised if he did.
Look at Bêlit. Strong and powerful. What a supporting character I bet she is around for at least another 10 years.
I was going to say he boiled the crabs after taping up their claws with parcel tape. But that's too close to what KD is suggesting. Instead, my guess is going to be the Anti-Crab-Repellant-Batspray.
I just checked out the ASM issue. There's a surprising amount of stuff going on, although the writer doesn't get me as excited as Stan used to. Ned Leeds punches Pete out for whatever he's been doing to Betty. JJ is hostile and ratty with Pete which we're supposed to think is because he looked under Spider-Man's mask in the last issue but which turns out in about 20 issues' time to be due to a hate ray pointed at him from the opposite building. We get a first look at Doctor Ludwig Rheinhardt (hmmm......) at Aunt May's nursing home. And the suspicious guy who's been looking under the floorboards of Aunt May's house is confirmed as The Burglar.
And is that FF issue the one that's often cited as one of the worst ever? I've never read the story but there's one where nobody on the team bats an eyelid as the monocle plunges to his death from a skyscraper. And where the plunge isn't illustrated - instead one of the FF provides a bit of commentary.
I don't think it's that issue of the FF, Dangermash. I do remember him plunging from the sky in his first appearance. Clearly, he was a character who should have done everything he could to avoid heights.
As for Conan, there's a bunch of geysers that spew out boiling water, in the man-crabs' cave. Needless to say, Conan lures them onto the geysers and it's goodnight Vienna for the criminal crustaceans.
Aggy, yep. I wouldn't be surprised if she's still in the comic, even nowadays.
Of course Storm was in Harlem Steve - when not fighting supervillains where else would a black Marvel character be when they were in New York?
And while they were there what else would they do but be hassled by dodgy muggers/junkies?
I seem to recall Luke Cage and Misty Knight - who shared a flat with Jean Grey, because Byrne and Claremont had also been working on Iron Fist and Power Man - turned up in that story, so that probably explained it somehow.
-sean
Well, I guess I'll have to be happy with 1/2 of a Steve's No-Prize. Hopefully there's no expiration date on it, so I maybe able to earn another half of nothing in the future.
Anytime a bunch of villains team-up to take on a hero where, when they fought him/her individually they should have had their clocks cleaned, was a bonus. That Iron Man issue fit the bill.
After the Jackyl storyline got wrapped up, the whole Carrion thing got very tiresome to me.
The introduction of the Elementals into the "main" Marvel universe was annoying.
By the way, guys, if you care, the Eternals movie in the next phase of the MCU will have Keanu Reeves co-starring.
"Awesome, dude! Celestials are most excellent!! NOT!!" (Guffawing while playing air-guitar.)
A quick bit of research reveals the Monocle to die in this issue of FF but that the issue I was thinking of was FF#95 where the Thing apparently catches the Monocle when he falls but where, if anything, the artwork and writing suggests that he lands on the pavement.
So, Steve, you're quite right. A dangermash no-prize I started on its way to you.
And, on a separate note, I always breathe a sigh of relief when the robot checker asks me which pictures have crosswalks or bridges in them. Buses and traffic lights are a nightmare and I never get them right.
My memory of most of these books is shaky, but that Avengers story was great! Alas, (spoiler alert) the unfortunate Crusher Creel ends up 'absorbing' the seawater and kind of dissipates. All because those pesky Avengers wouldn't let him open a beachfront pub somewhere warm...
I remember him suffering the same fate in a Thor story as well. I think that, this time, he does it on purpose because he's fed up of fighting and he just sort of gives up on everything. Poor Absorby. :(
Sean, tomorrow's post reveals the shocking truth as to why Luke Cage shows up in that X-Men comic.
Dangermash, the ones that stress me out are the ones where you have to click on street signs. I never know if I'm just supposed to just click on the sign itself or if I'm meant to click on the post it's attached to, as well.
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