Monday, 30 January 2012

Clothes Maketh the Man.

As I roam the streets of Sheffield, people say to me, "Steve, with your trilby, string vest, purple loon-pants and Clarks Wayfinders, you're a man who knows how to dress well. Not only that but, with your Clarks Wayfinders on, you need never fear getting lost - nor not being able to identify small woodland creatures you encounter. But, if you had to walk around dressed as a super-hero, which one would it be?"

Well, I think I can safely say you should never ever wear anything Killraven would - unless you want to look like a 1970s' sci-fi porn star....

Amazing Adventures #18, Killraven makes his debut, stands there holding a sword and looking like an angry 1970s sci-fi porn star, as drawn by John Romita, War of the Worlds

... and not in a good way.

But, on the issue of what one should wear? Well, I've always had a liking for boots that turn down at the top, in the style of Captain America and Conan.

Then again, I've always been fascinated by Batman's gloves with the bendy spikes sticking out of them.

Iron Man's armour'd make me feel safe from the threat of flying bullets and give me the impunity to become as totally evil as I seek to be. But I can't help feeling it must be a bit claustrophobic in there and, looking at that mask, he must only be able to see things that're directly in front of him.

There's no way I'd choose a cape, as that'd be ostentatious - and a threat to life and limb if I tried to use a revolving door whilst wearing one.

The Fantastic Four's togs always looked too much like overalls for my liking.

Let's face it, the Hulk's purple trousers aren't a costume. They're just purple trousers.

So, in the end, I think I'm going to have to go for The Flash's outfit. Not only does it have little wings on it and lightning bolts to signify the dynamism that's rightfully mine but it's also my favourite colour - red. On top of that, it cunningly conceals itself inside a ring.

Rings are indisputably a good thing. Just ask the Mandarin.

And that's why, if forced to spend the rest of my days in Spandex, it's the costume of The Flash that I shall be wearing.

Flash #170, ignores crimes going on around him

Either that or Adam Warlock's.

But, Reader; what super-hero outfit would you wear if forced to?


Boston Bill said...

Black Panther. Yes, the overall mask would probably get stuffy, but darn-it, it's the coolest costume in comics. Always has been, always will be.

Kid said...

So let's get this straight. You often roam the streets of Sheffield and now you want to be a Flasher. Don't do it Steve.

(I used to be a flasher. When I decided to retire, my pals said I should stick it out a little longer. Oo-er, missus.)

Stephen Sloan said...

Werewolf by night era "Moon Knight" I liked his fancy red goggles and the way the cape tucked into his cuffs. Though the colour scheme IS a little boring.

david_b said...

Sorry, coolest Avengers outfit I ever saw was Yellowjacket with yellow visor and antennae, packin' a laser pistol like in Defenders ish 23.

Folks kid YJ about not being able to see sideways because of the wings, but they never seem to tease Ironman for looking sidways behind an iron mask..

Runner-up..? Pym's Goliath (blue/yellow variation) or DC's Green Lantern. Still an awesome outfit.

Anonymous said...

It has got be either Dr Strange or Vision. Elvis has already done my other choice of Captain Marvel Junior. Note to DC - not Shazam Junior, that is just wrong!!!!

Anonymous said...

Loved Black Panthers outfit but also Giant-Man (the blue with the "goggles" and antenna - Vision was also pretty cool

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